Monday, January 30

 
adrock2xander Fires Back

The Misfit

Eagle-eyed perusers of comments on Outrageous. Beautiful. Misfit. might have noticed...in the last week...a racy post i wrote has attracted enough flak to garner 32 comments...ive had regular friends sendin out a 'Wtf is goin on?' on MSN Messenger to 'What did you write this time?' from micheLe...the post has been so fascinating...i thought i should give it a little more prominence...

Without being too presumptious...here's a take: Hardcore or more casual readers will conveniently pick out 'shameless', 'arrogant', 'honest & interesting', 'rude', 'controversial' and 'daring' as words to actively describe my online persona...

Friends ive made over the years will also pick out 'sincere', 'flamboyant', 'annoying', 'fun', 'arrogant prick', 'trustworthy', 'colorful' and 'party animal' as words to vividly describe my personality and characteristics...

So it pains me to see so much criticism and attention being given to Outrageous. Beautiful. Misfit. in the last week...ive had over 900 hits in 60 hours...my ego isnt equipped to handle so much love and fan mail...

Since several camps of people have taken an instant likin and adoration for my very private thoughts and unintelligible English...i'll now grant them what they all wish...a reply from the superstar himself...adrock2xander...

Without goin too much into detail...let's just say i read a post on actress Meg Ryan's decision to adopt Chinese kids to call her own...the author had mentioned with jest how Meg would teach the Chinese kid to shoot fire from his/her eyes...i read the post and joked that Chinese are ugly...and his fireballs will miss due to his slanty eyes...while supportin the need to adopt more parent-less kids from war-torn Eastern Europe...

Of course...the great debacle ensues...ive now been labelled 'racist', 'fag', 'homosexual', 'disgrace', 'faggot', 'ass', 'immature', 'ignorant', 'unoriginal' and the most heinous crime of all...a 'poor writer'...

Wow my fans truly love me...such flowery proses and words to describe me...and comin from people who spent less than a minute to appreciate my blog...i know my talent is not only innate...but also due to my dextrous use of words...

I thank you all for your fan mails and presents...it's fans like you who give me the belief to work even harder...

There's a sayin that goes like this, "The only thing worse than bad publicity is no publicity." I wished i could disagree with that but hey...900 hits cant be wrong yeah? There is no such thing as bad publicity...i grew up all along knowin all publicity is always good for exposure...and publicity will always get me more name-recognition and adoration...so who's complainin?

To all of my detractors out there...if id known you're gona dribble this much i'd have given you a bath towel...it amuses me to find immature people of all races and colors exist within a shallow community that's been dissected and flayed by an unforgivin media...as such...i simply do not need to justify your claims...

Your pathetic insignificance aside...i wish to defend myself against some of the more inflammatory accusations...as like you...i have pride...and pride alone shall be my testimonial here...for my loyal followers deserve at least that much of appreciation...

"Adrockxsander is just being a fag cause he's ugly and no hot asian chicks want to fuck him. He probably has to resort to animals."
One, ive dated and fucked more girls of all races in your entire lifetime. Two, what's wrong with homosexuality? Are you a fuckin homophobe? Are you just quotin the Bible to justify your hatred of homosexuals? Then again, why are you masturbatin to lesbian porn? Double standards? If anyone deserves to fuck an animal it's you. Third, beastiality is wrong. Just wrong. Forth, spell my name right. I am God and you are a peon.

"oh my god!! I can't believe you are a Singaporean.. although I know we singaporeans are known for steorotyping, I didn't know that there can be people like you who would go through such extent. I am utterly embarrassed by you.. I thought you are some white guy living in Australia.. but you turn out to be a white-wash Singaporean Chinese living in Australia.. you are such a disgrace to Singapore.. You must be very inferior.. I feel so sorry for you.. Its because you have low self-esteem and that's why you are so against your own race.. I feel sorry that you are born in Singapore.. if Singpoare has disgrace you so much, then you must have made a good choice by going to Australia.. and I hope that you can stay there for the rest of your life and don't come back to Singapore to pollute our country.. Thank you very much.."
Im not born in Singapore...im from Malaysia but was unfortunate enough to grow up in Singapore...im appalled by your complete ignorance...just like how an American isnt always white or a Caucasian doesnt always speak English...I suppose you're another trainload of babies genetically engineered by the Singapore Government to think and speak alike? That ALL Singaporeans are born in Singapore? LOL...you embarass me...please pass the peas...

"Do you honestly think asian girls are ugly? They happen to be the hottest out there. Kristin Kreuk? Kelly Hu?"
Kristin Kreuk is one of my
Top 10 Most Beautiful Women...if i werent so busy masturbatin to my beautiful girlfriend i'll masturbate to Kristin every night. Kristin isnt even an Asian. She's half Dutch and half Indonesian Chinese..which makes her an Eurasian you dingbat. And Kelly Hu is of Chinese, Hawaiian and English heritage. So she isnt Asian either. Well i never liked her anyway. I reckon she's fuckin ugly. To each his own. In future please learn to read my blog before you whip out your small penis.

"you're such an ass. as desperate as you are in trying to be "controversial"... you'll only come off as an ignorant, immature try-hard. fuckin get a life. your writing is shit... nothing you say makes any sense, everything reeks of unoriginality... not wit."
I do have a life. It's better than yours. It's called 'givin up your life in Singapore for a greater cause in another country.' It's a dream ive had for 8 years. My dream came true. And im livin and lovin every minute of it. Did yours? Or was gettin raped by 3 men last night your idea of a life?

Strange...as adrock2xander...ive been called all kinds of names but 'racist' simply takes the cake...so im Asian...yes i get that...i like bashin Asians on my blog...simply because a large majority of Asians embarass me to no end with their continued acceptance of how the western media portrays them...their inability to speak English...their embarassin public displays of spitting (very very China-man behaviour) and the way they stick to the own people like a fuckin herd of sheep...they dont mix around...they eat their own food...they make no attempt to assimilate (in Australia's case) with the white people and talk loudly in their fuckin language...i'd love to tell them that they're now in another country where there're other laws and regulations...people like their privacy...so stop doin what you're doin...and look around you...

I am a cranky social misfit...my shameless adulations and savage skewering on myself is built upon years of rejection as a child...come to think of it...as much as i hated my youth...im lovin what the trauma does to me now...i know im not perfect...and not being perfect makes me laugh...i feel that my ability to analyse serious issues with a little humor is a trait that makes me stand out from a lot of Asians...i am naturally flamboyant and in-your-face...i love challengin authorities and pushin the Asian barrier to new frontiers...for every sorry ass Asian who still has a 'White Master Colonising My Land' complex...i will stand up for them (and laugh at them on my blog)...im not afraid to speak up and tell off a white man who thinks his subtle racism is infectious...i will tell you if your body odor's affectin my mood...i will tell you if im not interested in buyin your stupid toy...i will give you my honest assessment of your size if you're fat...i will be politically incorrect as i have nothing to lose and everything to gain......this reason alone is why i...unlike you fuckin chickens out there...left my URL on the comments...knowin fully the repurcussions...i guess most of you couldnt handle rejection...well look who has the pussy and who touches himself to sleep every night?

It's also strangely morbid...how as an Asian makin fun of other Asians...i get told off by almost everyone...wtf...am i not entitled to my own opinions? Am i supposed to act like a pathetic docile Asian and sit by the side and take crap from White Supremists like the previous generations of Asians have done? A lot of my Asian-bashin material are personal experiences as a very Westernised Asian man growin up in Asia....when Chris Rock makes fun of his own Black people in Def Jam Comedy or stand ups...people of all colors laugh coz it's just so damn fuckin funny (im a fan of Chris Rock myself)...yet when adrock2xander pokes fun of his own race it's wrong and racist? LOL i hope you pricks out there see the irony there and start questionin your education...perhaps there're more White hicks and rednecks out there that i'll like...

I like Asian-bashin...and i'll continue to do so coz it makes me laugh at my own race's inadequacies...for every other person out there...White, Black, Yellow or what not...who laughs along with me...i'll gladly buy you a beer...

Friday, January 27

 
Google In China

The Outrageous

Google has introduced itself to the massive market in China with an eye on the profits...and
raising the ire of developed countries around the world...

Honestly i dont see any difference between the way Singapore and China are run...both countries have tight media restrictions...controlled freedom of speech and are both ranked on the wrong ends of the
Worldwide Press Freedom Index...

Countries ranked towards the bottom 100 of the index are in danger of disintegratin into media freedom obscurity...in these countries an independent media either does not exist or journalists are persecuted and censored on a daily basis...freedom of information and the safety of journalists are not guaranteed there....continuin war has made Iraq the most deadly place on earth for journalists in recent years...with hundreds of journalists injured...kidnapped or killed every year...

1 Denmark 0,50
9 New Zealand 0,67
41 Australia 9,50
147 Singapore 57,00
148 Iraq 58,50
149 Côte d’Ivoire 60,38
150 Pakistan 61,75
160 Nepal 84,00
161 Vietnam 86,88
162 China 92,33

Singapore is ranked just above Iraq...says a lot bout the country does it? Im bloody ashamed to have grown up and be educated there...

But without openin another can of worms...i honestly cant see China's policy of self-censorship being practised for too long...with 100 million users currently glued to the Internet...and numbers predicted to jump almost two-fold to 187 million users...China will not be able keep its close-minded and shallow thinkin behind closed doors...i just can see them bowin to the might of the Western world and openin itself up...the Chinese Government's mantra of 'We are big you are small' bubble will burst one day...

China's self-censorship is an extremely bad example for her citizens as it denies China's huge population access to information around the world...it denies them the freedom of expression...denies people the knowledge they crave for and for all the Chinese government claim self-censorship to be...it's definitely a step back as only Democracy (or in my perfect world Fundamentalism)...not Communism...is the only way forward...

Gota hand it to Google btw...with their shares risin sharply and their investors laughin all the way to the bank...and its successful online mapping search engine (
Google Earth) and video store (Google Video)...Google's desire to conquer the information world is startin to look a lot like the Roman Empire stretchin itself out too thin...i cannot justify Google's decision to sell out to the chinese people just for some green backs...surely there're other ways to make money? Google for once...is bitin off more than it can chew...as it is Europe is already afraid of Google's dominance and are designin their own brand of search engine...

Takin a leaf out of my good mate Joe Gordon's
post...here's a look at what a typical Chinaman (haha i had to use that...gold) searches for in Google.cn...

Search for: 'breasts', 'porn', 'fuck', 'pussy'
Search results:



Search for: 'Communist is dead', 'Democracy rulezzz'
Search results:



Search for: 'Slant eyes', 'flat-chested', 'no speak English', 'blindfold a Chink with a thread'
Search results:



Time will tell if Google and China snap themselves out of hibernation and see the real world with bedroom eyes...

 
Anglesea In High Definition

The Beautiful

Either the travellin is gettin too dull and the passengers are demandin DVD footages of Brokeback Mountain...or Metlink's earnin heaps of money from its overpriced coach services...i mean...wow...a LCD screen in the coach! What's next? Pay-per-view?

Where're we goin you ask? Samantha and i were invited to Alana's summer home in Anglesea...so it's a bloody 2 hour commute while we wonder if drivin would have been a better idea...

So it was beers, a barby, loungin, cigars, cigarettes, fizzy drinks, bitchin, swattin flies, laughin, gossipin, meltin in the swelterin summer heat, rinse and repeat...

Did i mention the cigars?

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It's quite a view from Alana's smashin new summer home...reclinin on a hammock...it's easy to laze ya summer day away...

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The beach is very much like the pockets of beaches that line the Victorian south coast...fine sand...towerin cliffs...wispy vegetation that grows only in temperate countries...absolutely lovely...

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This spot of Anglesea beach sits washed up seaweed...i dont believe ive seen so many seaweeds before...seaweeds mean only one thing to me...and that's to eat it (ala Japanese-style)...are these seaweeds edible??? I dont mind some iron in my system right now...

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A couple stroll down the beach...takin pictures...romantic? Yes...Scandalous? No...

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Alana and Samantha walkin ahead of me...lookin very much the part of a lesbian dream come true...romantic? No...Scandalous? Yes...

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Every man's wet dream...a blonde and a brunette haha...gosh my recedin hairline's really obvious here...such is the pain of approachin your big 3-0...but hey if you dont look good you dont look good!

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The cliffs really do tower over the beach...this cliff protusion sticks out far enough for random Joes to straddle the shallow incomin tides...pretty...

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My hardy pair of Adidas even found time to pose for a shot...

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This is what happens when Victoria calls for her denizens to practise water restriction exercises...cars dont get washed...or is bird shit-stained cars the new black??

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We left on a coach...and returned in the bird shit car...the Melbourne skyline can be seen from 30 kilometers out...such is the sheer size...

Thursday, January 26

 
A New Souvlaki Is Born?

The Outrageous

One of my first memories of eatin in Melbourne while on holiday in 2004 was of a Greek restaurant...

Situated at the corner of Russell and Lonsdale Street is
Stalactites Restaurant...one of Melbourne's most endearin and well known Greek restaurant and indeed...'food cultural' icon i may add...afterall you dont get to operate 24 hours a day since 1978 if your food didnt taste any good!

Image hosting by Photobucket It's a restaurant i find myself visitin often due to its convenient location and satistyin food...i find myself stoppin by Stalactites for a juicy souvlaki after a day of shoppin or uni...in fact i visit it so often i even remember the prices of the dishes i often order!

The service is nothin to shout about...the Greek waitresses are rather pretty and the blokes are sadly almost always old and greyin...where Stalactites really shines is in its authentic Greek dishes...the first time i sank my teeth into a plate of saganaki (A$8) and a chicken souvlaki (A$7.50)...i knew there was no way my incestuous love affair with all things Greek will end...

Imagine my surprise when i discovered Australian Open
shock semi-finalist Marcos Baghdatis has been visitin Stalactites regularly to recharge his batteries...

Left: Marcos and Camille relaxin in Luna Park.

In true Cypriot fashion...he's been mowin down souvlakis like his life depended on it...not that his stunnin designer girlfriend Camille has anythin to complain about...win or lose...Marcos is already guaranteed US$128,000 for his troubles semi-final appearance...

In fact Marcos
visits Stalactites so often...the restaurant went as far as claimin it would name a souvlaki after him if he wins the Australian Open...

Im gona eat the bloody souvlaki if it's created...as that's probably the closest i'll ever get to a tennis superstar...

Or his hot girlfriend...

Haha...

Tuesday, January 24

 
What A Match Up

The Outrageous


VS











So what happens when you mix 1 part Croatian Ivan Ljubicic...1 part Cypriot Marcos Baghdatis...1 part boisterous Croatian and Greek/Cypriot fans and 1 part Australian Open Quarter Final?

Wog Central...

 
Fabrice Santoro Rules The Tennis Roost

The Beautiful

I'd spent the afternoon watchin the live telecast of the Australian Open from the comfort of my home what with on-court temperatures reaching in
excess of 50 degrees Celsius...

Reowned Doubles champion and always entertainin Frenchman
Fabrice Santoro...playin in his first Grand Slam Singles Quarter-Finals was outplayed by big hittin Argentine David Nalbandian...fallin 7-5 6-0 6-0...

I do hope to see Fabrice play a few more tournies on telly before he retires...at the age of 33...his legs can no longer keep up with the younger and more atheletic competitors...but then again ive never watched Fabrice for his tennis...

At an age where tennis is consistently being mentioned in the same breath as power and stamina...Fabrice continues to astound critics and spectators alike with his cheery on-court antics and ridiculous array of shot tactics...how's this for starters - as far as im concerned Fabrice is the only player who uses a two-handed backhand AND forehand...that means...he can slice a shot either way he likes...

Above: Right-handed Fabrice with his very own variant of the two-handed forehand...a cunnin weapon to conceal the direction of his shot...what a fuckin genius...

The Age summed up Fabrice best in
this article...it really makes for easy and entertainin readin...

The future of tennis? Not all strength and power i hope...


Saturday, January 21

 
Another Net Geek Bites The Dust

The Misfit

Dearest PapaHotNuts,

in response to your smart arse comment on yours truly,

"Just so people don't work themselves up into a frenzy over "adrock2xander" comments, the guy is Asian. Or he squints a lot. If you go to his blog site, there is a picture of a slightly overweight, possibly homosexual, Asian guy. It actually makes his comments kinda funny, in a weird Asian-bashing sort of way. Maybe Meg Ryan could adopt him, feed him some Slim-Fast, remove the bandana from his head, and then teach him where to find a vagina on a woman's body."

i wish you a Happy Thanksgivin for sheer and utter ignorance on your part...I really admire people who post without a URL...lots of guts there really...hidin behind your mother perhaps? Or are you still 16?

Pictures lie and deceive...im 5'11" and 177 pounds...i wonder if this is your one chance to redeem yourself what with your weekly visits to the Weight Lost Center...or is pickin on someone's size your only trick? You are a One Trick Pony...and you've got a long way to go with subtle attacks mate...


A vagina? i had so much sex i had syphillis in my early 20s...or did you not read one of my better posts?

And just because some Caucasians can be/are racists doesnt mean Asians arent subjected to their opinions too...

Now who's the bigoted tranny?

 
It's A Mad, Mad World In Russia

The Outrageous

Guess i cant complain bout Melbourne's winter at all...after all it only dips to -1 degrees Celsius...

It's not often mobile phones get stuck to your ears due to extreme cold...then again cold hasnt seen Moscow...

Temperatures in Moscow have dipped to an
unprecedented -25 degrees Celsius...with certain areas registerin a mercury-burstin -57 degrees Celsius...

In fact...it's gotten so cold...zookeepers in Moscow...concerned bout the health of the freezin animals...have begun feedin
vodka and cheap spirits to the animals to preserve their sanity/lives...

The cold however...hasnt dissuaded Russians from
plungin into the icy water for an annual ritual markin a Russian Orthodox Christian holiday...

It sure is a mad, mad world we live in...

 
Now That's What I Call The Gift Of The Gab

The Outrageous

Gota hand it to the lawyers of
Schapelle Corby...

They continue to fight for Schapelle's freedom even after her verdict was reinstated to 20 years...

I suppose the prison guards have discovered Schapelle's been secretly providin oral sex to fellow inmates?


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Yesterday's issue of the Herald Sun cant be wrong...

Fuck my mind is twisted...


Thursday, January 19

 
The Hottest Thing On The Web Right Now - A Dead Man

The Outrageous

Shows it pays to watch some American news on NBC at 4.30am...i chanced upon this incredulous news...for inspirin actin stars and those wantin 15 seconds of fame...read this:

Chuck Lamb has a dream...to be cast as a corpse in a Hollywood production...of course...he wouldnt be caught dead smilin for the camera...and he works at his dream...capturin his poses... such as fallin off a milk crate...on his Web site...
"Just once, I’d like to have a chance to shine lying down," he said...

Chuck wants to be a star...but he knows with his limited actin abilities and looks he'll have to do somethin really special and pull off a giant stunt to get the castin calls from Hollywood...hence...he thought of posin as if he were dead in different kinds of settings and had it photographed...

You know you've made it big when you're hot news in the January 17th edition of
The New York Times and also Italy's la Repubblica...

Perhaps showin how morbid and fascinated people are with death these days...the macabre
website chalked up 312,000 visits on Tuesday and is increasin daily...

This fat...baldin bloke is more popular than i am...im not a happy man...

Tuesday, January 17

 
Australian Open Beckons!

The Misfit

Im a huge tennis fan...how huge? Huge enough to shell out a Vodafone Arena day ticket on openin day of this year's Australian Open...

Tennis Virgin
Ive been watchin tennis for over 12 years...never on the grounds...always on the telly...and with this year's Open promisin to be one of the best ever...i knew my time had come to be a wide-eyed tennis virgin and venture into territory never before ventured...viva la tennis!

Weather Conditions
Purchasin tickets at the grounds...weather conditions didnt bid well for tennis fans...rain and thunderstorms were predicted in the late arvo...the mornin weather however was wonderful and very Melbourne...mild and sunny...comfortable indeed...

Some Crowd!
Until the huge mid-day crowd began to arrive...the mornin crowd on openin day got off to a slow start...i was able to stretch my legs at my first game...

Tennis Bus
Watchin the games with me were micheLe...good mate Mark 'Psycho girls need not apply' Lockwood and his mate from Tasmania Stuart...hey Stu...why the long face...

Dementieva Goes Out
Speakin of my first game...i chosed Show Court 2 for a glimpse of one of my favorite Russian girls Elena Dementieva...who's playin German Julia Schruff...in what was later a day of upsets...Elena was the first seeded player in the Open to choke and eventually lost...nerves perhaps?

Neck Tennis
It wasnt too comfortable for my neck...turnin left...then right...then left again...neck tennis anyone? Otherwise...i had a good view of the game...

Uruk Hai!
That's my good mate Rudy's take on the Williams' sisters resemblance to the warlike great Orc warriors Uruk Hai of the Lord of the Rings fame...i headed to a packed Vodafone Arena to watch Elder Uruk Hai a.k.a Venus Williams (in a shockin yellow dress and cap no less) take on young Bulgarian upstart Tszvetana Pironkova...

Venus Crumbles
She's strong...she's fast and she's black...she may have faded in the last 18 months...but intimidation doesnt get any better than Venus...unfortunately that didnt help Venus...an unbelievable 65 unforced errors virtually gave the unheralded Tszevetana the win...credit to Tszevetana though...in her very first Grand Slam and match...she played like a seasoned professional and some unbelievable winners and coupled with Venus's immobility...
took the victory...just unbelievable...

Lunch Time
Close to 3pm...i wandered around the grounds for lunch...take in more tennis in the smaller courts and keepin my eyes peeled for more upsets...the weather was now a drabby gray...tiny speckles of rain had begun fallin...wet enough for some brawlies to pop up...but not enough to disrupt play...

The City Looms
Like a grand old dame watchin out for her young niece...part of the Melbourne skyline overlooks the tennis grounds...

Fanatics
A Grand Slam isnt complete without its fans...there were nutty outfits...zany chants (a posse of Australian girls clad in American tops singin out American James Blake's name to the tune of Christmas carols in Show Court 3 come to mind)...the atmosphere reminds me of football (soccer) matches with their tribal allegiances...war paints on bodies and their proud displays of national flags...

Croatian Pride
One of the most vociferous, boisterous and most noticeable fans are the Croatians...since the 2nd World War a large Croatian and Eastern European community have made Melbourne their home...the Australian and Croatian fans' singin and chantin in Vodafone Arena will mirror that of this year's football World Cup in Germany what with Croatia drawn together with Australia in the preliminary group...

Friday, January 13

 
My First Foray Into Writing

The Misfit

Does anyone of you remember the first time the writin bug bit you like the convenient pest it is? I almost didnt...

I was browsin and keepin myself in the know for digital cameras (im a geek and nerd like that) through Amazon UK when i chanced upon a review i wrote for one of the earliest point-and-shoot models from Canon...the Powershot A100...

The
review was written in June 2002...that's pre-Outrageous. Beautiful. Misfit....which means it's a fuckin dinosaur...the style of writin and flow is a pre-cursor to my ellipsis-intensive, punctuation-free, hybrid American/British spellin and omission of 'ing' blog...which has undoubtedly frustrated many purists of the English language...

Hey just because i dont punctuate doesnt mean my written English is the pits..."To each his own!" as the old sayin goes...

My first article on the World Wide Web encouraged me to seek greener pastures in more recognised writin fields...over the years ive written for entertainment magazines (the wildly successful Juice Singapore)...music websites (the now defunct Indulge!)...reviewed
music and critiqued religion...

Which eventually led to bloggin...the blog we've all grown to love is the fruit of all the work and effort ive put in earlier in my life...

So what was your first foray into writin like? And what got you interested in writin?

Thursday, January 12

 
Pamela Anderson Opposes Large Breasts

The Outrageous

This is absolutely unreal...

The world's most famous infamous pair of boobs silicon bags is dead against the use of
artificial breast enhancements...on chickens...

Is it me or do i not see the irony here? *chuckles*


Vegetarian anyone?

P.S: I now understand where the word 'titillating' came from...


 
Pants Down Best Blonde Joke Ever!

The Outrageous

I'm quite a fan of blonde jokes...they're always insanely funny and more often than not i feel more stupid than the blonde herself as the joke's so darn silly...

I must admit though...this
blonde joke is one heck of a laugh...

 
They're Everywhere!

The Outrageous

It's a sad day for Kraft bickie (Aussie slang for biscuits) fans in Australia...not only will fans not taste the great tastin Kraft flavor...the biscuits are also gona
taste like pork and smell of flied lice...

1.2 billion gooks around the world...isnt that enough? Now they wana take over the biscuit industry?

 
So The Man Travels

The Outrageous

North Korea's Communist leader
Kim Jong Il is the subject of a massive manhunt in the aftermath of his secret trip to neighborin China...

What's the big fuss over his trip anyway? So...he doesnt travel often...he's a despot that's very much the over-the-table conversation everytime Bush has lunch...

Perhaps his father Mentally Il knows what the fuss is all about...

Tuesday, January 10

 
Australia Considers National Service

The Misfit

In one of the more controversial news this week...the Australian Labor Party is contemplatin the reintroduction of
National Service for all Year 12 (or high school) graduates...

The last time conscription was introduced in the early 1960s to support the American effort in Vietnam...massive riots were sparked all across Australia...to say that Australians in the past and today arent used to the idea of forced military service would be a complete understatement...

National Service in Australia...if reintroduced...would not necassarily mean military service...but volunteerin for charity groups and helpin organisations such as old folks homes...

That's National Service? Riiiiight...i just cant see National Service any other way apart from being a sad, pathetic life in military life...i would know...

At almost 27 years of age...it wasnt too long ago when i gave up 2 years of my life for National Service...you see a 2 year conscription (followed by a 15 year reserve) is compulsory for all male Singaporeans...and is considered a rite of passage for men...families are involved in the child's assimilation into military life...and are encouraged to support and assist for the duration of the consciption...

To be honest National Service was...still and always will be a foreign blip on my radar...the idea of havin to give up 2 years of ya life when ya in the prime of ya youth is still an issue im contentious with and i downright despise that...the 1960s footages and interviews of young Australians' impressions and thoughts on National Service were similar to how many Singaporean males think...we all hate doin it...fuck it's a waste of time...how bout our education? Our families? Our girlfriends? Our jobs? Does the government honestly care? Nada...everythin we had was stripped from us...a job? Give it up...families and girlfriends? You'll be lucky to see them once a week...

It's funny how Australia is usin National Service as an 'excuse' for young Aussies to 'give back' to the community...afterall they've graduated from Year 12 in a relatively safe and clean country...they're healthy and have a lovin family...yet somehow i feel that returnin their 'gratitude' through National Service is rather trite...better yet...hackneyed...

National Service will never change the behaviour and thinkin of youths (in the light of the
Cronulla riots) because they are only being forced to be disciplined at a military camp...let's not forget that they're not goin there on their own free will...to instill patriotism and discipline by takin away 2 years (or X number of months in Australia's case) of one's life is not the way...in fact National Service had an opposite effect on me...i began to despise and hate everythin that Singapore (not that i was lovin the country to start with) and all her ideals represent...

The idea of National Service is alien to many countries...Australian's laid back 'beer and beach' lifestyle will never amalgamate fully with the rigidness and discipline of a military life...

However...in hindsight (especially in the aftermath of the aforementioned riots in Sydney and all the talk of underlyin racism in the Australian society)...i honestly believe that National Service will do some good...

For every reason that i hated National Service in Singapore...i also loved the military trainin...it wasnt bungee jumpin or sex with Kate Beckinsale...but how often do you experience jungle survival...learn how to operate a M-16...lob a live grenade...not showerin for a week?...it's all very exhaustin...but some of my best memories of National Service were of military trainin...jungle survival and weapon handlin is a really useful skill to possess...and even if you might never ever use them in the future...you'll know that you'd never watch a war movie or attempt a jungle trek the same way again...

Military trainin aside...there's also the prospect of keepin up appearances i.e sheddin them pounds...let's face it...military life aint a walk in the park...a day starts at 5am...and before you know it ya runnin miles...climbin hills...pushin up...pullin up...twistin and turnin...discoverin parts of ya body that you never knew needed warmin up...i left civilianhood a scrawny 160 pounds (bout 72 kilos)...and put on 10 pounds of muscle upon graduatin from military school...

Most importantly...Australians should realise that National Service provides youths with essential skills in life...not only will Aussies learn more bout their own country...it'll also build self-confidence and co-operation with people...especially with people of other ethnic backgrounds...

One of the reasons Australia will never fully integrate its diverse groups of nationalities is the lack of understandin and promotion of other cultures...National Service throws people of all races...color and religion together...workin as a team...as a unit...for those who attend exclusive private or secular schools and seldom mix with other races...National Service provides them the opportunity to mingle around with 'other' people...

Ive only been in Melbourne for just over 11 months...but it was easy for me to notice a distinct lack of discipline...courtesy and civic consciousness in many young Australians...i suppose im only lookin at things from a 'foreigner' point of view...i havnt lived here enough to assume...but havin experienced and survived National Service...i can dissect and discuss it objectively even if im completely biased and prejudiced against it...

National Service in Australia will not take off and be the successful model the government will hope to be if young Aussies are given a choice to volunteer...when presented with a choice...your Average 20yo Joe will be jugglin a casual job at Hungry Jack's...datin 3 girls...spendin more time with his friends than his family...doin drugs and potentially university...

Now tell me...when you've so much goin on in ya life...why would you give it all up for National Service?

If the government truly hopes to improve racial relations (or instil some sort of discipline in youths) between the largely maligned and misunderstood Middle Eastern community and mostly non-racist White Australians...it has to understand that love and respect for the other race cannot be forged with just a program...it cannot be drilled and told through mass advertisements...pacified with increased police patrol
or quelled by John Howard's 'We are not racists' speech...

It can however be taught at a young age...families have to embrace neighbours of different cultures...attend an Indian weddin...exchange greetings at a Muslim gatherin...swop recipes with a Sudanese couple...learn some Croatian...go for a soccer game with your Serbian friend...encourage ya kids to play with kids of other 'colors'...they're no different from us just because they're of a different skin color...learn to appreciate things around you and step out of your comfort zone for once...perhaps just once you may discover somethin bout yaself...

That...along with National Service...is the key to a harmonious and trouble-free Australia...

Sunday, January 8

 
Poker And Its Derivatives

The Outrageous

I'd spent my Saturday pickin up card skills from the popular card game Poker and its various mutations...

micheLe's beautiful colleague of Czech/Fillipino descent Kayleen had invited us over to her brand new house in Albion (a Western suburb of Melbourne) where she shares it with her fiance Phuc...a good-natured Vietnamese bloke who's likes a good laugh...we've gone out several times before...so it was hardly uncomfortable...

To say poker's popularity among the Australian community is growin is almost an insult to passionate card gamers and gamblers alike...the game is popular across all age groups...and many summer days are not complete without a poker night...Australian
Joe Hachem significantly improved Poker's regional and international profile when he became World Champion in Las Vegas last July...

A Poker enthusiast...Phuc had also invited his cousins and friends (fellow Poker freaks i must add) for a night of merry-wheelin and chips countin...i was psyched...

I must admit...before yesterday...ive never played Poker in my life...i am aware of the winning combinations and hands...y'know...the Royal Flushes and the Full Houses...but from where i came from...Poker just isnt a game regular Singaporeans would sit down and have a cuppa over...

What Singaporeans are really adept at though...is the Hong Kong-style mutation of Poker...affectionately called Chor Tai Tee...rules and winning hands are almost similar to Poker...but where Poker (in it's basic variant) is played with 5 cards...Chor Tai Tee is played with 13 cards...i wasnt great at the game...but i could play it well...

Australians call Chor Tai Tee '13'...a name i thought quite reminded me of those nights readin horror tales of the unlucky number...i havnt played '13' for over a year...so when an open invitation from one of the tables filtered through my ears...i put aside my barbequed chicken wing...pulled up a chair and dived for an opportunity to outwit the Australians and Viets...

To my shock and horror...i found myself scramblin for the rule books after a round of Chor Tai Tee...apparently i had not prepared myself for what was another variant of Poker...the Vietnamese-style mutation...or Tienlen...and that's what everyone was playin...

In it's essence...Tienlen is played like Chor Tai Tee...but the denominations (the Clubs, Diamonds, Hearts and Aces) are completely reversed...also...any permutations is possible...a 4-straight (eg. 3,4,5,6) is possible...more outrageous is the emasculation of the all powerful 4-of-a-Kind (eg. 4 Kings)...in Tienlen a 4-of-a-kind loses to a straight...WTF...

If you're still readin this...it gets more interestin...Tienlen allows players to intercept...or 'chop'...with a 'chop' the player is able to counterattack the biggest card (in Tienlen and Chor Tai Tee the biggest denomination is a 2) placed by the previous player with pairs that run consecutively...

So there i was...havin to sit by the table listenin to this brand new rules of a game i thought i knew and played for over 12 years like i was some kind of newbie...it was like havin my guts ripped open and havin them used to hang myself...

Amazin thing is...after several rounds...i'd not only fully understood the Vietnamese/Australian strain of mutation...i also began to win...which was simply ludicrous...i still think...at the point of writin...that it was simply down to a good hand of cards...some luck and lots and lots of patience to fathom the ridiculous...

I mean...a Diamond beatin an Ace? WTF?!

Then there was Poker...Poker is a game i took to immediately...the rules are simple...as long as you know the winnin combinations and possessed some kind of luck...you could win the pot...

'Poker face' is a term we commonly use to describe a person's countenance that's devoid of emotions...i like to define 'poker face' as 'an euphemism for lying'...raisin 20 chips and seein you another 10 chips for a 5 and a 7? No worries mate...

I didnt win any money from Poker...but i did gain a new found respect for card games and Charles Darwin...why the bloke himself? You see...he's most famous for his
Evolution Theory...and if someone had told him that somethin as regular and dead as a deck of cards could possibly 'evolve' into different variations of what is essentially the same game...he'd have knocked himself silly with Isaac Newton's apple...

Card games are rather fascinatin themselves...they're not expensive to produce and hardly the things people would collect...but the hold and appreciation of 52 pieces of stiff, glossy paper that's enthralled people for generations does give me somethin to think about...

A deck of cards...best invention ever?


P.S: Joe Hachem is in town for the Crown Australian Poker Championship...do check him out if you a) are in Melbourne, b) are a Poker fan, c) are a Poker groupie, d) are just darn bored or e) have gotten interested in Poker...

Thursday, January 5

 
Going Full Circle With A Disease

The Misfit

I was 23 when i contracted gonorrhea...

A casual meetin with my good mate Amardeep in a coffee joint gave me my daily caffeine fix...but also more than i bargained for in the form of his sexy friend who had tagged along for the day...

A primary school teacher...Rachel had a tough week in school...extra-curriculum activities earlier in the day had drained her of workin juices...hangin out with Amardeep not only gave her a chance to do some catchin up...but an opportunity to flash her credit card i.e shoppin...

At 5'5" Rachel was a knock out...of Indian/Chinese descent...her ambiguous features were strikingly attractive...long brown hair that cascaded down her shoulders...large peepers that scream an adventurous spirit...big, firm breasts that had me distracted for the duration of the caffeine fix...and a graceful walk that'd put taller women to shame...

It started out with a casual date...we had arranged to meet up a day after at the local mall...we didnt live that far apart from one another...so meetin her was just a finger snap...

We had dinner...and i remember really likin her...smart, funny and beautiful...sittin in the restaurant eventually led to an invitation to her rented apartment just a bus ride away...one thing led to another...we had unprotected sex...and i woke up the next mornin to find breakfast in bed...

"I could get used to this," I remember tellin myself...

The boinkfest didnt last for long though...turns out she's still in a relationship and the boyfriend's havin commitment issues...not that i was complainin...

It was a blur in the weeks after that...but i remember one mornin to find little specks of white secretion embedded in the tip of my penis...i'd brushed it off as a case of not cleanin my one-eyed snake with proper care...attempts to clean it out was disturbingly morbid...but all that was a prologue of things to come...

I realised somethin was terribly wrong when i found myself wincin in pain whenever i took a leak...a sharp, searin pain shot through my genitals like a hot rod's been shoved through my genitals...i remember restrictin myself to little sips of water a day so as to avoid the trauma of peein...

What's worse...was the smell...in the days followin the discovery of the white-residue...i found myself havin to shower as often as 3 times a day as my genitals reeked of an extremely feral-smellin odor...couple that with the searin pain and my limited knowledge of S.T.Ds...i began to suspect i had contracted some sort of disease...

A trip to my family doctor ensued...a trusted friend...Doctor Lim has seen me grow from a bratty adolescent to a bratty adult (no change here haha!)...so it was of utmost confidence when he had several vials of my blood taken...one for tests on S.T.Ds...and another for A.I.D.S...

I left the clinic in full knowledge of the degree of trouble i was in...i remember not being too disturbed...ive always believed in things goin full circle...im not afraid of death...in the lead up to my adulthood ive experienced things and situations most middle-aged people would never have been in...so i like to tell myself ive a bagful of life experiences...these experiences often keep my feet firmly planted on the ground...and knowin that just makes me stronger...

I spent the next few days online...readin up more on S.T.Ds and its various symptoms...i began to understand how A.I.D.S and its lesser cousins have destroyed millions of families and lives...a shroud of guilt descended upon me...i felt like ive done myself a huge injustice...

"Shoulda known better you dingbat!" I told myself...

Several days later i made the short trip to Doctor Lim's clinic...results confirmed what i had suspected all along...i had contracted gonorrhea...

To my huge relief...my fears of A.I.D.S were allayed when results came out negative...i remember grabbin Doctor Lim's forearm and promisin him that i'll never again indulge in unprotected sex...not that he didnt warn me either...

There's still the treatment of gonorrhea though...consultation and the drugs cost me a lot of money...i was too ashamed of revealin this piece of bad news to my parents...so i paid for my own expenses...

One of the first things i did upon gettin home was give a quick call to Rachel...i knew i had contracted it from her...and out of concern i adviced her to do the same - see a fuckin doctor...

I had to consume several kinds of medications...and a daily application of a purplish liquid on my penis to kill the whitish infection...

Rachel called me several weeks later with similar news...gonorrhea and negative A.I.D.S...huge sigh of relief for her...

Up to this day...the only ones who knew about my condition were my brother, several of his friends and micheLe...

Now you know too...

I am of clean health now...the gonorrhea was detected at an early stage...and because i was quick to treat and vigilant bout the disease...the symptoms disappeared after 5 weeks...

Rachel too is clean now...i dont see her much these days...last i heard she's still teachin in the primary school with a new boyfriend to boot...i wish you all the best Rachel...

 
In February's Vanity Fair

The Beautiful

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That's right Lindsay...us men have no intentions of masturbatin to an Amazonian in a loin cloth...

If i wanted a bag of bones i'd head down to the nearest butcher for a kilo of bone marrow...and i'll save heaps too...

Anorexia...
bulimia...they're all the same thing...either the food stays in there..or you dont eat at all...

Tuesday, January 3

 
Martina Hingis And The Asparagus Man

The Outrageous

Sometimes...it's the craziest antics of strangers that remind you that you're never too far from civilisation...

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By the tram stop in the city...this bloke was clad in a zany turqoise outfit and a hat with stalks of plants and flowers stickin out of his hat...i keep thinkin: "Asparagus...asparagus..."

The Beautiful

In more important news...tennis prodigy and the pin up girl for many a young man Martina Hingis has stepped out of a 3 years self-imposed exile and
back into the limelight...

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In a game that's dominated by sheer brute force and power and seen Russia takin over the female game...I was intrigued by Martina's return...before the Williams sisters...there was Martina's grace...anticipation and amazin shot positionin...time will tell if her return isnt a fall from grace...or is there a silver linin in there somewhere?

 
Al-Jazeera Presents To You...

The Outrageous

Try as the Middle Eastern world might...the allure, romance and the sound of cash registers ringin proved too much for them...

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Looks like America wins again...

Sunday, January 1

 
So What's 2006 About?

Lots and lots of free food...free flow...

Lots and lots of booze...not all free flow...

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Fireworks from the corner of Flinders and Swanston Street...

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And more visual delights from the Yarra River...

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Have a fuckin great 2006 everyone...

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