Friday, April 30
Room With a View
Residences at 338
My wife says i should pay more attention to her needs.
At least, that's what i thought she said when i was looking at the high-ceiling windows.
Her new outfit had gone unnoticed as the high-ceiling windows tickled his fancy a little more.
It was realised that she had to get a little more clamerous in her demands to tear his stare away from the high-ceiling windows.
Neither her workout nor her new outfit could tear his stare away.
His lack of attention to her was met with suspicions of an affair.
The real culprit: the Collapsable Sliding Door.
Playtime was interrupted by the high-ceiling windows.
She became more boisterous in her choice of bedroom wear.
When she said, "It's me or the high-ceiling windows." it was met with more stares at the high-ceiling windows.
Playtime had beomce less intriguing ever since he noticed the collapseable sliding door.
Even though her offerings were exquisite, it wasnt enough to tear him away from the high-ceiling windows.
It suddenly became apparent that the Powder Room had more to offer visually.
Playtime had suddenly become less intriguing than the Powder Room.
Beads of water running off her body had suddenly become less intoxicating than Sliding Door Panel.
She had the power to turn faithful men from their wives but not from the full-length windows.
Yet another failed attempt at distracting him from the full=length windows.
Angela was enthusiastic but Sean couldn't take his eyes off the sliding panel bedroom.
Residences at 338
My wife says i should pay more attention to her needs.
At least, that's what i thought she said when i was looking at the high-ceiling windows.
Her new outfit had gone unnoticed as the high-ceiling windows tickled his fancy a little more.
It was realised that she had to get a little more clamerous in her demands to tear his stare away from the high-ceiling windows.
Neither her workout nor her new outfit could tear his stare away.
His lack of attention to her was met with suspicions of an affair.
The real culprit: the Collapsable Sliding Door.
Playtime was interrupted by the high-ceiling windows.
She became more boisterous in her choice of bedroom wear.
When she said, "It's me or the high-ceiling windows." it was met with more stares at the high-ceiling windows.
Playtime had beomce less intriguing ever since he noticed the collapseable sliding door.
Even though her offerings were exquisite, it wasnt enough to tear him away from the high-ceiling windows.
It suddenly became apparent that the Powder Room had more to offer visually.
Playtime had suddenly become less intriguing than the Powder Room.
Beads of water running off her body had suddenly become less intoxicating than Sliding Door Panel.
She had the power to turn faithful men from their wives but not from the full-length windows.
Yet another failed attempt at distracting him from the full=length windows.
Angela was enthusiastic but Sean couldn't take his eyes off the sliding panel bedroom.
Micro-hazard?
A interestin incident that occurred in the common kitchen over in Paris...this girl must be scarred for life...an averse fear of eggs nothwithstandin...i have new found respect for our everyday microwave oven...
A simple explanation for this...for all physics-philes..."The explosion really is caused by superheating, a complex phenomenon of the physics of phase changes. When water is heated over a flame, it gradually reaches a boil and turns to steam when the water temperature reaches 212F. But in a microwave, the heat is applied at a subatomic level, the water molecules can reach temperatures above 212F without changing phase from water to vapor. If these "superheated" molecules are jarred or disturbed, they will change from water to vapor in an instant, releasing a huge burst of steam, or even a small explosion. You can sometimes see this effect by making a cup of instant coffee from very hot microwaved water. When you drop in the powdered coffee, the superheated water can boil explosively, the water can gush right out of the cup like a geyser."
Im not in a position to wax lyrical bout the microwave...you see...my experiences with the microwave dont number more than 50 in my entire life...my mom doesnt believe in the microwave...and still practices the age-old adage of steamin the 'whatever needs to be heated' in the rice cooker to a certain temperature before servin the food...heck she doesnt even know how to operate a microwave...and until last year...i was a microwave noob too...
Thank god for my friends...some of em who live alone...the microwave...together with the fridge... is hands down the most essential item in the kitchen...nothin beats comin home dead-beat from work...openin the freezer and chuckin in wat frozen leftovers into the microwave...and voila!...hot steamin food within 2 minutes...
Ive never had the luxury of that...i find myself askin my friends how to manipulate the mind bogglin array of buttons...it's all really quite alien to me...tupperware in the microwave? Ask me that 3 months ago and i would have shrugged my shoulders...plastic in a baking hot environment only means one thing to me - it will melt and thus render whatever food in there unedible...
But it's really quite fascinatin too...a microwave is a tickin Chernobyl...you are just seperated by a flimsy see-through glass door...should those bombardin atoms be exposed to you....god...i dont even wana imagine...
Ahh i blabber too much...for now..it's back to my lunch...
Microwaved lunch :-)
A interestin incident that occurred in the common kitchen over in Paris...this girl must be scarred for life...an averse fear of eggs nothwithstandin...i have new found respect for our everyday microwave oven...
A simple explanation for this...for all physics-philes..."The explosion really is caused by superheating, a complex phenomenon of the physics of phase changes. When water is heated over a flame, it gradually reaches a boil and turns to steam when the water temperature reaches 212F. But in a microwave, the heat is applied at a subatomic level, the water molecules can reach temperatures above 212F without changing phase from water to vapor. If these "superheated" molecules are jarred or disturbed, they will change from water to vapor in an instant, releasing a huge burst of steam, or even a small explosion. You can sometimes see this effect by making a cup of instant coffee from very hot microwaved water. When you drop in the powdered coffee, the superheated water can boil explosively, the water can gush right out of the cup like a geyser."
Im not in a position to wax lyrical bout the microwave...you see...my experiences with the microwave dont number more than 50 in my entire life...my mom doesnt believe in the microwave...and still practices the age-old adage of steamin the 'whatever needs to be heated' in the rice cooker to a certain temperature before servin the food...heck she doesnt even know how to operate a microwave...and until last year...i was a microwave noob too...
Thank god for my friends...some of em who live alone...the microwave...together with the fridge... is hands down the most essential item in the kitchen...nothin beats comin home dead-beat from work...openin the freezer and chuckin in wat frozen leftovers into the microwave...and voila!...hot steamin food within 2 minutes...
Ive never had the luxury of that...i find myself askin my friends how to manipulate the mind bogglin array of buttons...it's all really quite alien to me...tupperware in the microwave? Ask me that 3 months ago and i would have shrugged my shoulders...plastic in a baking hot environment only means one thing to me - it will melt and thus render whatever food in there unedible...
But it's really quite fascinatin too...a microwave is a tickin Chernobyl...you are just seperated by a flimsy see-through glass door...should those bombardin atoms be exposed to you....god...i dont even wana imagine...
Ahh i blabber too much...for now..it's back to my lunch...
Microwaved lunch :-)
Wednesday, April 28
2 Stupid White Men
So here i was this mornin...sittin along the flight of stairs at the ground floor...right outside the entrance to my company...smokin with my 2 Account Directors Petrina and Viko. The 2 ladies have this uncanny habit of bummin cigarettes from me...it's becomin a habit now...not that im complainin...the 2 ladies are very attractive...speak excellent English...and for all their world-weary age that borders on 35...they dont look a day past 27...we get along just fine...Petrina shares the same passion with me...and that is dance music...week ins week outs...she'll be so kind enough to invite me for events that celebrate Singapore's best in local jocks...Viko shares the same idealism with me...and that is...live life for the moment...fuck the world...and grab the oppotunity when it beckons...on top of that...she's also a huge Buffy fan...
But i digress...
Our office is located right smack in the middle of a touristy area...so tourists lookin lost are a common sight...so there we were...3 happy peeps...suckin the life out of our fags...when what do i spy with my little eye? 2 rather lost Caucasians...wanderin around the blocks...what ensues is somethin that bothers on pure absurdity...
The 2 men...noticin Petrina and Viko (i dont supposed they noticed me first...unless.....) lookin the pretty part...attempted to hit on them...millin around us for a good minute...they finally mustered enough courage to...well...let's just say...a very pathetic attempt to get into the pants of 2 intelligent and independant women...not that i mind...i would have tried sellin the ladies to the highest bidder...but what pissed me off was how the 2 Caucasians started the conversation...
"Hi do you speak English?"
OMG....so here they are...askin The Prince of English and Fine Arts of English Appreciation with a fervant passion for MTV and popular culture...with 2 Account Directors for company...questionin OUR ability to speak our lingua fraca? I wished someone had dropped an anvil on both of them...i would have spat on the carcass and fed them to the dogs...
Almost immediately...my smile turned into a scowl...
I shot back.
"What kind of question is that...of coz we speak English." I had almost wanted to end that with a line that i've always wanted to use on ignorant and bigoted red necks who think White Supremacy is the Final Solution...but i checked when Petrina hushed me...Viko was so totally ignorin them...we were talkin bout Buffy and it's supreme greatness...
The 2 men turned out to be New Zealanders...they're here on holiday...and were 'askin' if the pub directly opposite us was open to the public...
"Is the bar open?"
WTF is this guy on? He smokin somethin im not? Coz whatever he's smokin...i dont want it ever!! The bar's SO fuckin closed...in fact...it's in various stages of undress coz renovations were gona be done! And those renovations were for all to see!!
My raging anger was fueled by his lame ass attempt to start a conversation...a clever retort.
"WTF do you think it looks like? It's fuckin closed." Petrina kept poking me to STFU up...but i was incensed...
The 2 men shot me a quizical look that almost said 'Wow this gook can speak English! Woah! And he said fuck! Man and he speaks it without any grammatical errors!'
Resigned to another day without a warm Asian pussy...the 2 men sat on the edge of the wall...not 5 feet away from me...that was another invitation from me to tell em that they've barked up the wrong tree....
Lookin at the first bloke..."Wow...dude that's a cool tee shirt you have there." This guy's tee shirt was so fuckin lame...it had somethin that went 'Sex is cool or somethin'...
The 2nd guy pressed his hands against his tee shirt to iron out the creases..."Who, me?"
LMFAO...what a retard...
To all the white guys out there who think ya better than me...FUCK OFF...go home to your farms where goats are waitin to be milked and surround yaselves with more bigoted reasoning...the only 1 good thing that came out from you guys is also the one thing that i admire...coz u guys come from a land where the Government doesnt control your movement...not being told to make fuckin babies or taught how to date...you are not being tracked or traced...and there's free speech and rights...
It's a fair trade off...i am smart but restricted...you are stupid but free...
Fuck off Jew...
So here i was this mornin...sittin along the flight of stairs at the ground floor...right outside the entrance to my company...smokin with my 2 Account Directors Petrina and Viko. The 2 ladies have this uncanny habit of bummin cigarettes from me...it's becomin a habit now...not that im complainin...the 2 ladies are very attractive...speak excellent English...and for all their world-weary age that borders on 35...they dont look a day past 27...we get along just fine...Petrina shares the same passion with me...and that is dance music...week ins week outs...she'll be so kind enough to invite me for events that celebrate Singapore's best in local jocks...Viko shares the same idealism with me...and that is...live life for the moment...fuck the world...and grab the oppotunity when it beckons...on top of that...she's also a huge Buffy fan...
But i digress...
Our office is located right smack in the middle of a touristy area...so tourists lookin lost are a common sight...so there we were...3 happy peeps...suckin the life out of our fags...when what do i spy with my little eye? 2 rather lost Caucasians...wanderin around the blocks...what ensues is somethin that bothers on pure absurdity...
The 2 men...noticin Petrina and Viko (i dont supposed they noticed me first...unless.....) lookin the pretty part...attempted to hit on them...millin around us for a good minute...they finally mustered enough courage to...well...let's just say...a very pathetic attempt to get into the pants of 2 intelligent and independant women...not that i mind...i would have tried sellin the ladies to the highest bidder...but what pissed me off was how the 2 Caucasians started the conversation...
"Hi do you speak English?"
OMG....so here they are...askin The Prince of English and Fine Arts of English Appreciation with a fervant passion for MTV and popular culture...with 2 Account Directors for company...questionin OUR ability to speak our lingua fraca? I wished someone had dropped an anvil on both of them...i would have spat on the carcass and fed them to the dogs...
Almost immediately...my smile turned into a scowl...
I shot back.
"What kind of question is that...of coz we speak English." I had almost wanted to end that with a line that i've always wanted to use on ignorant and bigoted red necks who think White Supremacy is the Final Solution...but i checked when Petrina hushed me...Viko was so totally ignorin them...we were talkin bout Buffy and it's supreme greatness...
The 2 men turned out to be New Zealanders...they're here on holiday...and were 'askin' if the pub directly opposite us was open to the public...
"Is the bar open?"
WTF is this guy on? He smokin somethin im not? Coz whatever he's smokin...i dont want it ever!! The bar's SO fuckin closed...in fact...it's in various stages of undress coz renovations were gona be done! And those renovations were for all to see!!
My raging anger was fueled by his lame ass attempt to start a conversation...a clever retort.
"WTF do you think it looks like? It's fuckin closed." Petrina kept poking me to STFU up...but i was incensed...
The 2 men shot me a quizical look that almost said 'Wow this gook can speak English! Woah! And he said fuck! Man and he speaks it without any grammatical errors!'
Resigned to another day without a warm Asian pussy...the 2 men sat on the edge of the wall...not 5 feet away from me...that was another invitation from me to tell em that they've barked up the wrong tree....
Lookin at the first bloke..."Wow...dude that's a cool tee shirt you have there." This guy's tee shirt was so fuckin lame...it had somethin that went 'Sex is cool or somethin'...
The 2nd guy pressed his hands against his tee shirt to iron out the creases..."Who, me?"
LMFAO...what a retard...
To all the white guys out there who think ya better than me...FUCK OFF...go home to your farms where goats are waitin to be milked and surround yaselves with more bigoted reasoning...the only 1 good thing that came out from you guys is also the one thing that i admire...coz u guys come from a land where the Government doesnt control your movement...not being told to make fuckin babies or taught how to date...you are not being tracked or traced...and there's free speech and rights...
It's a fair trade off...i am smart but restricted...you are stupid but free...
Fuck off Jew...
Monday, April 26
Bad English
Sittin in the bus this mornin...commutin to work with the peaceful thought that Mr Bus Driver was gona get me to work safely without a drip of pespiration...a silly piece of logic i've been 'sworn to marry' occured to me....it's somethin that often brings me relief....a crazy (if you dont agree with me) and funny (if u agree with me but are too afraid to admit) rationalisation...but I experience it often...
It happens when this absofuckinglutely attractive woman catches my oh-so-wanderin eye...the way she's dressed to paint the town red...the way her hair's pinned...the way her expressive eyes sparkle with delight as if to tell me 'Hey Pretty Boy looky here! You know you want me! But guess what...you cant! Coz you are below me!'...maybe it's the first time I've seen her around...or maybe someone that i've spotted from the corner of my eye...and she's a recurring context that doesnt wana go away...i feel the little vibrations in my head that might start me off on the path of interest and action where she is concerned...i have this inate compulsive urge to walk up to her just to say 'Hi!' and stand there lookin really sheepish...shufflin feets and all...not knowin what to say next...
Then with relative suddenness...as if on cue...she opens her mouth to speak. A handy repertoire of inane English spills from her ruby lips....Instantly...my interest in her disappears faster than you could say "Ya-Lor." (Ya-Lor - Local colloquailism in Singapore that stands for 'Yes')
Honestly...i cant think of any action apart from bad English that makes me totally write someone off as a romantic interest...or even just as a passing interest...i wont even try to date someone who speaks bad English...so whatever my vector was towards this woman - irregardless of the number of times ive seen her...or whether ive seen her for the first time in my life...and the idea of startin to be genuinely interested about her...is now extinguished...strangely enough my secondary reaction to this event is usually relief.
Why you may ask?
Im sorry...but to all the gorgeous pussies out there waitin for a good fuck...i'll just have to pass you by...first things first...ive got vectors pulsatin at and through women all the fuckin time...and half the time it's a mad rush to juggle them...for men think with 2 heads...their head head and their dick-head...my dick just wants a moist hole to park...but my brain tells me..."Dude...she's not gona understand a word you say. Even if she did...she'll think ya some banana speakin with an American accent...but IM NOT SPEAKIN WITH AN ACCENT AND I DONT SLANG...MAYBE IT'S BECOZ YOU HAVE A DEPRAVED AND DEPRIVED CHILDHOOD AND YOU CANT TELL THE FUCKIN DIFFERENCE BETWEEN STAR WARS AND STAR TREK!"...so here i am tryin to decide who to pursue...and when ive finally decided on my intended prey...she simply has to spoil it by openin her big fat mouth that's inundated with foul English....it just kills her vector so dead that she vanishes off my Chick radar in such a way that she might as well never have been there....strangely enough that means less work, stress and wondering for me! Coz now i cant even regret that she's not an option because there simply was no chance in the first place...i now have more time worryin on less mundane issues like buyin the next batch of Buffy toys and/or eyein that cute lass that had me spellbound with her perfectly-enunciated English that's laced with wit...
Sad to say 'less-mundane-worryin' doesnt seem to happen very often...just the other day i had chanced upon this incredibly beautiful bint in a coffee joint who had the entire package...i thought to myself..."No fuckin way she's gona spoil my evenin and espouse bad English...coz im soooo gona walk up to her just to say Hi." But no...God had bigger plans for me...the bint proceeded to not ust spoil my evenin...my Iced Tazo Tea didnt even see the bottom of the cup...
My question of the day - "Is it possible to discover that someone you seriously dig needs to sign up for English at a Preliminary Level...and be made to feel somehow better by the acquisition of this knowledge?"
Im still lookin for the woman who'd make me feel that way...
Sittin in the bus this mornin...commutin to work with the peaceful thought that Mr Bus Driver was gona get me to work safely without a drip of pespiration...a silly piece of logic i've been 'sworn to marry' occured to me....it's somethin that often brings me relief....a crazy (if you dont agree with me) and funny (if u agree with me but are too afraid to admit) rationalisation...but I experience it often...
It happens when this absofuckinglutely attractive woman catches my oh-so-wanderin eye...the way she's dressed to paint the town red...the way her hair's pinned...the way her expressive eyes sparkle with delight as if to tell me 'Hey Pretty Boy looky here! You know you want me! But guess what...you cant! Coz you are below me!'...maybe it's the first time I've seen her around...or maybe someone that i've spotted from the corner of my eye...and she's a recurring context that doesnt wana go away...i feel the little vibrations in my head that might start me off on the path of interest and action where she is concerned...i have this inate compulsive urge to walk up to her just to say 'Hi!' and stand there lookin really sheepish...shufflin feets and all...not knowin what to say next...
Then with relative suddenness...as if on cue...she opens her mouth to speak. A handy repertoire of inane English spills from her ruby lips....Instantly...my interest in her disappears faster than you could say "Ya-Lor." (Ya-Lor - Local colloquailism in Singapore that stands for 'Yes')
Honestly...i cant think of any action apart from bad English that makes me totally write someone off as a romantic interest...or even just as a passing interest...i wont even try to date someone who speaks bad English...so whatever my vector was towards this woman - irregardless of the number of times ive seen her...or whether ive seen her for the first time in my life...and the idea of startin to be genuinely interested about her...is now extinguished...strangely enough my secondary reaction to this event is usually relief.
Why you may ask?
Im sorry...but to all the gorgeous pussies out there waitin for a good fuck...i'll just have to pass you by...first things first...ive got vectors pulsatin at and through women all the fuckin time...and half the time it's a mad rush to juggle them...for men think with 2 heads...their head head and their dick-head...my dick just wants a moist hole to park...but my brain tells me..."Dude...she's not gona understand a word you say. Even if she did...she'll think ya some banana speakin with an American accent...but IM NOT SPEAKIN WITH AN ACCENT AND I DONT SLANG...MAYBE IT'S BECOZ YOU HAVE A DEPRAVED AND DEPRIVED CHILDHOOD AND YOU CANT TELL THE FUCKIN DIFFERENCE BETWEEN STAR WARS AND STAR TREK!"...so here i am tryin to decide who to pursue...and when ive finally decided on my intended prey...she simply has to spoil it by openin her big fat mouth that's inundated with foul English....it just kills her vector so dead that she vanishes off my Chick radar in such a way that she might as well never have been there....strangely enough that means less work, stress and wondering for me! Coz now i cant even regret that she's not an option because there simply was no chance in the first place...i now have more time worryin on less mundane issues like buyin the next batch of Buffy toys and/or eyein that cute lass that had me spellbound with her perfectly-enunciated English that's laced with wit...
Sad to say 'less-mundane-worryin' doesnt seem to happen very often...just the other day i had chanced upon this incredibly beautiful bint in a coffee joint who had the entire package...i thought to myself..."No fuckin way she's gona spoil my evenin and espouse bad English...coz im soooo gona walk up to her just to say Hi." But no...God had bigger plans for me...the bint proceeded to not ust spoil my evenin...my Iced Tazo Tea didnt even see the bottom of the cup...
My question of the day - "Is it possible to discover that someone you seriously dig needs to sign up for English at a Preliminary Level...and be made to feel somehow better by the acquisition of this knowledge?"
Im still lookin for the woman who'd make me feel that way...
Sunday, April 25
Mangled heap of...
neck i am. On the way home from my weekly football session...i got involved in a bike accident. As i speak my neck can barely keep the giant cranium of mine up...lookin left or right means havin to twist my torso...oh how we take the neck muscles for granted...
The bike's partially damaged too...my rear DISC brakes arent functionin...Vowel Man's comin over tomorrow evenin to service it...i hope all goes well...
Ahhh...im in pain...what a terrible endin to a terrible week...
neck i am. On the way home from my weekly football session...i got involved in a bike accident. As i speak my neck can barely keep the giant cranium of mine up...lookin left or right means havin to twist my torso...oh how we take the neck muscles for granted...
The bike's partially damaged too...my rear DISC brakes arent functionin...Vowel Man's comin over tomorrow evenin to service it...i hope all goes well...
Ahhh...im in pain...what a terrible endin to a terrible week...
Saturday, April 24
School of Rock
The wailing riffs of guitar echo the room as i furiously punch the buttons on my keyboard...the British outfit The Darkness has their first album out...aptly named 'Permission to Land'...it's been years since UK had a decent rock outfit...the last time the land of fish-n-chips churned out a genuinely great rock band...Def Leppard was the music of choice by many teens...the one time wonder-boys of the new British metal are..amazingly...still around...can anyone say "I lost my virginity to Def Leppard"?...it's bout damn time The Darkness came along...the world has had enough of Guns & Roses rehash! Permission granted! Neways i digress...those sexy vocals of Justin Hawkins just glisten with delight...they remind me so much of my youth...listenin to Def's Joe Elliot doin his Animal after taking a Photograph...oh those sweet memories...
Speakin of Gun & Roses...i distinctively remember the stick i got from my schoolmates back in my teens when i made the fatal mistake of professin my love for Def Leppard over Guns & Roses...ok big mistake? Big whoop? Would "I prefer Def Leppard instead" be more appropriate?
Thankfully some of the more discerning music-loving schoolmates of mine knew their Black Sabbaths and Metallicas , and promptly backed me up with some well-thought out retorts that read 'Dude if the only rock you know is G&R you are one sad motherfucker. Also, G&R uses controversy to sell their records. Def Leppard? Oh...the drummer has one hand. Yes. So STFU.'
Well perhaps i made a meal of things...but comparin Def Leppard and G&R is like comparin ribbed condoms with flavored condoms. They both perform the same basic function - prevention of STD...but that's bout where it ends.
No doubt bout it...i adore G&R too...in fact i simply love their songs. So many of em are laced with American street-talk innuendos...most ppl outside of a drugs-sex-and-violence culture wouldnt be able to understand some of their lyrics. Until my late teens...i have to admit i was one of em...headbanging my shoulder-length hair to lyrics that occasionally made me go wtf? LOL. Then again...the cycle always continues...teens these days dont know half the shit that's comin out of foreign countries too...take for example...Limp Bizkit's 3rd album Chocolate Starfish and the Hot-Dog Flavored Water released in 2000. Now...for the ignorants out there....it seems just like another MTV-ish attempt by lead singer Fred Durst to garner more Carson Dalys in his circle of friends...but the moniker's just another thinly disguised attempt to scream "Hi let's take some drugs and have some wild uninhibited sex." Those poor teenagers out there...they dont know the amount of repulsive abhorence that's being bombarded by the media these days...yet they just keep lappin it up...
If only they knew...wonder what their parents have to say...
Somethin for our anachronistic Government to ponder about perhaps?
The wailing riffs of guitar echo the room as i furiously punch the buttons on my keyboard...the British outfit The Darkness has their first album out...aptly named 'Permission to Land'...it's been years since UK had a decent rock outfit...the last time the land of fish-n-chips churned out a genuinely great rock band...Def Leppard was the music of choice by many teens...the one time wonder-boys of the new British metal are..amazingly...still around...can anyone say "I lost my virginity to Def Leppard"?...it's bout damn time The Darkness came along...the world has had enough of Guns & Roses rehash! Permission granted! Neways i digress...those sexy vocals of Justin Hawkins just glisten with delight...they remind me so much of my youth...listenin to Def's Joe Elliot doin his Animal after taking a Photograph...oh those sweet memories...
Speakin of Gun & Roses...i distinctively remember the stick i got from my schoolmates back in my teens when i made the fatal mistake of professin my love for Def Leppard over Guns & Roses...ok big mistake? Big whoop? Would "I prefer Def Leppard instead" be more appropriate?
Thankfully some of the more discerning music-loving schoolmates of mine knew their Black Sabbaths and Metallicas , and promptly backed me up with some well-thought out retorts that read 'Dude if the only rock you know is G&R you are one sad motherfucker. Also, G&R uses controversy to sell their records. Def Leppard? Oh...the drummer has one hand. Yes. So STFU.'
Well perhaps i made a meal of things...but comparin Def Leppard and G&R is like comparin ribbed condoms with flavored condoms. They both perform the same basic function - prevention of STD...but that's bout where it ends.
No doubt bout it...i adore G&R too...in fact i simply love their songs. So many of em are laced with American street-talk innuendos...most ppl outside of a drugs-sex-and-violence culture wouldnt be able to understand some of their lyrics. Until my late teens...i have to admit i was one of em...headbanging my shoulder-length hair to lyrics that occasionally made me go wtf? LOL. Then again...the cycle always continues...teens these days dont know half the shit that's comin out of foreign countries too...take for example...Limp Bizkit's 3rd album Chocolate Starfish and the Hot-Dog Flavored Water released in 2000. Now...for the ignorants out there....it seems just like another MTV-ish attempt by lead singer Fred Durst to garner more Carson Dalys in his circle of friends...but the moniker's just another thinly disguised attempt to scream "Hi let's take some drugs and have some wild uninhibited sex." Those poor teenagers out there...they dont know the amount of repulsive abhorence that's being bombarded by the media these days...yet they just keep lappin it up...
If only they knew...wonder what their parents have to say...
Somethin for our anachronistic Government to ponder about perhaps?
Wednesday, April 21
Sexuality??
For a good 4 years now...the people around me...be it acquaintances...friends (mind you...some are really good friends of mine)...and until recently...colleagues from my evergreen Saatchi Lab...have been questionin my very ambiguous sexuality...i think it's bout time i set the record straight...iron out the creases...mow the lawn...rock my boat...eh...u get what i mean...
For starters...i think there's a very thin line between a metrosexual and a fully-certified gay...people...or rather...my friends...need to understand the very basic rationale behind that...which is my sexual preference...that very conveniently happens to be una mujer...
Yes...i do follow the de rigeur du jour of cleanse, tone and moisturise...it's a habit cultivated after several rather embarrassing young adult years of walkin around with a live volcano on my face...and oh yes i do it ever so lovingly and gently...with great chutzpah and aplomb...not that im complainin bout the money spent...it's doin wonders for my skin and 'texture'...so much so that ive been mistaken for puttin on makeup...ehm...my pores are too open for you? Or do i have that radiant Oil of Ulay look? :) And no...im not gettin prettier by the day...also...no intentions to model anytime soon...
Yes...i do get my hands and feet pampered...i tell ya...nothin beats gettin your XX days old corns and dry skin deliced and deticked with some good old manicure and pedicure sessions...i mean...you SIMPLY have to take good care of em...your hands are the first (sic) part of your anatomy that greets a stranger...and those feet have to put up with your punishing strides...if u can fork out $80 for a tee-shirt...why not pay the same for your limbs? I know many women who do prefer the "Ooh-u-have-such-rough-hands-u-must-be-macho" look...but how would u like those men to caress your breasts and mons with those gruff instruments?
Yes...half the time i look like ive got lipstick on...those supple, rosy and full lips of mine look ripe for pickings...but eh...sorry to disappoint ya...it's JUST LIP GLOSS...i mean...i'm only doin my lips lip service (pardon the pun) when they're the second (sic) part of my body that greets a stranger...now tell me...do you want rough flaky lips to titilllate your thirsty mouth...or would you rather kiss smooth and moist lips? Now even if Joe-Next-Door cant kiss to save his life...if he had taken the decency to take good care of his lips...his first kiss would be the talk of Tinseltown...
Yes...i know the difference between an eau de parfum and eau de toilette...or recognise a cologne just from the scent...now is it a crime for a man to indulge in scents? Perhaps...a man's scent is the third (sic) part of you that a stranger would identify you with...and wouldnt you wana smell the part when you are dressing the part? How cool is it when you are all decked up in the nines for a College bash...only to be caught dead with a wrong scent...or...criminally...WITHOUT a scent?? Imagine...Joe-Next-Door's goin for a round of golf...and he sprays on...say...Guy Larouche Horizon....WTF?!?!!? Or...a hot date with Kristin Kreuk...without a scent when she's in Estee Lauder Pleasures? God save your soul if you dont indulge in scents...
These days men are livin it up...an extensive range of beauty products are available at their fingertips...there is a growin market for men...beauty products which were previously aimed at women have found widespread popularity with men...though it's only in recent years has this phenomenon been readily acceptable...hands up if you've nicked your girlfriend's toner after a shower...or your mom's moisturiser before you sleep...i know i have...
I hope to see more men takin good and proper care of themselves...a quick shower isnt gona suffice these days...women dont just want a man with great personality and a bottomless pocket...they also want to be seen with a man who knows how to groom himself...for...isnt it true that if a man is able to pamper himself...imagine the adulations the woman's gona receive...
For a good 4 years now...the people around me...be it acquaintances...friends (mind you...some are really good friends of mine)...and until recently...colleagues from my evergreen Saatchi Lab...have been questionin my very ambiguous sexuality...i think it's bout time i set the record straight...iron out the creases...mow the lawn...rock my boat...eh...u get what i mean...
For starters...i think there's a very thin line between a metrosexual and a fully-certified gay...people...or rather...my friends...need to understand the very basic rationale behind that...which is my sexual preference...that very conveniently happens to be una mujer...
Yes...i do follow the de rigeur du jour of cleanse, tone and moisturise...it's a habit cultivated after several rather embarrassing young adult years of walkin around with a live volcano on my face...and oh yes i do it ever so lovingly and gently...with great chutzpah and aplomb...not that im complainin bout the money spent...it's doin wonders for my skin and 'texture'...so much so that ive been mistaken for puttin on makeup...ehm...my pores are too open for you? Or do i have that radiant Oil of Ulay look? :) And no...im not gettin prettier by the day...also...no intentions to model anytime soon...
Yes...i do get my hands and feet pampered...i tell ya...nothin beats gettin your XX days old corns and dry skin deliced and deticked with some good old manicure and pedicure sessions...i mean...you SIMPLY have to take good care of em...your hands are the first (sic) part of your anatomy that greets a stranger...and those feet have to put up with your punishing strides...if u can fork out $80 for a tee-shirt...why not pay the same for your limbs? I know many women who do prefer the "Ooh-u-have-such-rough-hands-u-must-be-macho" look...but how would u like those men to caress your breasts and mons with those gruff instruments?
Yes...half the time i look like ive got lipstick on...those supple, rosy and full lips of mine look ripe for pickings...but eh...sorry to disappoint ya...it's JUST LIP GLOSS...i mean...i'm only doin my lips lip service (pardon the pun) when they're the second (sic) part of my body that greets a stranger...now tell me...do you want rough flaky lips to titilllate your thirsty mouth...or would you rather kiss smooth and moist lips? Now even if Joe-Next-Door cant kiss to save his life...if he had taken the decency to take good care of his lips...his first kiss would be the talk of Tinseltown...
Yes...i know the difference between an eau de parfum and eau de toilette...or recognise a cologne just from the scent...now is it a crime for a man to indulge in scents? Perhaps...a man's scent is the third (sic) part of you that a stranger would identify you with...and wouldnt you wana smell the part when you are dressing the part? How cool is it when you are all decked up in the nines for a College bash...only to be caught dead with a wrong scent...or...criminally...WITHOUT a scent?? Imagine...Joe-Next-Door's goin for a round of golf...and he sprays on...say...Guy Larouche Horizon....WTF?!?!!? Or...a hot date with Kristin Kreuk...without a scent when she's in Estee Lauder Pleasures? God save your soul if you dont indulge in scents...
These days men are livin it up...an extensive range of beauty products are available at their fingertips...there is a growin market for men...beauty products which were previously aimed at women have found widespread popularity with men...though it's only in recent years has this phenomenon been readily acceptable...hands up if you've nicked your girlfriend's toner after a shower...or your mom's moisturiser before you sleep...i know i have...
I hope to see more men takin good and proper care of themselves...a quick shower isnt gona suffice these days...women dont just want a man with great personality and a bottomless pocket...they also want to be seen with a man who knows how to groom himself...for...isnt it true that if a man is able to pamper himself...imagine the adulations the woman's gona receive...
Sunday, April 18
Models Inc.
Ahhh...one of the more eventful weekends...it's back to the same ol' 'events coverage' and shoulder rubbing with the Rich, Beautiful and Famous...
A tickin off by my dearest editor prompted me to get me ass off Warcraft 3 to everyone's favorite shoppin mall along Orchard Road...the Singapore 'Fashion Rocks' ends this weekend...and oh boy what a finale...Mercedes sponsored a huge ass fashion show at Takashimaya...where local designers had a whale of a time delightin fashion-bereft Singaporeans of some really scintillatin designs...i was there to cover the event...well actually...just this once...all i had to do was take really pretty pictures of the 'HOLY SHIT OMFG BEAUTIFUL IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT' models...from the street garbs of I.D Identity to the clean lines of Allure...it was a reality check for most of the clueless crowd...time to hit the makeover centers ppl...those models were beauty personified...no amount of groomin will get you anywhere like em...
Then it was a bus ride down to Zouk...the X-Nation show was rehash a of ESPN-meets-Models Inc....Zouk's mini version of 'Fashion Rocks'...local Xtreme sports enthusiasts got a chance to showcase their talented (or rather..the lack of it) BMX/Roller-Blades/Skateboard tricks...i winced as i peered through the crowd...the 'talents' were generally makin a fool of themselves...for someone who's raised on a diet of ESPN X-Treme sports...this makes for tame viewin...someone please hand these lamers a trophy already...it reads: FOR EFFORT...
A good number of the models paradin through the parking lots were from the event at Takashimaya earlier...so there i was...standin with eyes wide shut...goin ''HOLY SHIT OMFG BEAUTIFUL IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT' again...
Thank god for good company...Chloe had made herself available tonight...she was coverin the X-Nation show...bad braces aside...she's a sassy young lass who stimulates my mind...we had intelligent conversations thoughout the night...topic of the day? Singaporeans and our pet peeve...English!!
Oh the night's still young...the Deadly Duo headed to Centro after supper...Swedish Detroit-Techno DJ Aril Brikha was spinnin...and i had the pleasure of coverin him for ComeIndulge...oh my eyes really hurt now...several of those 'HOLY SHIT OMFG BEAUTIFUL IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT' models were makin their presence felt...for all eyes were on them...struttin their stuff on the podium...groovin to Aril's funky beats...
And then...BAM...it's 3AM...and im home...bloggin...wide awake...
What a Saturday indeed...
Ahhh...one of the more eventful weekends...it's back to the same ol' 'events coverage' and shoulder rubbing with the Rich, Beautiful and Famous...
A tickin off by my dearest editor prompted me to get me ass off Warcraft 3 to everyone's favorite shoppin mall along Orchard Road...the Singapore 'Fashion Rocks' ends this weekend...and oh boy what a finale...Mercedes sponsored a huge ass fashion show at Takashimaya...where local designers had a whale of a time delightin fashion-bereft Singaporeans of some really scintillatin designs...i was there to cover the event...well actually...just this once...all i had to do was take really pretty pictures of the 'HOLY SHIT OMFG BEAUTIFUL IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT' models...from the street garbs of I.D Identity to the clean lines of Allure...it was a reality check for most of the clueless crowd...time to hit the makeover centers ppl...those models were beauty personified...no amount of groomin will get you anywhere like em...
Then it was a bus ride down to Zouk...the X-Nation show was rehash a of ESPN-meets-Models Inc....Zouk's mini version of 'Fashion Rocks'...local Xtreme sports enthusiasts got a chance to showcase their talented (or rather..the lack of it) BMX/Roller-Blades/Skateboard tricks...i winced as i peered through the crowd...the 'talents' were generally makin a fool of themselves...for someone who's raised on a diet of ESPN X-Treme sports...this makes for tame viewin...someone please hand these lamers a trophy already...it reads: FOR EFFORT...
A good number of the models paradin through the parking lots were from the event at Takashimaya earlier...so there i was...standin with eyes wide shut...goin ''HOLY SHIT OMFG BEAUTIFUL IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT' again...
Thank god for good company...Chloe had made herself available tonight...she was coverin the X-Nation show...bad braces aside...she's a sassy young lass who stimulates my mind...we had intelligent conversations thoughout the night...topic of the day? Singaporeans and our pet peeve...English!!
Oh the night's still young...the Deadly Duo headed to Centro after supper...Swedish Detroit-Techno DJ Aril Brikha was spinnin...and i had the pleasure of coverin him for ComeIndulge...oh my eyes really hurt now...several of those 'HOLY SHIT OMFG BEAUTIFUL IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT' models were makin their presence felt...for all eyes were on them...struttin their stuff on the podium...groovin to Aril's funky beats...
And then...BAM...it's 3AM...and im home...bloggin...wide awake...
What a Saturday indeed...
Saturday, April 17
My day
ARSEnal 5 Leeds 0....nuff said...there goes my day...
ARSEnal 5 Leeds 0....nuff said...there goes my day...
Wednesday, April 14
Glory Days
With 5 games left of the season...my beleagured Leeds managed a credible 1-1 draw with Liverpudians Everton. Credible coz of the attackin football they played...credible coz the Everton keeper Nigel Martyn kept them in the game...and also credible (or is it incredible?) coz Leeds...in a moment of folly...sold Nigel earlier this season after 8 glorious years at Yorkshire.
'God'...as Nigel was called back in Leeds...was an appropriate moniker...never will i forget Nigel's influential roles and gravity defyin saves durin our 'Glory Years'...from the amazing run back in the 2000/2001 season which took Leeds to the Champion's League Semi-Finals...bustin European giants Barcelona, Lazio, Deportivo La Coruna and Milan (not to mention scarin the livin daylights out of Real Madrid, Besiktas and Anderlecht) ...to the 3-4 years Leeds were genuinely considered Championship contenders...the day Leeds sat proudly atop the English Premier League...lookin down with much disdain and hatred at Scumchester United (BTW....all you Scum fans can lick my crusty butt cheeks)...
It's incredible...lookin at Leeds now...their dire financial position and on-field predicaments...to think that just 3 years ago we were tramplin the Italian and Spanish giants like a crushed can in a compactor...fortunes can take a dip in the bat of an eyelid...but it's the true test of strength and character of the club and its fans...be it regionally or globally...that will hold Leeds United together...no matter which league they play...they can be sure i'll be rootin for them...
With 5 games left of the season...my beleagured Leeds managed a credible 1-1 draw with Liverpudians Everton. Credible coz of the attackin football they played...credible coz the Everton keeper Nigel Martyn kept them in the game...and also credible (or is it incredible?) coz Leeds...in a moment of folly...sold Nigel earlier this season after 8 glorious years at Yorkshire.
'God'...as Nigel was called back in Leeds...was an appropriate moniker...never will i forget Nigel's influential roles and gravity defyin saves durin our 'Glory Years'...from the amazing run back in the 2000/2001 season which took Leeds to the Champion's League Semi-Finals...bustin European giants Barcelona, Lazio, Deportivo La Coruna and Milan (not to mention scarin the livin daylights out of Real Madrid, Besiktas and Anderlecht) ...to the 3-4 years Leeds were genuinely considered Championship contenders...the day Leeds sat proudly atop the English Premier League...lookin down with much disdain and hatred at Scumchester United (BTW....all you Scum fans can lick my crusty butt cheeks)...
It's incredible...lookin at Leeds now...their dire financial position and on-field predicaments...to think that just 3 years ago we were tramplin the Italian and Spanish giants like a crushed can in a compactor...fortunes can take a dip in the bat of an eyelid...but it's the true test of strength and character of the club and its fans...be it regionally or globally...that will hold Leeds United together...no matter which league they play...they can be sure i'll be rootin for them...
Monday, April 12
Faith, Hope and God
An interestin post i stumbled across left me absolutely convinced that true and undyin faith for God doesnt equate to intelligence...from Disposable Christian. To cut the chase short...here's the post he made...
"There are a few of us who have conquered sinful lust. It has been 358 days today since I last entertained a lustful thought or suffered the ill manifestations of conscious lust. One of the most offensive thoughts in relation to this battle that every Christian man fights is the notion that those who win are somehow weaker in passion or desire than those who do not. I abhor the lie that says, "I just have too much desire. It has been my biggest problem for such a long time." I despise the implication that these 'men' are 'just too great of lovers to overcome the sin'. I say their passions are misplaced and their love is wrong. I ask, does it even make sense? Would God in Jesus Christ, commanding purity, reward obedience with impotence? Would the everlasting bridegroom pair adultery toward Him with fidelity toward an earthly wife? If marriage is worship, how would activity reserved for its context be lesser in intensity in those with greater passion for God? Is sinful lust compatible with the first and great commandment-- to love The Great I AM who is Love with everything you are? I'm talking about the thoughts of Christian men in churches and small groups, "accountability groups," all over the world. Pastor Rob wasn't talking about them specifically but was speaking generally about passion when he said, "If you say your passion for God is increasing but your passion for other [sinful, sin-related] things is not decreasing, you are lying." I passionately agree."
Im sorry...but i assume this loser's intepretation of a lustful thought or suffered the ill manifestations of conscious lust would be mentally strippin off a woman's clothes? Ok if it is...this 2-eyed manisfestation of Jonathan Levinson (for Buffy fans out there) is just bout the biggest pussy since the grinnin Cheshire Cat made his appearance in Alice in Wonderland...forever capturin the kids' imagination...
But i digress...now tell me...how is a man able to go even a day without thinkin of nocturnal activities with a fantabulous woman who makes your gonads go huh? Yes your faith is strong...it's embedded in the innermost region of your unconscious beliefs...make no mistake about it...it's somethin u wake up and fall asleep to..."God watches over me when i sleep"...so yeah...i guess he must be somewhere in your Rapid Eye Movement (REM) stages...
I wonder...how is purity and chastity goin to make your life better when you have absolutely no fuckin clue on the stuff that ya missin out on? Is masturbation considered unclean? I've had a couple of male friends confessin that they've never...in their entire soddin lives...masturbated...
Riiiiight....
If God was always right and wants the best for us...why wouldnt he want us to enjoy the fruits of life? The sweet nectar of pre-marital sex...the beautiful bloomin flowers of masturbation....the picturesque view of multiple sex partners...or the crystal clear waters of polygamy? Speakin of which...if a spouse has just lost his other half...and has been monogamous and faithful his entire life...would it be considered dirty, wrong and downright sinful for him to remarry? Wouldnt deuterogamy be unclean too?
I beg to differ...but there's just too many things in life that are worth givin up for...in fairness it's for the better...God loves us...or does he?..We are reminded of the harmful repurcussions of smokin...and when we do give up smokin...we are killed by an errant driver who crashes into us...We've never cheated on our spouse and enjoyed the same sex partner in our lives...only to find the other half in bed with someone else...We've never engaged in unprotected sex...only to die of AIDS from a glob of influenza of an infected person...so tell me...how is God fair?
Perhaps there really is a reason why ive stopped goin to church on Sundays...the early mornin convenings and the public display of affection by spirited sing along sessions (Yes...im Methodist)...what does that prove? Instead of enlightenment...the days in church have brought about more disillusionment in me...for often i wonder to myself...if we really do believe in God...why do we have to bust our ass every fuckin Sunday mornin to sing some lame ass songs thought up by some 40yo-geezer who couldnt even win a spelling contest...i mean...has anyone out there seen the song lyrics? They're so Grade 12...if that geezer can think that up...i'll have won a Grammy last year...
God is in us...so why sing out loud and proclaim to the world? Shouldnt faith and emotional strength be somethin that you gently nurture individually over years of hardship and turmoil? It's not like God's gona grant us...in Singapore's case...a better standard of governin...where Democracy is actually represented...God i beseech you...let there be Capitalism in Singapore...and Rights of Speech...the First Ammendment Act's the best thing that ever happened to United States...why deprive the rest of the world with it? Do you love Americans more than us?
God...do you really love us?
An interestin post i stumbled across left me absolutely convinced that true and undyin faith for God doesnt equate to intelligence...from Disposable Christian. To cut the chase short...here's the post he made...
"There are a few of us who have conquered sinful lust. It has been 358 days today since I last entertained a lustful thought or suffered the ill manifestations of conscious lust. One of the most offensive thoughts in relation to this battle that every Christian man fights is the notion that those who win are somehow weaker in passion or desire than those who do not. I abhor the lie that says, "I just have too much desire. It has been my biggest problem for such a long time." I despise the implication that these 'men' are 'just too great of lovers to overcome the sin'. I say their passions are misplaced and their love is wrong. I ask, does it even make sense? Would God in Jesus Christ, commanding purity, reward obedience with impotence? Would the everlasting bridegroom pair adultery toward Him with fidelity toward an earthly wife? If marriage is worship, how would activity reserved for its context be lesser in intensity in those with greater passion for God? Is sinful lust compatible with the first and great commandment-- to love The Great I AM who is Love with everything you are? I'm talking about the thoughts of Christian men in churches and small groups, "accountability groups," all over the world. Pastor Rob wasn't talking about them specifically but was speaking generally about passion when he said, "If you say your passion for God is increasing but your passion for other [sinful, sin-related] things is not decreasing, you are lying." I passionately agree."
Im sorry...but i assume this loser's intepretation of a lustful thought or suffered the ill manifestations of conscious lust would be mentally strippin off a woman's clothes? Ok if it is...this 2-eyed manisfestation of Jonathan Levinson (for Buffy fans out there) is just bout the biggest pussy since the grinnin Cheshire Cat made his appearance in Alice in Wonderland...forever capturin the kids' imagination...
But i digress...now tell me...how is a man able to go even a day without thinkin of nocturnal activities with a fantabulous woman who makes your gonads go huh? Yes your faith is strong...it's embedded in the innermost region of your unconscious beliefs...make no mistake about it...it's somethin u wake up and fall asleep to..."God watches over me when i sleep"...so yeah...i guess he must be somewhere in your Rapid Eye Movement (REM) stages...
I wonder...how is purity and chastity goin to make your life better when you have absolutely no fuckin clue on the stuff that ya missin out on? Is masturbation considered unclean? I've had a couple of male friends confessin that they've never...in their entire soddin lives...masturbated...
Riiiiight....
If God was always right and wants the best for us...why wouldnt he want us to enjoy the fruits of life? The sweet nectar of pre-marital sex...the beautiful bloomin flowers of masturbation....the picturesque view of multiple sex partners...or the crystal clear waters of polygamy? Speakin of which...if a spouse has just lost his other half...and has been monogamous and faithful his entire life...would it be considered dirty, wrong and downright sinful for him to remarry? Wouldnt deuterogamy be unclean too?
I beg to differ...but there's just too many things in life that are worth givin up for...in fairness it's for the better...God loves us...or does he?..We are reminded of the harmful repurcussions of smokin...and when we do give up smokin...we are killed by an errant driver who crashes into us...We've never cheated on our spouse and enjoyed the same sex partner in our lives...only to find the other half in bed with someone else...We've never engaged in unprotected sex...only to die of AIDS from a glob of influenza of an infected person...so tell me...how is God fair?
Perhaps there really is a reason why ive stopped goin to church on Sundays...the early mornin convenings and the public display of affection by spirited sing along sessions (Yes...im Methodist)...what does that prove? Instead of enlightenment...the days in church have brought about more disillusionment in me...for often i wonder to myself...if we really do believe in God...why do we have to bust our ass every fuckin Sunday mornin to sing some lame ass songs thought up by some 40yo-geezer who couldnt even win a spelling contest...i mean...has anyone out there seen the song lyrics? They're so Grade 12...if that geezer can think that up...i'll have won a Grammy last year...
God is in us...so why sing out loud and proclaim to the world? Shouldnt faith and emotional strength be somethin that you gently nurture individually over years of hardship and turmoil? It's not like God's gona grant us...in Singapore's case...a better standard of governin...where Democracy is actually represented...God i beseech you...let there be Capitalism in Singapore...and Rights of Speech...the First Ammendment Act's the best thing that ever happened to United States...why deprive the rest of the world with it? Do you love Americans more than us?
God...do you really love us?
Jesus is watching you
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard,
"Jesus is watching you."
Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
"Did you say that?" He hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed."Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses?" The burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"
"The kind of people that would name a rottweiler Jesus."
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard,
"Jesus is watching you."
Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
"Did you say that?" He hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed."Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses?" The burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"
"The kind of people that would name a rottweiler Jesus."
Sunday, April 11
On the brink..CMON LEEDS!
A series of favorable results have pulled my beloved Leeds United out of the bottom 3...well...almost...our 2nd consecutive win has brought us within touchin distance of the 17th position...if not for our inferior goal difference i'll be poppin champagne bottles like i've won a Formaula 1 rally or somethin...cant fault our performance today...magnificent play by the boys overall...if only we could play like this all season...we wouldnt be in the quagmire we find ourselves in...
Now for Everton at home...i wait with bated breaths...
A series of favorable results have pulled my beloved Leeds United out of the bottom 3...well...almost...our 2nd consecutive win has brought us within touchin distance of the 17th position...if not for our inferior goal difference i'll be poppin champagne bottles like i've won a Formaula 1 rally or somethin...cant fault our performance today...magnificent play by the boys overall...if only we could play like this all season...we wouldnt be in the quagmire we find ourselves in...
Now for Everton at home...i wait with bated breaths...
Friday, April 9
Chicken
This is...without a doubt...the freakiest website ever...it's fuckin funny...yet strangely...morbid...i've seen this link on several blogs...a testament to how weird it is...it's works in a "web-cam" kinda way...when the website loads...you see a view of a sparcely furnished livin area...and a man in a chicken suit struts slowly into the room from the right...we're prompted to punch in commands for the chicken to perform...type 'dance' and the chicken starts a series of weird William Hung-esque movements that cracks me up...there is however...a limit to what the chicken can do...i punched in 'masturbate' and i got a freaky almost re-enactment of Sadako in 'The Ring'...anyway enough of talk...go to this link for some freaky fun...subservient-chicken.com
I wonder who's the mofo behind this...
This is...without a doubt...the freakiest website ever...it's fuckin funny...yet strangely...morbid...i've seen this link on several blogs...a testament to how weird it is...it's works in a "web-cam" kinda way...when the website loads...you see a view of a sparcely furnished livin area...and a man in a chicken suit struts slowly into the room from the right...we're prompted to punch in commands for the chicken to perform...type 'dance' and the chicken starts a series of weird William Hung-esque movements that cracks me up...there is however...a limit to what the chicken can do...i punched in 'masturbate' and i got a freaky almost re-enactment of Sadako in 'The Ring'...anyway enough of talk...go to this link for some freaky fun...subservient-chicken.com
I wonder who's the mofo behind this...
Thursday, April 8
Tina
It's official. The Association of Women for Action and Reseach (AWARE) has appointed a new President. And she works in my office.
Oh the horror. Let's call her Tina. By day Tina is a hardworkin lady who juggles the hustle and bustle of Advertisin and daily humdrum of commutin to work with a dogged determination. By night she moonlights as an avid watcher of Ally McBeal and Buffy, jottin down anti-male bias and male-bashing notes with furious intensity.
Perhaps Tina isnt always a foul-smellin, odious and sneerin bint...im positively sure she's just bout the most pleasant lady around...but let Tina go one night without 'gettin some' and all hell breaks loose...rufflin her feathers is tantamount to a sorry date that ends without a goodnight kiss.
As it is...im still flabbergasted by Tina's audacity to mock the general male population...with the most venomous words directed with a left-wing fanatic condemnation at yours truly. You should see her rear her ugly head and bare her fangs - freaky indeed. Her criticisms was an overt attempt to criticise men...the lack of thereof and their inadequacies. Now tell me...how and when was being a male sacrilegious? My manhood...and all males...are threatened by your very existence...and your fellow sisters.
As a strong believer in individual rights and liberties..Tina's attempt to disgrace men is a direct attack at men who are genuinely not the pacifists most women would encounter along the streets. It's an attack at individualism. Self expression is being curbed. The true gentlemen must be in sorry decline. We men are forever condemned to be borin old farts who...i quote...'turns his back when he spots a pretty babe.' or 'Every ten things he says, nine are about sex.' Any woman who believes in Tina's truly anachronistic ideas and beliefs is relegatin herself to a lifetime of spinsterhood, endless summer nights with a dildo in hand and further severin the loose ties men and women currently enjoy.
Men have been so maligned by our society that they are not taken seriously when they protest or report a sex crime against them. Not enough laws are drawn to protect men from women like Tina. With self-flagellatin women like her in the helm of things...every father would be a potential child abuser...every boy would be monitored from young...discouraged from education and relegated to house hold chores...stifled of creativity and individualism...
Im all for feminism.
But most of the male bashin we see has been downright unfair...laughable...absurd...overwrought and mostly without substance. Yes...alot of it was painful and spoke the truth...we men truly deserved it...some were difficult to understand...but we men...being the 'lesser gender'...eventually figured them out...
Given time...i hope men and women would eventually understand each other. Tina...if u read this...u must realise...im glad there's no love lost between us...i would gladly take you on in a verbal-fest...heck a mis-matched 5-vs-1 rumble would be fun too...but...as you described a VIRUS MAN: "Also known as the "Husband", when you are married to him, he forgets about his promised performance and expectations. USPs become Used-to-be Selling Points. He fails warranty period, and does not come with a refund after "i do"..."
Remember that Tina...coz..in spite of all your babbles...
You are married.
It's official. The Association of Women for Action and Reseach (AWARE) has appointed a new President. And she works in my office.
Oh the horror. Let's call her Tina. By day Tina is a hardworkin lady who juggles the hustle and bustle of Advertisin and daily humdrum of commutin to work with a dogged determination. By night she moonlights as an avid watcher of Ally McBeal and Buffy, jottin down anti-male bias and male-bashing notes with furious intensity.
Perhaps Tina isnt always a foul-smellin, odious and sneerin bint...im positively sure she's just bout the most pleasant lady around...but let Tina go one night without 'gettin some' and all hell breaks loose...rufflin her feathers is tantamount to a sorry date that ends without a goodnight kiss.
As it is...im still flabbergasted by Tina's audacity to mock the general male population...with the most venomous words directed with a left-wing fanatic condemnation at yours truly. You should see her rear her ugly head and bare her fangs - freaky indeed. Her criticisms was an overt attempt to criticise men...the lack of thereof and their inadequacies. Now tell me...how and when was being a male sacrilegious? My manhood...and all males...are threatened by your very existence...and your fellow sisters.
As a strong believer in individual rights and liberties..Tina's attempt to disgrace men is a direct attack at men who are genuinely not the pacifists most women would encounter along the streets. It's an attack at individualism. Self expression is being curbed. The true gentlemen must be in sorry decline. We men are forever condemned to be borin old farts who...i quote...'turns his back when he spots a pretty babe.' or 'Every ten things he says, nine are about sex.' Any woman who believes in Tina's truly anachronistic ideas and beliefs is relegatin herself to a lifetime of spinsterhood, endless summer nights with a dildo in hand and further severin the loose ties men and women currently enjoy.
Men have been so maligned by our society that they are not taken seriously when they protest or report a sex crime against them. Not enough laws are drawn to protect men from women like Tina. With self-flagellatin women like her in the helm of things...every father would be a potential child abuser...every boy would be monitored from young...discouraged from education and relegated to house hold chores...stifled of creativity and individualism...
Im all for feminism.
But most of the male bashin we see has been downright unfair...laughable...absurd...overwrought and mostly without substance. Yes...alot of it was painful and spoke the truth...we men truly deserved it...some were difficult to understand...but we men...being the 'lesser gender'...eventually figured them out...
Given time...i hope men and women would eventually understand each other. Tina...if u read this...u must realise...im glad there's no love lost between us...i would gladly take you on in a verbal-fest...heck a mis-matched 5-vs-1 rumble would be fun too...but...as you described a VIRUS MAN: "Also known as the "Husband", when you are married to him, he forgets about his promised performance and expectations. USPs become Used-to-be Selling Points. He fails warranty period, and does not come with a refund after "i do"..."
Remember that Tina...coz..in spite of all your babbles...
You are married.
Receptiveness
Stumbled upon this cool site...this bloke's seriously into his gay porn...spent a good 30 minutes browsin thru his site...he knows his gay porn alright! Enter at your own risk...explore with an open mind...
Stumbled upon this cool site...this bloke's seriously into his gay porn...spent a good 30 minutes browsin thru his site...he knows his gay porn alright! Enter at your own risk...explore with an open mind...
LMFAO
Turned on the TV the moment i got home. While trudgin up to the 2nd storey...half payin attention to the sounds emittin from the google box...i heard the funniest line from the hit TV series Monk... :
Cast:
Tony Shalhoub as Adrian Monk
Ted Levine as Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Bitty Schram as Sharona Fleming
Fleming: "Who was that?"
Monk (disengages his cellphone) : "My brother."
Fleming: "Your brother? You told me you were a single child!"
Monk: "Well we never really got along. He has issues."
Stottlemeyer (overhears the conversation): "Your brother has issues?!"
*guffaws* Multi-layered idiosyncratic anal-retentive compulsively clean Monk with a brother who has issues...hahahaha...
It sure made my day...
Turned on the TV the moment i got home. While trudgin up to the 2nd storey...half payin attention to the sounds emittin from the google box...i heard the funniest line from the hit TV series Monk... :
Cast:
Tony Shalhoub as Adrian Monk
Ted Levine as Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Bitty Schram as Sharona Fleming
Fleming: "Who was that?"
Monk (disengages his cellphone) : "My brother."
Fleming: "Your brother? You told me you were a single child!"
Monk: "Well we never really got along. He has issues."
Stottlemeyer (overhears the conversation): "Your brother has issues?!"
*guffaws* Multi-layered idiosyncratic anal-retentive compulsively clean Monk with a brother who has issues...hahahaha...
It sure made my day...
Wednesday, April 7
Single
What can possibly be sadder than a broken heart? You pin all these years of hopes and dreams onto your partner-in-crime...and diddly doo daa he sits down one day...swigs his bottle of beer and decides: "Damn im bored" and cuts you. Deep.
Pain personified. I sympathise with people in a relationship. They fail to see the facade that is HURT when it all ends.
What can possibly be sadder than a broken heart? You pin all these years of hopes and dreams onto your partner-in-crime...and diddly doo daa he sits down one day...swigs his bottle of beer and decides: "Damn im bored" and cuts you. Deep.
Pain personified. I sympathise with people in a relationship. They fail to see the facade that is HURT when it all ends.
Tuesday, April 6
Fuck Metaphors
I dream of dreams that make me dream...dreams that evoke sensual and provocative carnal innuendos on the woman i'm about to fuck...she's all chained up...dressed in the kinkiest S&M garb with a crotchless leather underwear...i approach...at first tentatively...tensin when she looks at me...my excited breaths breakin the lull of silence...when...with increasin intensity...the CD goes...
THE TEASE:
There's a certain clarity delivered when a drum strikes...
Again & again...
As the tone swells & drops...
Dance & percussion...
Are interdependant on each other...
Becoz the dialogue is openin up between them...
THE MOVE:
Music is a form of expression...
Of pure emotion...
Transcendin the boundary of language...
Like a cosmic morsecode...
THE KISS:
Dance & percussion...
To the pattern of the beat...
As the tone swells and drops...
The rhythm emerges from the pattern of the beat...
THE FUCK:
But when one engages himself through dance...
The experience of communication is brought up to another level...
Coz now...
We're not just receivin the information...
We're respondin to it...
THE AFTERMATH:
Dance & percussion...
Of pure emotion...
Let's dance baby...you and me...
I dream of dreams that make me dream...dreams that evoke sensual and provocative carnal innuendos on the woman i'm about to fuck...she's all chained up...dressed in the kinkiest S&M garb with a crotchless leather underwear...i approach...at first tentatively...tensin when she looks at me...my excited breaths breakin the lull of silence...when...with increasin intensity...the CD goes...
THE TEASE:
There's a certain clarity delivered when a drum strikes...
Again & again...
As the tone swells & drops...
Dance & percussion...
Are interdependant on each other...
Becoz the dialogue is openin up between them...
THE MOVE:
Music is a form of expression...
Of pure emotion...
Transcendin the boundary of language...
Like a cosmic morsecode...
THE KISS:
Dance & percussion...
To the pattern of the beat...
As the tone swells and drops...
The rhythm emerges from the pattern of the beat...
THE FUCK:
But when one engages himself through dance...
The experience of communication is brought up to another level...
Coz now...
We're not just receivin the information...
We're respondin to it...
THE AFTERMATH:
Dance & percussion...
Of pure emotion...
Let's dance baby...you and me...
Monday, April 5
Workout
I cycled to work this mornin. Serangoon North to Clarke Quay. All 12.01KM of it. 50 minutes on a flat terrain with mornin traffic. On my 2nd hand GT Zaskar Expert 03...a steal at $850...a MTB like this would easily fetch a market rate of $2500. Hand me downs are such a god send sometimes.
You can view the bike here.
I'll be commutin to work this way every Monday...it's a good form of workout...i get to flex the bike's muscles...and i get to flash it to the public...coz seriously...it's a very good bike...
My weekdays are now packed with activities...i believe afterwork activities are necassary for everyone to beat the '5-day week' syndrome...my weekday activities now look like this:
Monday - 50mins cycle to work and home. (Workout level: 5 out of 5)
Tuesday - 2 hours badminton with the office folks. (Workout level: 4 out of 5)
Wednesday - 5km run with yet again the office folks.(Workout level: 3 out of 5)
Thursday - *in Warcraft 3 peasant's voice* Work work...
Friday - Off
Satudary - Off
Sunday - 2 hours football (Workout level: 4 out of 5)
I can safely say im a hardcore sports maniac...overzealous with my physical activities...but nothin beats that adrenaline rush when ya all pumped up and primed for some good ol action...
Nothin...
'Cept sex...
Perhaps?
I cycled to work this mornin. Serangoon North to Clarke Quay. All 12.01KM of it. 50 minutes on a flat terrain with mornin traffic. On my 2nd hand GT Zaskar Expert 03...a steal at $850...a MTB like this would easily fetch a market rate of $2500. Hand me downs are such a god send sometimes.
You can view the bike here.
I'll be commutin to work this way every Monday...it's a good form of workout...i get to flex the bike's muscles...and i get to flash it to the public...coz seriously...it's a very good bike...
My weekdays are now packed with activities...i believe afterwork activities are necassary for everyone to beat the '5-day week' syndrome...my weekday activities now look like this:
Monday - 50mins cycle to work and home. (Workout level: 5 out of 5)
Tuesday - 2 hours badminton with the office folks. (Workout level: 4 out of 5)
Wednesday - 5km run with yet again the office folks.(Workout level: 3 out of 5)
Thursday - *in Warcraft 3 peasant's voice* Work work...
Friday - Off
Satudary - Off
Sunday - 2 hours football (Workout level: 4 out of 5)
I can safely say im a hardcore sports maniac...overzealous with my physical activities...but nothin beats that adrenaline rush when ya all pumped up and primed for some good ol action...
Nothin...
'Cept sex...
Perhaps?
Friday, April 2
Anger Part 1
Im incensed. A blog entry from my dearest editor Patricia shook me up from the bowels of sleepy-dom i was about to enter; in it she made a sly dig at me...and also at the local boys.
Now i dont profess to be a huge fan of Male Chauvinist Pigs or Singaporeans who dont speak English (yes...you read it right)...but when someone attacks men who are educated/street smart (read: me)..it's war.
And when someone criticizes men who has not failed to read a single edition of Straits Times for as far back as he can remember (read: me)...it's war.
And when someone criticizes men who read/write for leisure (read: me)...it's war.
And when someone criticizes men who eats, lives and breathes Pop culture (read: me)...it's war.
And lastly...i'll let it slide if someone mocks my Mandarin...but if some 3-eyed, big-haired hick from Alabama (lol...sorry Patricia...that's the first thing that came to my mind) thinks she's gona get away with some caustic imflammatory remarks bout my English...it's war.
Now im not blind...there's been a surge of local women 'lookin West' for the hope of snaggin a Caucasian man...all in the hope of gettin a better deal...as local men have been relegated to the 'has beens' department...supposedly less attractive...less fun...less uptight...
I suppose those women have given up all hope of securin a local man...for it seems no matter how privileged a local man is...they cant seem to score...local women are a boon to Caucasian men who want to sow their wild oats in Asia...and bane to single, smart and fun local men who find themselves in a lose-lose situation.
Local women won't look our way. White women think Asians are below them. 'Nuff said.
Let's take...for example...Regular Joe...he's smart, handsome, charmin and intelligent.
But...he says...it's impossible to score a decent date in Singapore because his female Asian counterparts are busy having their Caucasian fetishes serviced.
Wherever you look...supposedly 'richer, funnier, more carin' Caucasian men are datin the local women...what is left for men with the REAL DEAL ?
But this isnt my only gripe...what really pisses me off are the dawg ugly local men who speak NO English troopin off with attractive well heeled women...
Im incensed. A blog entry from my dearest editor Patricia shook me up from the bowels of sleepy-dom i was about to enter; in it she made a sly dig at me...and also at the local boys.
Now i dont profess to be a huge fan of Male Chauvinist Pigs or Singaporeans who dont speak English (yes...you read it right)...but when someone attacks men who are educated/street smart (read: me)..it's war.
And when someone criticizes men who has not failed to read a single edition of Straits Times for as far back as he can remember (read: me)...it's war.
And when someone criticizes men who read/write for leisure (read: me)...it's war.
And when someone criticizes men who eats, lives and breathes Pop culture (read: me)...it's war.
And lastly...i'll let it slide if someone mocks my Mandarin...but if some 3-eyed, big-haired hick from Alabama (lol...sorry Patricia...that's the first thing that came to my mind) thinks she's gona get away with some caustic imflammatory remarks bout my English...it's war.
Now im not blind...there's been a surge of local women 'lookin West' for the hope of snaggin a Caucasian man...all in the hope of gettin a better deal...as local men have been relegated to the 'has beens' department...supposedly less attractive...less fun...less uptight...
I suppose those women have given up all hope of securin a local man...for it seems no matter how privileged a local man is...they cant seem to score...local women are a boon to Caucasian men who want to sow their wild oats in Asia...and bane to single, smart and fun local men who find themselves in a lose-lose situation.
Local women won't look our way. White women think Asians are below them. 'Nuff said.
Let's take...for example...Regular Joe...he's smart, handsome, charmin and intelligent.
But...he says...it's impossible to score a decent date in Singapore because his female Asian counterparts are busy having their Caucasian fetishes serviced.
Wherever you look...supposedly 'richer, funnier, more carin' Caucasian men are datin the local women...what is left for men with the REAL DEAL ?
But this isnt my only gripe...what really pisses me off are the dawg ugly local men who speak NO English troopin off with attractive well heeled women...
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