Monday, April 26

 
Bad English

Sittin in the bus this mornin...commutin to work with the peaceful thought that Mr Bus Driver was gona get me to work safely without a drip of pespiration...a silly piece of logic i've been 'sworn to marry' occured to me....it's somethin that often brings me relief....a crazy (if you dont agree with me) and funny (if u agree with me but are too afraid to admit) rationalisation...but I experience it often...

It happens when this absofuckinglutely attractive woman catches my oh-so-wanderin eye...the way she's dressed to paint the town red...the way her hair's pinned...the way her expressive eyes sparkle with delight as if to tell me 'Hey Pretty Boy looky here! You know you want me! But guess what...you cant! Coz you are below me!'...maybe it's the first time I've seen her around...or maybe someone that i've spotted from the corner of my eye...and she's a recurring context that doesnt wana go away...i feel the little vibrations in my head that might start me off on the path of interest and action where she is concerned...i have this inate compulsive urge to walk up to her just to say 'Hi!' and stand there lookin really sheepish...shufflin feets and all...not knowin what to say next...

Then with relative suddenness...as if on cue...she opens her mouth to speak. A handy repertoire of inane English spills from her ruby lips....Instantly...my interest in her disappears faster than you could say "Ya-Lor." (Ya-Lor - Local colloquailism in Singapore that stands for 'Yes')

Honestly...i cant think of any action apart from bad English that makes me totally write someone off as a romantic interest...or even just as a passing interest...i wont even try to date someone who speaks bad English...so whatever my vector was towards this woman - irregardless of the number of times ive seen her...or whether ive seen her for the first time in my life...and the idea of startin to be genuinely interested about her...is now extinguished...strangely enough my secondary reaction to this event is usually relief.

Why you may ask?

Im sorry...but to all the gorgeous pussies out there waitin for a good fuck...i'll just have to pass you by...first things first...ive got vectors pulsatin at and through women all the fuckin time...and half the time it's a mad rush to juggle them...for men think with 2 heads...their head head and their dick-head...my dick just wants a moist hole to park...but my brain tells me..."Dude...she's not gona understand a word you say. Even if she did...she'll think ya some banana speakin with an American accent...but IM NOT SPEAKIN WITH AN ACCENT AND I DONT SLANG...MAYBE IT'S BECOZ YOU HAVE A DEPRAVED AND DEPRIVED CHILDHOOD AND YOU CANT TELL THE FUCKIN DIFFERENCE BETWEEN STAR WARS AND STAR TREK!"...so here i am tryin to decide who to pursue...and when ive finally decided on my intended prey...she simply has to spoil it by openin her big fat mouth that's inundated with foul English....it just kills her vector so dead that she vanishes off my Chick radar in such a way that she might as well never have been there....strangely enough that means less work, stress and wondering for me! Coz now i cant even regret that she's not an option because there simply was no chance in the first place...i now have more time worryin on less mundane issues like buyin the next batch of Buffy toys and/or eyein that cute lass that had me spellbound with her perfectly-enunciated English that's laced with wit...

Sad to say 'less-mundane-worryin' doesnt seem to happen very often...just the other day i had chanced upon this incredibly beautiful bint in a coffee joint who had the entire package...i thought to myself..."No fuckin way she's gona spoil my evenin and espouse bad English...coz im soooo gona walk up to her just to say Hi." But no...God had bigger plans for me...the bint proceeded to not ust spoil my evenin...my Iced Tazo Tea didnt even see the bottom of the cup...

My question of the day - "Is it possible to discover that someone you seriously dig needs to sign up for English at a Preliminary Level...and be made to feel somehow better by the acquisition of this knowledge?"

Im still lookin for the woman who'd make me feel that way...

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