Wednesday, December 31
2003 Finale
It's the last day of 2003...slightly less than 8 hours left before it dies...it's life slowly ebbing away...it's been a bittersweet year for me...i finally graduated with an Advanced Diploma...somethin that ive been tellin myself to achieve for over 4 years...2 years being spent in the fuckin Army...and another 2 to replace the crazy years i wasted in my Polytechnic days...i finally started to write for the masses...a dream of mine since i was 7...closet writin is now a thing of the past...relationships between my close friends have improved dramatically...finally ppl can begin to see me for the way i am...not the John they'd always thought would be....ive also made so many new friends that i dont even know where to start....
On the minus side...the road to employment is a long one...the relationship with my family is still strained...a messy post-relationship incident and my half hearted attempts to find someone special in my life is still...well...half hearted...
I'd managed to stay out of trouble for another year now...it's quite a feat considerin the hell-raiser i was a few years back...i dont need anyone to remind me the repurcussions of one's actions...a man has to pay the dues that he owes....im no shrinkin violet...and i'll be man enough to admit it...and im glad that im still happy...cheerful...free from hurt and harm...un-tormented...and forward lookin...
A call from my faithful peeps from bedroomjocks through my entire NYE plan into disarray...i dont wish to go into details...but my 'destination to usher in 2004' has been changed SO many times that it's goin out of style...it's quite a bummer though...on one hand i DO wana party with my friends...but on the other hand i simply love being in the limelight...and being involved in media..no matter how trivial...always gets to me...so as of this moment...ASSUMING that there are NO MORE changes...i'll be usherin in 2004 in Zouk to the tunes of Sister Bliss...then it's off to Paradise at Suntec City for some Steve Lawler madness....im wonderin if i should bring any of my Lawler album sleeves for him to sign...it'll be pretty cool to have his autograph...
I'll be leavin home around 7pm...this is the final day for my CPF contribution to be entitled to the silly Singapore shares...is it ERS? or is it ERP? or PIE? i cant remember...Singapore's the land of initials...it's just a mind bogglin array of 3-letter words that confuses not just tourists but locals alike....someone should tell the fuckin pimpin whores from PAP that all this English isnt gona help improve the standard of English here...perhaps they should change it to Mandarin or somethin...oh wait...our grasp of our 2nd language is even more appalling....
My New Year resolution for 2004? Hmm..i dont usually make one...and i dont think i'll be makin one anytime soon...but a sweet grape i am...how bout i give a shout out to everyone who's readin my blog? :) Happy New Year my friends...best wishes for 2004...
It's the last day of 2003...slightly less than 8 hours left before it dies...it's life slowly ebbing away...it's been a bittersweet year for me...i finally graduated with an Advanced Diploma...somethin that ive been tellin myself to achieve for over 4 years...2 years being spent in the fuckin Army...and another 2 to replace the crazy years i wasted in my Polytechnic days...i finally started to write for the masses...a dream of mine since i was 7...closet writin is now a thing of the past...relationships between my close friends have improved dramatically...finally ppl can begin to see me for the way i am...not the John they'd always thought would be....ive also made so many new friends that i dont even know where to start....
On the minus side...the road to employment is a long one...the relationship with my family is still strained...a messy post-relationship incident and my half hearted attempts to find someone special in my life is still...well...half hearted...
I'd managed to stay out of trouble for another year now...it's quite a feat considerin the hell-raiser i was a few years back...i dont need anyone to remind me the repurcussions of one's actions...a man has to pay the dues that he owes....im no shrinkin violet...and i'll be man enough to admit it...and im glad that im still happy...cheerful...free from hurt and harm...un-tormented...and forward lookin...
A call from my faithful peeps from bedroomjocks through my entire NYE plan into disarray...i dont wish to go into details...but my 'destination to usher in 2004' has been changed SO many times that it's goin out of style...it's quite a bummer though...on one hand i DO wana party with my friends...but on the other hand i simply love being in the limelight...and being involved in media..no matter how trivial...always gets to me...so as of this moment...ASSUMING that there are NO MORE changes...i'll be usherin in 2004 in Zouk to the tunes of Sister Bliss...then it's off to Paradise at Suntec City for some Steve Lawler madness....im wonderin if i should bring any of my Lawler album sleeves for him to sign...it'll be pretty cool to have his autograph...
I'll be leavin home around 7pm...this is the final day for my CPF contribution to be entitled to the silly Singapore shares...is it ERS? or is it ERP? or PIE? i cant remember...Singapore's the land of initials...it's just a mind bogglin array of 3-letter words that confuses not just tourists but locals alike....someone should tell the fuckin pimpin whores from PAP that all this English isnt gona help improve the standard of English here...perhaps they should change it to Mandarin or somethin...oh wait...our grasp of our 2nd language is even more appalling....
My New Year resolution for 2004? Hmm..i dont usually make one...and i dont think i'll be makin one anytime soon...but a sweet grape i am...how bout i give a shout out to everyone who's readin my blog? :) Happy New Year my friends...best wishes for 2004...
The Game - Tease, Foreplay and The Act
The doorbell rang. I could see him through the glass panes of my front door. He was standing there, shivering,a bottle of wine wrapped tucked underneath his left arm. I opened the door and let him in. He thrusted the bottle at me, leaned forward to give me a kiss which was a slightly painful bump of his cheekbone against mine.
To keep him calm, I kept my movements slow and deliberate. I took his coat and hung it on the banister. I walked over to the kitchen table and told him to sit while I went ahead and opened the wine bottle.
He sat at the table, with his arms crossed, looking around everywhere but at me. There was no expression on his face except for the tight lips. All right, I thought, perhaps a glass of wine would help loosen him up a little.
Brought the opened bottle and the glasses over to the table and sat down, crossing my legs, resting one elbow on the table. He quickly grabbed the bottle and poured for both of us, sloshing the wine only slightly.
I proceeded to show him how to play backgammon. Of course, the first game we played, he lost.
I smiled and told him that each time he lost, he would have to do something for me.
In this instance, I ordered him to unzip and pull out his cock. He stared at me for a few seconds, as if to determine if I was being serious. I stared back at him. He then fumbled to unzip and pull out his member.
We played another round. He was so flustered that he lost again. I raised an eyebrow at him and smiled. I could see his adam's apple rappeled up and then down his throat.
Pull down your pants, I told him.
This time, he didn't hesitate. In a matter of seconds, his jeans were now around his ankles. He looked at me to see if I approved. I deliberately took my time to take in the view. I didn't not smile knowing that this would make him more nervous and unsettled.
We played another round. This time I lost.
His eyes widened at the realization, unsure of what will happen now. I rested my foot, encased on a knee high boot on the edge of the chair between his knees and lightly rested it against his genitals. The black skirt I was wearing naturally slid down my raised thigh and he learns that my sheer black pantyhose reached only to the top of my thighs. His mouth fell ajar a little. He tried very hard not to be lascivious while casting furtive glances to see the rest of me. His hands moved forward to touch the leather but just before they did, I snapped my fingers and gave a warning shake of my head. He let his hands fall to his sides. But his cock was beginning to thicken and harden.
We played another round. Each time he landed on one of my men and took it out, I pressed my foot a little harder against him and let my leg that was raised lean a little to show more of myself to him. At this time, his hands were beginning to shake, he would forget what moves he just made on the board. His cock was hard as rock and standing at full attention. He poured himself another glass and quickly gulped it down without asking first if I would like mine refilled. I frowned and this time pressed my foot so hard against him that his chair slid back a little.
He looked at me in shock. I let my foot bat around his cock a little and studied his reaction. His eyes were closed, his head tilted back and his hands were tightening into frustrated fists. I snapped my fingers and ordered him to look at me. He opened his eyes quickly and stared. While our eyes were locked, I learned forward, took off my boot, brought my foot back in between his legs and began to massage him, first by sliding it under his balls and stroking then moved upwards to slide up and down his cock that was so hard it was angrily red.
I told him it was our final round. He looked at me as if he couldn't believe how I could be so unmerciful, how I could torture him like this.
I smiled and told him to roll. He did so, but so clumsily that one of the dice fell on the floor in front of my chair. I removed my foot so that he could lean forward to pick up the dice. As he did so, I pushed my chair forward so that his head would be right between my knees. He slowly raised his head up but I stopped him by tightening my thighs around his head. He froze, not sure what he would be allowed to do at this point. I placed my hand on the back of his head and pulled him closer until he was under my skirt and I could feel his breath warming me up. I let him stay like this for a minute, suspended, enjoying the control I had over him.
I ordered him to pull off my panties with his teeth and tongue.
He did so by first sliding his tongue underneath the edge of the panties wherever he could reach. Without being aware, I had let my legs open as wide as they could and inched just a little closer to him. I could feel my clit beginning to swell up, I could feel my wetness thoroughly soaking the panties and the pit of intense heat growing in my torso. Then gently, with his teeth, he gripped the top edge of my panties and began to tug. I raised my hips a little to assist him. He pulled until my panties were down around my ankles. He then grabbed my ankles, brought them tightly together and raised them up so that my view of him was blocked except for his hands that were tightly holding my ankles.
He would blow on me so that after each breath, I would feel icy cool. Just when I was beginning to shiver a little, then that is when I felt his hot wet tongue dive in with a near ferocity that nearly made me fall off my chair. I tried to bring my ankles down so that I could see him but he held firm, pinning me down with his tongue that seemed to grow ever longer and thicker to monstrous proportions.
At this point, I had no choice but to hand over control to him.
The doorbell rang. I could see him through the glass panes of my front door. He was standing there, shivering,a bottle of wine wrapped tucked underneath his left arm. I opened the door and let him in. He thrusted the bottle at me, leaned forward to give me a kiss which was a slightly painful bump of his cheekbone against mine.
To keep him calm, I kept my movements slow and deliberate. I took his coat and hung it on the banister. I walked over to the kitchen table and told him to sit while I went ahead and opened the wine bottle.
He sat at the table, with his arms crossed, looking around everywhere but at me. There was no expression on his face except for the tight lips. All right, I thought, perhaps a glass of wine would help loosen him up a little.
Brought the opened bottle and the glasses over to the table and sat down, crossing my legs, resting one elbow on the table. He quickly grabbed the bottle and poured for both of us, sloshing the wine only slightly.
I proceeded to show him how to play backgammon. Of course, the first game we played, he lost.
I smiled and told him that each time he lost, he would have to do something for me.
In this instance, I ordered him to unzip and pull out his cock. He stared at me for a few seconds, as if to determine if I was being serious. I stared back at him. He then fumbled to unzip and pull out his member.
We played another round. He was so flustered that he lost again. I raised an eyebrow at him and smiled. I could see his adam's apple rappeled up and then down his throat.
Pull down your pants, I told him.
This time, he didn't hesitate. In a matter of seconds, his jeans were now around his ankles. He looked at me to see if I approved. I deliberately took my time to take in the view. I didn't not smile knowing that this would make him more nervous and unsettled.
We played another round. This time I lost.
His eyes widened at the realization, unsure of what will happen now. I rested my foot, encased on a knee high boot on the edge of the chair between his knees and lightly rested it against his genitals. The black skirt I was wearing naturally slid down my raised thigh and he learns that my sheer black pantyhose reached only to the top of my thighs. His mouth fell ajar a little. He tried very hard not to be lascivious while casting furtive glances to see the rest of me. His hands moved forward to touch the leather but just before they did, I snapped my fingers and gave a warning shake of my head. He let his hands fall to his sides. But his cock was beginning to thicken and harden.
We played another round. Each time he landed on one of my men and took it out, I pressed my foot a little harder against him and let my leg that was raised lean a little to show more of myself to him. At this time, his hands were beginning to shake, he would forget what moves he just made on the board. His cock was hard as rock and standing at full attention. He poured himself another glass and quickly gulped it down without asking first if I would like mine refilled. I frowned and this time pressed my foot so hard against him that his chair slid back a little.
He looked at me in shock. I let my foot bat around his cock a little and studied his reaction. His eyes were closed, his head tilted back and his hands were tightening into frustrated fists. I snapped my fingers and ordered him to look at me. He opened his eyes quickly and stared. While our eyes were locked, I learned forward, took off my boot, brought my foot back in between his legs and began to massage him, first by sliding it under his balls and stroking then moved upwards to slide up and down his cock that was so hard it was angrily red.
I told him it was our final round. He looked at me as if he couldn't believe how I could be so unmerciful, how I could torture him like this.
I smiled and told him to roll. He did so, but so clumsily that one of the dice fell on the floor in front of my chair. I removed my foot so that he could lean forward to pick up the dice. As he did so, I pushed my chair forward so that his head would be right between my knees. He slowly raised his head up but I stopped him by tightening my thighs around his head. He froze, not sure what he would be allowed to do at this point. I placed my hand on the back of his head and pulled him closer until he was under my skirt and I could feel his breath warming me up. I let him stay like this for a minute, suspended, enjoying the control I had over him.
I ordered him to pull off my panties with his teeth and tongue.
He did so by first sliding his tongue underneath the edge of the panties wherever he could reach. Without being aware, I had let my legs open as wide as they could and inched just a little closer to him. I could feel my clit beginning to swell up, I could feel my wetness thoroughly soaking the panties and the pit of intense heat growing in my torso. Then gently, with his teeth, he gripped the top edge of my panties and began to tug. I raised my hips a little to assist him. He pulled until my panties were down around my ankles. He then grabbed my ankles, brought them tightly together and raised them up so that my view of him was blocked except for his hands that were tightly holding my ankles.
He would blow on me so that after each breath, I would feel icy cool. Just when I was beginning to shiver a little, then that is when I felt his hot wet tongue dive in with a near ferocity that nearly made me fall off my chair. I tried to bring my ankles down so that I could see him but he held firm, pinning me down with his tongue that seemed to grow ever longer and thicker to monstrous proportions.
At this point, I had no choice but to hand over control to him.
Tuesday, December 30
The Game - The Plan
He's coming tonight with a bottle of red wine in tow, held in his nervous hand.
Languishly, I pull out the backgammon game in preparation. I set up the black and white pieces in position. Each smoothly rounded little piece enticing plays a predesignated role. Each time one is taken off the board, is each time I subject my opponent to strip away another layer of his shyness, is each time I undo another button, each time I place my leather-clad foot ever so much closer to his leg, each time I make a move to distract him by using every ploy I know to build up sexual suspense.
I will also ready my home for this upcoming game. Each candle thoughtfully placed and lit in a deliberated location. One by the backgammon board, one on the counter in the kitchen next to the wine bottle. One in the bedroom that adjoins the livingroom, door left casually ajar, one in the livingroom atop the upright piano, and one waiting to be lit in the bathroom accompanied by a wooden match.
Two wine glasses will be polished to a crystal sparkle that will reflect the flickering candle flame, a pack of smokes will be left half opened on the table where we'll play. Patsy Cline's voice waits in the cd player waiting to be heard, and a pair of sheer black pantyhose will be tossed on my thickly duveted bed.
When he arrives tonight, the first thing he will notice is the steam still evaporating from the bathroom, the smells of soap, lotion, shampoo floating along with it. He will know that I've taken the time to prepare myself, my body for him.
A bottle of perfume will rest on my italian art deco dresser, although firmly closed, he will detect its scent that I've, with my fingers, transferred onto my skin, at the base of my neck, on the jutting bone of my hip, on the insides of my elbows.
He will then, guided by the path of my candles, see the pieces readied into position on the backgammon board, the wine bottle opener resting beside it and realize the game has just begun.
He's coming tonight with a bottle of red wine in tow, held in his nervous hand.
Languishly, I pull out the backgammon game in preparation. I set up the black and white pieces in position. Each smoothly rounded little piece enticing plays a predesignated role. Each time one is taken off the board, is each time I subject my opponent to strip away another layer of his shyness, is each time I undo another button, each time I place my leather-clad foot ever so much closer to his leg, each time I make a move to distract him by using every ploy I know to build up sexual suspense.
I will also ready my home for this upcoming game. Each candle thoughtfully placed and lit in a deliberated location. One by the backgammon board, one on the counter in the kitchen next to the wine bottle. One in the bedroom that adjoins the livingroom, door left casually ajar, one in the livingroom atop the upright piano, and one waiting to be lit in the bathroom accompanied by a wooden match.
Two wine glasses will be polished to a crystal sparkle that will reflect the flickering candle flame, a pack of smokes will be left half opened on the table where we'll play. Patsy Cline's voice waits in the cd player waiting to be heard, and a pair of sheer black pantyhose will be tossed on my thickly duveted bed.
When he arrives tonight, the first thing he will notice is the steam still evaporating from the bathroom, the smells of soap, lotion, shampoo floating along with it. He will know that I've taken the time to prepare myself, my body for him.
A bottle of perfume will rest on my italian art deco dresser, although firmly closed, he will detect its scent that I've, with my fingers, transferred onto my skin, at the base of my neck, on the jutting bone of my hip, on the insides of my elbows.
He will then, guided by the path of my candles, see the pieces readied into position on the backgammon board, the wine bottle opener resting beside it and realize the game has just begun.
Singlehood
I havnt had a serious relationship for over a year now. Sometimes...just sometimes...the primate in me yearns for a regular fuck buddy for some good ol sex. The rubbin of skin...the exchange of body fluids...the swoshing of your penis in her mouth...the gentle slappin sound of u thrustin her...the beads of sweat...and the finger nail marks she leaves on your back...all with a woman who has promised consensual sex..with no strings attached...no messy aftermaths...and no heartaches...a sleazy sex ride with no atonement...the only justification? The need for more sex...and all but a phonecall away....
Walkin along the streets when ya all single and lonely can bring u heartburn sometimes...im like..."Do i really fuckin need to see another fuckin couple rentin that lamppost for their idea of discreet cover while makin out in full fuckin view? Do they not realise that their actions only serve no purpose but to further remind ME that im still fastidiously single???"
I once saw a couple doin the sexiest thing ever in Borders. Any discerning book/magazine connoiseur would always make a weekly trip to Borders...me being no exception...and before u start lettin your ideas hoppin wild...it's nothin naughty...no strippin of clothes or hands in the pants of that sort...the guy was standin straight up...his hands holdin up some magazine...his eyes deeply intent on absorbin every single detail in that publication...and his girlfriend...standin behind him....wrappin her arms around him....her face against his back...her eyes closed...with a contented smile...ISNT THAT THE SEXIEST THING EVER??? I mean...what else would a man want??? A magazine that catches his attention...all comfortable in an airconditioned BOOKSHOP...and his other half entwinin her limbs of love around u....the guy is all secure...happy...content...free of worries....the stuff dreams are made of...
Now the guy wasnt THAT good lookin...neither was the girl GORGEOUS by a long shot...but for once...just for that very moment...i felt i had invaded on their privacy....that moment of happiness both of them exuded...each one locked in their own thoughts...i wished i had my camera with me then....a black and white shot would be simply classic...
This isnt a public cry for love...it isnt an advertisement for the need to be wanted...it defintely isnt me tryin to do one of my many insane acts just to be noticed....sometimes...whne u've been alone for so long...u do question the need for isolation...the millions of people who're still unmarried...the gallons of tears those lonely hearts stain their pillows with....and the envious looks one passes at a happy couple....the disadvantages just dont add up....being single is the doldrums....findin the one u love and being appreciated...a feelin like that...no money can buy...
Me? Yes...im still lookin for a special someone....
I havnt had a serious relationship for over a year now. Sometimes...just sometimes...the primate in me yearns for a regular fuck buddy for some good ol sex. The rubbin of skin...the exchange of body fluids...the swoshing of your penis in her mouth...the gentle slappin sound of u thrustin her...the beads of sweat...and the finger nail marks she leaves on your back...all with a woman who has promised consensual sex..with no strings attached...no messy aftermaths...and no heartaches...a sleazy sex ride with no atonement...the only justification? The need for more sex...and all but a phonecall away....
Walkin along the streets when ya all single and lonely can bring u heartburn sometimes...im like..."Do i really fuckin need to see another fuckin couple rentin that lamppost for their idea of discreet cover while makin out in full fuckin view? Do they not realise that their actions only serve no purpose but to further remind ME that im still fastidiously single???"
I once saw a couple doin the sexiest thing ever in Borders. Any discerning book/magazine connoiseur would always make a weekly trip to Borders...me being no exception...and before u start lettin your ideas hoppin wild...it's nothin naughty...no strippin of clothes or hands in the pants of that sort...the guy was standin straight up...his hands holdin up some magazine...his eyes deeply intent on absorbin every single detail in that publication...and his girlfriend...standin behind him....wrappin her arms around him....her face against his back...her eyes closed...with a contented smile...ISNT THAT THE SEXIEST THING EVER??? I mean...what else would a man want??? A magazine that catches his attention...all comfortable in an airconditioned BOOKSHOP...and his other half entwinin her limbs of love around u....the guy is all secure...happy...content...free of worries....the stuff dreams are made of...
Now the guy wasnt THAT good lookin...neither was the girl GORGEOUS by a long shot...but for once...just for that very moment...i felt i had invaded on their privacy....that moment of happiness both of them exuded...each one locked in their own thoughts...i wished i had my camera with me then....a black and white shot would be simply classic...
This isnt a public cry for love...it isnt an advertisement for the need to be wanted...it defintely isnt me tryin to do one of my many insane acts just to be noticed....sometimes...whne u've been alone for so long...u do question the need for isolation...the millions of people who're still unmarried...the gallons of tears those lonely hearts stain their pillows with....and the envious looks one passes at a happy couple....the disadvantages just dont add up....being single is the doldrums....findin the one u love and being appreciated...a feelin like that...no money can buy...
Me? Yes...im still lookin for a special someone....
Sunday, December 28
Return of the King vs Harry Potter vs Matrix vs Where's Waldo vs Star Wars vs LOL hilarious..
The avid forum reader in me found this gem of a read...it pays off to just prowl the web and its numerous forums...absolutely hilarious...go ahead and LOL and LMFAO...
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Things NOT to do while watching Return of the King
1. Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly, "Wait... where the hell is Harry Potter?"
2. Block the entrance to the theater while screaming: "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" - After the movie, say "Lucas could have done it better."
3. Play a drinking game where you have to take a sip every time someone says: "The Ring."
4. Point and laugh whenever someone dies.
5. Ask everyone around you if they think Gandalf went to Hogwarts.
6. Finish off every one of Elrond's lines with "Mr. Anderson."
7. When Aragorn is crowned king, stand up and at the top of your lungs sing, "And I did it.... MY way...!"
8. Talk like Gollum all through the movie. At the end, bite off someone's finger and fall down the stairs.
9. Dress up as old ladies and reenact "The Battle of Helms Deep" Monty Python style.
10. When Denethor lights the fire, shout "Barbecue!"
11. In TTT when the Ents decide to march to war, stand up and shout "RUN FOREST, RUN!"
12. Every time someone kills an Orc, yell: "That's what I'm Tolkien about!" See how long it takes before you get kicked out of the theatre.
13. During a wide shot of a battle, inquire, "Where's Waldo?"
14. Talk loudly about how you heard that there is a single frame of a nude Elf hidden somewhere in the movie.
15. Start an Orc sing-a-long.
16. Come to the premiere dressed as Frankenfurter and wander around looking terribly confused.
17. When they go in the paths of the dead, wait for tense moment and shout, "I see dead people!"
18. Imitate what you think a conversation between Gollum, Dobby and Yoda would be like.
19. Release a jar of daddy-long-legs into the theater during the Shelob scene.
20. Wonder out loud if Aragorn is going to run for governor of
California.
21. When Shelob comes on, exclaim, "Man! Charlotte's really let herself go!"
The avid forum reader in me found this gem of a read...it pays off to just prowl the web and its numerous forums...absolutely hilarious...go ahead and LOL and LMFAO...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Things NOT to do while watching Return of the King
1. Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly, "Wait... where the hell is Harry Potter?"
2. Block the entrance to the theater while screaming: "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" - After the movie, say "Lucas could have done it better."
3. Play a drinking game where you have to take a sip every time someone says: "The Ring."
4. Point and laugh whenever someone dies.
5. Ask everyone around you if they think Gandalf went to Hogwarts.
6. Finish off every one of Elrond's lines with "Mr. Anderson."
7. When Aragorn is crowned king, stand up and at the top of your lungs sing, "And I did it.... MY way...!"
8. Talk like Gollum all through the movie. At the end, bite off someone's finger and fall down the stairs.
9. Dress up as old ladies and reenact "The Battle of Helms Deep" Monty Python style.
10. When Denethor lights the fire, shout "Barbecue!"
11. In TTT when the Ents decide to march to war, stand up and shout "RUN FOREST, RUN!"
12. Every time someone kills an Orc, yell: "That's what I'm Tolkien about!" See how long it takes before you get kicked out of the theatre.
13. During a wide shot of a battle, inquire, "Where's Waldo?"
14. Talk loudly about how you heard that there is a single frame of a nude Elf hidden somewhere in the movie.
15. Start an Orc sing-a-long.
16. Come to the premiere dressed as Frankenfurter and wander around looking terribly confused.
17. When they go in the paths of the dead, wait for tense moment and shout, "I see dead people!"
18. Imitate what you think a conversation between Gollum, Dobby and Yoda would be like.
19. Release a jar of daddy-long-legs into the theater during the Shelob scene.
20. Wonder out loud if Aragorn is going to run for governor of
California.
21. When Shelob comes on, exclaim, "Man! Charlotte's really let herself go!"
Nasal hair
I spent the greater part of my afternoon washin up tryin to remove this unsightly nasal hair that has grown out of my left nostril...yes cringe-worthy and disguestin as it is...i've always made the effort to remove any hair that ehm...seems to appear at the weirdest of places...
It's hard being a man sometimes...no im not talkin bout the responsibility and the patriachal and the need to provide and the ego crap...im talkin bout the need to look good in front of people...for most men...lookin good means a quick shower...some drabby clothes with neat lines...a pair of 2 weeks old socks and a pair of shoe that fits ALL his occasions...and yes dont start lookin around...YOU know ya one of them...:)
It's harder when ya out meetin some beautiful damsels...sometimes the shabby outfit can be appealin to the lady...but many forget to take a good look at their countenance...a quick shower emcompasses a random splashin of water...quick rub over with body soap/gel...and maybe a shampoo if time permits...but take a look around at most men....and no i mean a CLOSE look...and an embarassment of riches begins to show...it reveals the REAL care most men put themselves to FACIAL care...which..suffice to say...is strangely lackin...surely we men cant be slouches when it comes to pamperin our faces??
Earlier this year i had set off to my evenin class...only to discover...to my chagrin...that i had forgotten to shave...and to compound matters...i realised that i havnt snipped off this ANNOYIN nasal hair that ive been busy makin friends with every 1 month...i snip it off whenever it begins to show...it's FUCKIN annoyin to have facial hair...let alone nasal hair THAT shows...i couldnt affod to miss that evenin's class...so i did the metrosexual thing...walked to the Body Shop with a tissue stuck up THAT nostril (citing a runny nose...now i know that isnt a cool thing to do...but it beats a VISIBLE NASAL HAIR ANY DAMN DAY)...and bought myself a cuticle scissors...i paid $7 (?) (!) and off came the unsightly hair in a public toilet...
Actually...a cuticle scissors is AN EXCELLENT pair of scissors for those unsightly and hard to reach hair...it's slightly bent at the tip...makin it an excellent companion for those hard to reach days...now stop askin me why i bought a pair of cuticle scissors...
Speakin of hair...ive been tryin to grow a goatie for awhile...it's kinda hard...u know..me being Chinese...the lack of facial hair...and it's desire to make up for it by appearin in weird places lol....yeah im actually kinda proud of it...some goatie i have...it's been almost 2 weeks since i shaved my chin...most non chinese blokes need only 2 days to achieve the length i have...
And did i mention my Mom has this EXTREMELY annoyin nasal hair that sticks out like a sore thumb? It's been there for years..ive been the polite son and decided not to highlight it to her...so she goes about her normal everyday motherly duties without a care in the world...bringin her 'friend' to places no man has been before...and the times she dressed up to the nines for weddings and parties...with that nasal hair stickin out..................................i rest my case......ladies and gentlemen i present to you...my heartlander Mom....jesus...God bless her soul...and her 'friend'...
I spent the greater part of my afternoon washin up tryin to remove this unsightly nasal hair that has grown out of my left nostril...yes cringe-worthy and disguestin as it is...i've always made the effort to remove any hair that ehm...seems to appear at the weirdest of places...
It's hard being a man sometimes...no im not talkin bout the responsibility and the patriachal and the need to provide and the ego crap...im talkin bout the need to look good in front of people...for most men...lookin good means a quick shower...some drabby clothes with neat lines...a pair of 2 weeks old socks and a pair of shoe that fits ALL his occasions...and yes dont start lookin around...YOU know ya one of them...:)
It's harder when ya out meetin some beautiful damsels...sometimes the shabby outfit can be appealin to the lady...but many forget to take a good look at their countenance...a quick shower emcompasses a random splashin of water...quick rub over with body soap/gel...and maybe a shampoo if time permits...but take a look around at most men....and no i mean a CLOSE look...and an embarassment of riches begins to show...it reveals the REAL care most men put themselves to FACIAL care...which..suffice to say...is strangely lackin...surely we men cant be slouches when it comes to pamperin our faces??
Earlier this year i had set off to my evenin class...only to discover...to my chagrin...that i had forgotten to shave...and to compound matters...i realised that i havnt snipped off this ANNOYIN nasal hair that ive been busy makin friends with every 1 month...i snip it off whenever it begins to show...it's FUCKIN annoyin to have facial hair...let alone nasal hair THAT shows...i couldnt affod to miss that evenin's class...so i did the metrosexual thing...walked to the Body Shop with a tissue stuck up THAT nostril (citing a runny nose...now i know that isnt a cool thing to do...but it beats a VISIBLE NASAL HAIR ANY DAMN DAY)...and bought myself a cuticle scissors...i paid $7 (?) (!) and off came the unsightly hair in a public toilet...
Actually...a cuticle scissors is AN EXCELLENT pair of scissors for those unsightly and hard to reach hair...it's slightly bent at the tip...makin it an excellent companion for those hard to reach days...now stop askin me why i bought a pair of cuticle scissors...
Speakin of hair...ive been tryin to grow a goatie for awhile...it's kinda hard...u know..me being Chinese...the lack of facial hair...and it's desire to make up for it by appearin in weird places lol....yeah im actually kinda proud of it...some goatie i have...it's been almost 2 weeks since i shaved my chin...most non chinese blokes need only 2 days to achieve the length i have...
And did i mention my Mom has this EXTREMELY annoyin nasal hair that sticks out like a sore thumb? It's been there for years..ive been the polite son and decided not to highlight it to her...so she goes about her normal everyday motherly duties without a care in the world...bringin her 'friend' to places no man has been before...and the times she dressed up to the nines for weddings and parties...with that nasal hair stickin out..................................i rest my case......ladies and gentlemen i present to you...my heartlander Mom....jesus...God bless her soul...and her 'friend'...
Saturday, December 27
Leeds United and More Singaporeans Who Speak English...or the lack of it...
I spent the entire evenin hoggin the TV...it's Boxing Day...and i was adamant on stayin home as there was a crowded English Premier League schedule...had my eyes glued to the TV for 2 games...before i nodded off for bout 15 minutes in front of the TV....
Leeds drew with Aston Villa....we dont win many games...but at least we dont lose many now...Leeds still has the worst defensive record in the league...im pretty concerned at their financial status...and though im just a fan half the world away...i do wish that the rabid and fanatical Leeds in me could do somethin...
My love affair with Leeds began 11 years ago...in 1992 Leeds won the old English Division 1 title by pippin the auld enemy Manchester United...i dont remember much bout that season...soccer didnt have exclusive tv rights to be aired in so many countries nor did Singapore buy the rights to show that many games...at that time i didnt play the game enough to understand it...but i knew enough bout sports..and soccer in general...to watch Leeds....the team was phenomenal that year...we had the strongest midfield in the whole of England...David Batty..the old warhorse who still plays for Leeds...Gary 'He had no right to score from there' McAllister...one of Leeds' few world class players in that time..Gary Speed...a Leeds' fan who plies his trade in Newcastle now...and Gordan Strachan...the saliva spewin Scot...it was such an endearin sight to watch an unfashionable team who last won the title in the 70s to win the league...i think i kinda lost my soccer 'virginity' to them since then...
Over the years ive always been slightly hesistant in wearin a Leeds jersey...not till in recent years has Leeds been a non has-been...i remember how the boys used to give me stick bout how i supported such a non illustrious club...soccer fans in Singapore are a predictable lot...it's always the Scumchester United...the Arsenals and the Liverpools...i sneer at the morons who tell everyone that they've been a XXXXXX team fan for 30+ years when they dont even look a year pass 21....most Singapore fans tend to jump ship and join the bandwagon...that means they support the club that has won the league previously...or is the most well known...they put shame and embarass the genuine fans who stick with the club through thick and thin...
I do have many friends who fall into that category...i like to give them an invisible middle finger whenever they spite my Leeds..."Leeds? Haha they suck man.."..that's what i used to hear back in the mid 90s....when Newcastle visited Singapore as part of their South East Asia tour i wore my Leeds jersey proudly to the Singapore Stadium...i still remember the sneers and the raised eyebrow when ignorant and bad-English speakin Singaporeans saw me..."Wah...Leeds"....im like...."STFU stupid Singaporean...go take some English classes...and find out what ugly means...coz that's what u are..."
I havnt heard any spiteful words directed at Leeds these few years...in the late 90s Irishman David O'Leary took over the club he transformed Leeds into an attractive outfit..he believed in the magic of youths...multiply that with the experienced senior players Leeds began to make people sit up...around the same period Singapore bought the rights to show live matches...and Singapore has this tendency to show games involvin the 'same old same old'....i remember those days when i literally had to kiss a man just to watch a live Leeds game...yes...that's how often they show a Leeds game...Leeds finished in the top 5 for 3 consecutive years before qualifyin for the Champions League...in their first foray into the European competition they literally youthful exuberancED their way into the semi-finals...i still remember some of the games...simply CLASSIC...Leeds 6-0 hammering of Besiktas...and the 4-1 thrashing of Anderlecht.....who could forget?? The unpolished skills of Smith and Kewell and Bowyer....those moments are etched in my mind forever...
Im proud to be a Leeds fan...these days i see many Singaporeans wearin the Leeds jersey out in the streets...i wonder to myself.."When did u become a Leeds fan? If it's recent U CAN SUCK MY DICK FAKE LEEDS FAN"....but i do feel compelled to smile...until 2001 ive NEVER seen anyone else wore a Leeds jersey but me...it warms my heart to know how Leeds have attracted some bad English-speakin Singaporeans...my parents know of much staunch allegiance to the club....one of things listed in my '50 Things I Wana Do Before I Die" is...u guessed it...watchin a live game in Elland Road...watchin my beloved Leeds takin on whoever...
But until then...i just have to be contented to watch Leeds on a TV...
Leeds United forever....
I spent the entire evenin hoggin the TV...it's Boxing Day...and i was adamant on stayin home as there was a crowded English Premier League schedule...had my eyes glued to the TV for 2 games...before i nodded off for bout 15 minutes in front of the TV....
Leeds drew with Aston Villa....we dont win many games...but at least we dont lose many now...Leeds still has the worst defensive record in the league...im pretty concerned at their financial status...and though im just a fan half the world away...i do wish that the rabid and fanatical Leeds in me could do somethin...
My love affair with Leeds began 11 years ago...in 1992 Leeds won the old English Division 1 title by pippin the auld enemy Manchester United...i dont remember much bout that season...soccer didnt have exclusive tv rights to be aired in so many countries nor did Singapore buy the rights to show that many games...at that time i didnt play the game enough to understand it...but i knew enough bout sports..and soccer in general...to watch Leeds....the team was phenomenal that year...we had the strongest midfield in the whole of England...David Batty..the old warhorse who still plays for Leeds...Gary 'He had no right to score from there' McAllister...one of Leeds' few world class players in that time..Gary Speed...a Leeds' fan who plies his trade in Newcastle now...and Gordan Strachan...the saliva spewin Scot...it was such an endearin sight to watch an unfashionable team who last won the title in the 70s to win the league...i think i kinda lost my soccer 'virginity' to them since then...
Over the years ive always been slightly hesistant in wearin a Leeds jersey...not till in recent years has Leeds been a non has-been...i remember how the boys used to give me stick bout how i supported such a non illustrious club...soccer fans in Singapore are a predictable lot...it's always the Scumchester United...the Arsenals and the Liverpools...i sneer at the morons who tell everyone that they've been a XXXXXX team fan for 30+ years when they dont even look a year pass 21....most Singapore fans tend to jump ship and join the bandwagon...that means they support the club that has won the league previously...or is the most well known...they put shame and embarass the genuine fans who stick with the club through thick and thin...
I do have many friends who fall into that category...i like to give them an invisible middle finger whenever they spite my Leeds..."Leeds? Haha they suck man.."..that's what i used to hear back in the mid 90s....when Newcastle visited Singapore as part of their South East Asia tour i wore my Leeds jersey proudly to the Singapore Stadium...i still remember the sneers and the raised eyebrow when ignorant and bad-English speakin Singaporeans saw me..."Wah...Leeds"....im like...."STFU stupid Singaporean...go take some English classes...and find out what ugly means...coz that's what u are..."
I havnt heard any spiteful words directed at Leeds these few years...in the late 90s Irishman David O'Leary took over the club he transformed Leeds into an attractive outfit..he believed in the magic of youths...multiply that with the experienced senior players Leeds began to make people sit up...around the same period Singapore bought the rights to show live matches...and Singapore has this tendency to show games involvin the 'same old same old'....i remember those days when i literally had to kiss a man just to watch a live Leeds game...yes...that's how often they show a Leeds game...Leeds finished in the top 5 for 3 consecutive years before qualifyin for the Champions League...in their first foray into the European competition they literally youthful exuberancED their way into the semi-finals...i still remember some of the games...simply CLASSIC...Leeds 6-0 hammering of Besiktas...and the 4-1 thrashing of Anderlecht.....who could forget?? The unpolished skills of Smith and Kewell and Bowyer....those moments are etched in my mind forever...
Im proud to be a Leeds fan...these days i see many Singaporeans wearin the Leeds jersey out in the streets...i wonder to myself.."When did u become a Leeds fan? If it's recent U CAN SUCK MY DICK FAKE LEEDS FAN"....but i do feel compelled to smile...until 2001 ive NEVER seen anyone else wore a Leeds jersey but me...it warms my heart to know how Leeds have attracted some bad English-speakin Singaporeans...my parents know of much staunch allegiance to the club....one of things listed in my '50 Things I Wana Do Before I Die" is...u guessed it...watchin a live game in Elland Road...watchin my beloved Leeds takin on whoever...
But until then...i just have to be contented to watch Leeds on a TV...
Leeds United forever....
Wednesday, December 24
CURIOSER & CURIOSER: WARCRAFT 3
A couple of weeks back...the cat in me decided to snoop around on my alter ego....i went on to google and typed in 'adrock2xander' and punched the Enter button to find out what kind of search results my other moniker would generate...
Voila! Im surprised how google even managed to conjur up 4 links..or was it 3?..for adrock2xander...i mean...it's just plain old me...how da hell do i even have 4 search results? Hehe...i guessed i must have cheated abit coz my blogspot website was on of the results listed...the other results are links to my Warcraft 3 profile on the Battle.net realm...
Ahhh yes..Warcraft 3....ive spent a better part of the last 1.5 years doodlin around on this game....upon clearin leave last year i had made the midnight trip to Funan Center with Ken to purchase the most anticipated game from Blizzard since Starcraft...ive heard a gazillion things bout Battle.net for a few years then....but ive never ventured into the online gamin realm since 1) my computer then sucks ass....and 2) Army and gettin myself out of trouble took too much out of my time....
After completin the campaigns i took a leap of faith and finally found myself in Battle.net...muckin around with Random Team (RT) games for a good part of 4 months got me familarised with the online gamin world, their lingo and the styles. I play on the USWest realm..one of 4 realms on Blizzard's Battle.net realm..the others being USEast..Europe and Asia...i suppose u may ask why am i not playin in Asia...but i tell ya it isnt cool to spend most of your energy tryin to understand what most of the Asians are tryin to say...most of them being Koreans...grrr...
Late last year i was lucky enough to be teamed up with a really good player on RT..after the game (which we won :O) i went lookin for him....MessyXtrema (that's his name) was actually cordial enough to entertain me....i mean take a look at it this way...back then...this bloke's goin places...he was ranked on the ladders...and i was some random bored boy who was just lookin for ways to improve his game...i asked if i could play a few games with him....and he must have being smokin somethin back then coz he agreed...we formed an Arranged Team (AT)...and decided to hit the ladders...
A few games turned into several weeks weeks of games...which turned into months of games...durin this time we spend each other tryin to understand each other's playin...build order...movement and troop deployment...communication was essential...in the early days i found myself out of MessyXtrema's league...we actually took the trouble of takin time off and sparred with each other...the hours MessyXtrema spent trainin my Night Elf (the other races being Human, Ord and Undead) play...i gota take my hats of him...
We've become friends then...MessyXtrema's an 18-yo Chinese called Jesse Chu livin in San Francisco...we talk bout life...how cruel life can be and swop stories of our cities while waitin for games...we may be different people and livin in a different city...but our problems arent that much different....grades....girlfriends...parents...growin up...u know...teen angst and young adults arent that much different...
Through Jesse ive met many of his college and varsity mates who spend their after-school hours playin Warcraft too...and through them ive made friends with ppl from Canada and Europe...it's pretty much an online community in Battle.net...friends and acquaintances log on just to say hi to each other...and for some serious or casual gaming...
Jesse and i reached a high of Level 17 #60 in 2v2 AT on USWest...that was my crownin moment...i tell ya it ISNT easy to reach that high a level or rank...in a realm where hundreds of thousands play the game....to be in the top 100 of the 2v2 ladder was a commendable achievement considerin how inexperienced i am...along the way ive beaten professional gamers...yes...they actually earn money out of gamin...lucky blokes...and many famous gamers in the online community...a couple of my replays have been posted on Warcraft3 websites too.. :)
Along with Jesse...and some of his college friends...ive formed other teams in 3v3 AT and 4v4 AT...we're ranked all across the boards....some in the higher echelons...some lower....when Blizzard released their Warcraft 3 expansion set The Frozen Throne in July 1st this year i was one of the thousands of crazy Warcraft junkies who eagerly bought the game....anxious to try their hands out on new characters and battle systems...
Im currently ranked in 4 different ladders...2v2..3v3..4v4 and Free-For-All (FFA)...it's somethin that im very proud of....the rankings dont fluctuate that much...i dont spend that much time on Warcraft now..spendin 19 hours a day for months straight on Warcraft 3 seem like a distant memory...once every while i would log on adrock2xander to spar around...it's great to meet up with 'old' friends whom u've never met...
I hope to see some of you on Warcraft 3 one of these days...
A couple of weeks back...the cat in me decided to snoop around on my alter ego....i went on to google and typed in 'adrock2xander' and punched the Enter button to find out what kind of search results my other moniker would generate...
Voila! Im surprised how google even managed to conjur up 4 links..or was it 3?..for adrock2xander...i mean...it's just plain old me...how da hell do i even have 4 search results? Hehe...i guessed i must have cheated abit coz my blogspot website was on of the results listed...the other results are links to my Warcraft 3 profile on the Battle.net realm...
Ahhh yes..Warcraft 3....ive spent a better part of the last 1.5 years doodlin around on this game....upon clearin leave last year i had made the midnight trip to Funan Center with Ken to purchase the most anticipated game from Blizzard since Starcraft...ive heard a gazillion things bout Battle.net for a few years then....but ive never ventured into the online gamin realm since 1) my computer then sucks ass....and 2) Army and gettin myself out of trouble took too much out of my time....
After completin the campaigns i took a leap of faith and finally found myself in Battle.net...muckin around with Random Team (RT) games for a good part of 4 months got me familarised with the online gamin world, their lingo and the styles. I play on the USWest realm..one of 4 realms on Blizzard's Battle.net realm..the others being USEast..Europe and Asia...i suppose u may ask why am i not playin in Asia...but i tell ya it isnt cool to spend most of your energy tryin to understand what most of the Asians are tryin to say...most of them being Koreans...grrr...
Late last year i was lucky enough to be teamed up with a really good player on RT..after the game (which we won :O) i went lookin for him....MessyXtrema (that's his name) was actually cordial enough to entertain me....i mean take a look at it this way...back then...this bloke's goin places...he was ranked on the ladders...and i was some random bored boy who was just lookin for ways to improve his game...i asked if i could play a few games with him....and he must have being smokin somethin back then coz he agreed...we formed an Arranged Team (AT)...and decided to hit the ladders...
A few games turned into several weeks weeks of games...which turned into months of games...durin this time we spend each other tryin to understand each other's playin...build order...movement and troop deployment...communication was essential...in the early days i found myself out of MessyXtrema's league...we actually took the trouble of takin time off and sparred with each other...the hours MessyXtrema spent trainin my Night Elf (the other races being Human, Ord and Undead) play...i gota take my hats of him...
We've become friends then...MessyXtrema's an 18-yo Chinese called Jesse Chu livin in San Francisco...we talk bout life...how cruel life can be and swop stories of our cities while waitin for games...we may be different people and livin in a different city...but our problems arent that much different....grades....girlfriends...parents...growin up...u know...teen angst and young adults arent that much different...
Through Jesse ive met many of his college and varsity mates who spend their after-school hours playin Warcraft too...and through them ive made friends with ppl from Canada and Europe...it's pretty much an online community in Battle.net...friends and acquaintances log on just to say hi to each other...and for some serious or casual gaming...
Jesse and i reached a high of Level 17 #60 in 2v2 AT on USWest...that was my crownin moment...i tell ya it ISNT easy to reach that high a level or rank...in a realm where hundreds of thousands play the game....to be in the top 100 of the 2v2 ladder was a commendable achievement considerin how inexperienced i am...along the way ive beaten professional gamers...yes...they actually earn money out of gamin...lucky blokes...and many famous gamers in the online community...a couple of my replays have been posted on Warcraft3 websites too.. :)
Along with Jesse...and some of his college friends...ive formed other teams in 3v3 AT and 4v4 AT...we're ranked all across the boards....some in the higher echelons...some lower....when Blizzard released their Warcraft 3 expansion set The Frozen Throne in July 1st this year i was one of the thousands of crazy Warcraft junkies who eagerly bought the game....anxious to try their hands out on new characters and battle systems...
Im currently ranked in 4 different ladders...2v2..3v3..4v4 and Free-For-All (FFA)...it's somethin that im very proud of....the rankings dont fluctuate that much...i dont spend that much time on Warcraft now..spendin 19 hours a day for months straight on Warcraft 3 seem like a distant memory...once every while i would log on adrock2xander to spar around...it's great to meet up with 'old' friends whom u've never met...
I hope to see some of you on Warcraft 3 one of these days...
Tuesday, December 23
UK The Time and Friendster
A good buddy of mine who's now based in London (God bless u Dina...u know i love u :O ) sent me this column from one of the leadin papers in UK, The Times. I thought i should share it with everyone coz it's absolutely the most HILARIOUS column ive read in a long while. I had to pick up all the bits of food that fell out of my mouth when i first read it. Ive watched the first season of Six Feet Under on DVD...and i must say that it's simply brillliant...and in case ya wonderin why the protaganist used was Kevin Bacon....think "Six Degrees of ........." (lol)...A month down the road it's still as funny as ever....columns like these are destined for stardom....simply classic....:)
Surely Kevin Bacon must be among my 192,867 close personal friends
By Caitlin Moran (The Times – Thursday 30 October 2003)
I have 192,867 people in my personal network of friends, as calculated by Friendster.com. Or, to calibrate those figures another way, I have frittered away nine whole working days since August on another silly website that has not improved my life, my soul or my brain a single ounce but has instead led to hours of fretting that 192,867 close, personal friends are not enough, and to wonder if, technically, the lead singer of Travis would count as a friend because when I interviewed him he tried to kill a bee in front of me, which proved to be an unexpected intimate act.
Friendster is the new internet craze: it now has 1.5million users and is apparently expanding at a
rate of 20% per month. It is the online version of 11-year-olds with broken arms getting lassmates to sign their plaster. You register with Friendster and get a page of your own, where
you lie to impress about your favourite books, TV shows, music, etc.
For instance, I have pretended that Six Feet Under is my favourite TV programme, when in reality I just spend all day watching documentaries of difficult births on Home & Leisure. You then emailyour friends about your page and encourage them to contribute testimonials explaining howgreat you are. Your friends then subsequently tend, excited by the obvious and potentially endless time-wasting possibilities, to sign up and get a page of their own, in order to gain reciprocal testimonials of greatness. Before you know it, everyone you have ever met is demanding that you tell the world how wonderful they are.
Poor Jonathan Abrams. I should imagine that when he came up with the idea of Friendster, he
envisioned that the testimonials would be along the lines of: “Karen has inspired my two children
to stop their part-time drugs muling and get a basketball scholarship. Nothing is too much
trouble for a friend.”
As examples of how quickly a noble idea can be ruined with a quick influx of the wrong clientele, however, testimonials from the assorted pages of my acquaintances include: “Greg is a wonderful person to chaperone on a date. Especially when he tells the prospective life partner that you once paid for a male prostitute.” “Paul is the first person I call ifI have a problem. Actually, no, he’s the fourth or fifth, BUT he IS the first person I call if someone else has aproblem. There’s nothing we like more than laughing at another’s misfortune. Especially if they’re fat or of indeterminate origin.” And “To meet Sarah is to able to sleep with her almost immediately.”
Of course there is nothing new about prompting your friends to tell you how great you are. The
Victorians went through an almost identical fad, but their testimonials used to be collected in
ornate autograph books. Friendster, in the spirit of progress, does it on a page with pop-up
adverts for personalised hooded sweatshirts. In a similar vein of progress, Friendster offers
almost unending networking potential. I can access my friend’s pages, obviously, but also my
friend’s friends’ and my friend’s friends’ friends’, and so on unto my personal network of
192,867, all of whom I could theoretically tap for work and/or sex. And while 51 of the 192,867
are Thai prostitutes from the same brothel, all of whom signed up to make “Western friends”, and whom I desire neither work nor sex from, populist statistical lore has it that at least one of the other 192,867 must be Kevin Bacon, whom I do.
Of course the ability to discover if you are connected to someone famous, however remotely, is
what leads to Phrase Two of Frienster addiction: staying up late one night typing “David
Bowie”, “Stephen Hawking”, and “One of the Rothschilds” into the Search Users facility and
hoping that they are practically family. Sadly typing “David Bowie” and discovering that there
are ten “David Bowies”, one of whom has two David Bowies as his friends, and has put under the entry for Favourite Book, “No need to read: I’m David Bowie”, is the first stage of being cured
of Friendster addiction.
My friend Charlie rang me up hugely excited that he was connected to Donatella Versace, Niel
Tennant from the Pet Shop Boys and Grace Jones. “We’re only 11 people away!” he squealed. “Shall I get Neil to DJ at my party?”It was left to me to point out that Grace’s picture was a publicity still from the 1986 film ‘A View To Kill’, Donatella Versace had a testimonial from Zsa Zsa Gabor praising her for “chaining the servants to the railings and hosing down the ugly ones”, and Neil Tennant’s entry for hobbies read “domino dancing, being boring and not going out with West End girls, as I am a gay boy”.
“So the Grace Jones one is probably a fake, then?” he asked, still clinging on to hope.
A good buddy of mine who's now based in London (God bless u Dina...u know i love u :O ) sent me this column from one of the leadin papers in UK, The Times. I thought i should share it with everyone coz it's absolutely the most HILARIOUS column ive read in a long while. I had to pick up all the bits of food that fell out of my mouth when i first read it. Ive watched the first season of Six Feet Under on DVD...and i must say that it's simply brillliant...and in case ya wonderin why the protaganist used was Kevin Bacon....think "Six Degrees of ........." (lol)...A month down the road it's still as funny as ever....columns like these are destined for stardom....simply classic....:)
Surely Kevin Bacon must be among my 192,867 close personal friends
By Caitlin Moran (The Times – Thursday 30 October 2003)
I have 192,867 people in my personal network of friends, as calculated by Friendster.com. Or, to calibrate those figures another way, I have frittered away nine whole working days since August on another silly website that has not improved my life, my soul or my brain a single ounce but has instead led to hours of fretting that 192,867 close, personal friends are not enough, and to wonder if, technically, the lead singer of Travis would count as a friend because when I interviewed him he tried to kill a bee in front of me, which proved to be an unexpected intimate act.
Friendster is the new internet craze: it now has 1.5million users and is apparently expanding at a
rate of 20% per month. It is the online version of 11-year-olds with broken arms getting lassmates to sign their plaster. You register with Friendster and get a page of your own, where
you lie to impress about your favourite books, TV shows, music, etc.
For instance, I have pretended that Six Feet Under is my favourite TV programme, when in reality I just spend all day watching documentaries of difficult births on Home & Leisure. You then emailyour friends about your page and encourage them to contribute testimonials explaining howgreat you are. Your friends then subsequently tend, excited by the obvious and potentially endless time-wasting possibilities, to sign up and get a page of their own, in order to gain reciprocal testimonials of greatness. Before you know it, everyone you have ever met is demanding that you tell the world how wonderful they are.
Poor Jonathan Abrams. I should imagine that when he came up with the idea of Friendster, he
envisioned that the testimonials would be along the lines of: “Karen has inspired my two children
to stop their part-time drugs muling and get a basketball scholarship. Nothing is too much
trouble for a friend.”
As examples of how quickly a noble idea can be ruined with a quick influx of the wrong clientele, however, testimonials from the assorted pages of my acquaintances include: “Greg is a wonderful person to chaperone on a date. Especially when he tells the prospective life partner that you once paid for a male prostitute.” “Paul is the first person I call ifI have a problem. Actually, no, he’s the fourth or fifth, BUT he IS the first person I call if someone else has aproblem. There’s nothing we like more than laughing at another’s misfortune. Especially if they’re fat or of indeterminate origin.” And “To meet Sarah is to able to sleep with her almost immediately.”
Of course there is nothing new about prompting your friends to tell you how great you are. The
Victorians went through an almost identical fad, but their testimonials used to be collected in
ornate autograph books. Friendster, in the spirit of progress, does it on a page with pop-up
adverts for personalised hooded sweatshirts. In a similar vein of progress, Friendster offers
almost unending networking potential. I can access my friend’s pages, obviously, but also my
friend’s friends’ and my friend’s friends’ friends’, and so on unto my personal network of
192,867, all of whom I could theoretically tap for work and/or sex. And while 51 of the 192,867
are Thai prostitutes from the same brothel, all of whom signed up to make “Western friends”, and whom I desire neither work nor sex from, populist statistical lore has it that at least one of the other 192,867 must be Kevin Bacon, whom I do.
Of course the ability to discover if you are connected to someone famous, however remotely, is
what leads to Phrase Two of Frienster addiction: staying up late one night typing “David
Bowie”, “Stephen Hawking”, and “One of the Rothschilds” into the Search Users facility and
hoping that they are practically family. Sadly typing “David Bowie” and discovering that there
are ten “David Bowies”, one of whom has two David Bowies as his friends, and has put under the entry for Favourite Book, “No need to read: I’m David Bowie”, is the first stage of being cured
of Friendster addiction.
My friend Charlie rang me up hugely excited that he was connected to Donatella Versace, Niel
Tennant from the Pet Shop Boys and Grace Jones. “We’re only 11 people away!” he squealed. “Shall I get Neil to DJ at my party?”It was left to me to point out that Grace’s picture was a publicity still from the 1986 film ‘A View To Kill’, Donatella Versace had a testimonial from Zsa Zsa Gabor praising her for “chaining the servants to the railings and hosing down the ugly ones”, and Neil Tennant’s entry for hobbies read “domino dancing, being boring and not going out with West End girls, as I am a gay boy”.
“So the Grace Jones one is probably a fake, then?” he asked, still clinging on to hope.
Monday, December 22
COMPUTER and SIGNING IN
My computer is right next to our family TV...often people would find me propped up comfortably in a rattan chair surfin/clickin/punching the keyboard with the TV blarin away....it's almost always Star World...ESPN...AXN or MTV...these...imho...are the greatest channels that caters to noone but me...lol....i mean...when u are at home almost 5.5 days a week..due to obvious reasons...and u've noone to talk to....the excellent choice of programs is all i need to beat away the lonely blues....
And lonely i often am....since completin my National Service last year ive often played with the thought of findin a p/t job to supplement my crazy shoppin trips (and yes...men DO shop)...but i figured i didnt need a distraction from my studies....
Now that ive graduated...it's been 4 months now mind u...i still dont understand why im still stuck at home...i guess ive grown to a certain level of comfort...'the comfort zone' ppl call it...when u've been in a familar surroundings for such a long time...with everythin at your disposal and within reach...u tend to stagnate and reach a 'lethargic' phase....
Yes...that's what im experiencin now i suppose....
My computer's also right next to the window overlookin 12 terrifyin maisonette storeys...these weeks it has been rainin non-stop due to the annual pilgrimage of Mr Monsoon and friends...it's been mostly chilly...and when i say chilly i MEAN chilly....the cool winds billowin through the windows literally make my hair stand...comin from a bloke who's settled in a hot and humid climate his whole life it's hard to acclimitise to a 24C day temperature...there are the perks though...such as goin through your wardrobe to find this funky sweater u COULDNT possilby wear on a normal Singapore day...and puttin it on in the mid-afternoon while out shoppin...nothin beats that :)
You can probably guess what im decked out in now...yes...2 tee-shirts...and im still feelin kinda brrrrrr.....
My brother Ken dropped me a pretty incredulous SMS yesterday...he asked if i could sign him into Zouk as Lynette and he might be swingin by...i had to take a double take...Ken's never been interested in the kind of music that i listen to...ever the retro and popular music fan...u could find him gyratin his booty to the sexy sounds of Kylie and some cheesy 80s anthem on Mambo nights...the one and only time ive ever been to a Mambo...i needed 3 hours of straight progressive house to detox my brain after gettin home....yes...Mambo music sucks...it's terrible..it's oppresive...and it's dangerous to the public health...God save those who listen to bad music...
Anyway...i do wish Ken and his posse hop on by to Zouk on a Friday or Saturday nights...the local music scene is evolvin...albeit at a slow pace...the atmosphere and the crowd on these nights....especially when a good DJ is spinnin....John Digweed and Armin Van Buuren being the most recent...it's quite a spectacle...the people cheerin and the strobes of lights on their faces....the music that takes u out of your current mental state and transport u to an alternative place for those few hours...you can be whoever you like..wherever u want...moments like these are hard to beat....and extremely memorable...
Carl Cox and Danny Tenaglia's comin to town this week...im very excited at the prospect of checkin out Danny's famed marathon sets...i understand he's doin a minimum 6 hours set in Zouk this saturday....i wonder how he's gona layer his songs over that length of time....it's gona be quite a feat....6 hours of progressive tunes...egads :) When Carl Cox is in town the buzz is quite palpable....ive met Techno junkies who made the short trip from Kuala Lumpur to Singapore just to check him out...shows the extent of crazy things some ppl do just for a DJ...
A start of a brand new week....
My computer is right next to our family TV...often people would find me propped up comfortably in a rattan chair surfin/clickin/punching the keyboard with the TV blarin away....it's almost always Star World...ESPN...AXN or MTV...these...imho...are the greatest channels that caters to noone but me...lol....i mean...when u are at home almost 5.5 days a week..due to obvious reasons...and u've noone to talk to....the excellent choice of programs is all i need to beat away the lonely blues....
And lonely i often am....since completin my National Service last year ive often played with the thought of findin a p/t job to supplement my crazy shoppin trips (and yes...men DO shop)...but i figured i didnt need a distraction from my studies....
Now that ive graduated...it's been 4 months now mind u...i still dont understand why im still stuck at home...i guess ive grown to a certain level of comfort...'the comfort zone' ppl call it...when u've been in a familar surroundings for such a long time...with everythin at your disposal and within reach...u tend to stagnate and reach a 'lethargic' phase....
Yes...that's what im experiencin now i suppose....
My computer's also right next to the window overlookin 12 terrifyin maisonette storeys...these weeks it has been rainin non-stop due to the annual pilgrimage of Mr Monsoon and friends...it's been mostly chilly...and when i say chilly i MEAN chilly....the cool winds billowin through the windows literally make my hair stand...comin from a bloke who's settled in a hot and humid climate his whole life it's hard to acclimitise to a 24C day temperature...there are the perks though...such as goin through your wardrobe to find this funky sweater u COULDNT possilby wear on a normal Singapore day...and puttin it on in the mid-afternoon while out shoppin...nothin beats that :)
You can probably guess what im decked out in now...yes...2 tee-shirts...and im still feelin kinda brrrrrr.....
My brother Ken dropped me a pretty incredulous SMS yesterday...he asked if i could sign him into Zouk as Lynette and he might be swingin by...i had to take a double take...Ken's never been interested in the kind of music that i listen to...ever the retro and popular music fan...u could find him gyratin his booty to the sexy sounds of Kylie and some cheesy 80s anthem on Mambo nights...the one and only time ive ever been to a Mambo...i needed 3 hours of straight progressive house to detox my brain after gettin home....yes...Mambo music sucks...it's terrible..it's oppresive...and it's dangerous to the public health...God save those who listen to bad music...
Anyway...i do wish Ken and his posse hop on by to Zouk on a Friday or Saturday nights...the local music scene is evolvin...albeit at a slow pace...the atmosphere and the crowd on these nights....especially when a good DJ is spinnin....John Digweed and Armin Van Buuren being the most recent...it's quite a spectacle...the people cheerin and the strobes of lights on their faces....the music that takes u out of your current mental state and transport u to an alternative place for those few hours...you can be whoever you like..wherever u want...moments like these are hard to beat....and extremely memorable...
Carl Cox and Danny Tenaglia's comin to town this week...im very excited at the prospect of checkin out Danny's famed marathon sets...i understand he's doin a minimum 6 hours set in Zouk this saturday....i wonder how he's gona layer his songs over that length of time....it's gona be quite a feat....6 hours of progressive tunes...egads :) When Carl Cox is in town the buzz is quite palpable....ive met Techno junkies who made the short trip from Kuala Lumpur to Singapore just to check him out...shows the extent of crazy things some ppl do just for a DJ...
A start of a brand new week....
Saturday, December 20
BLOGGER BLOOPER, MADELINE STOWE and DARK HAIRED WOMEN
Gah...i just reviewed my blogger and i realised i made a big boo-boo...the TOILET BOWL thread and the GRANDIES thread have been mixed up...some editin work i was attemptin to do invariably affected the blogger date and time settings lol...anyway if anyone cares...the TOILET BOWL thread was made on Monday Dec 15...there isnt a problem with the GRANDIES thread...so blognically (lol) GRANDIES thread should be on top and hence, read first.
I was scouring through my dusty VCD box for some good ol late night entertainment...ive ran out of DVDs to watch and Friday night entertainment on cable just isnt too..well...entertainin...and no before u get into some smart-ass diatribe bout how ppl have moved into the DVD era and VCDs are for pussies please be warned that i HAD mentioned DUSTY vcd box...hence the words OLD and MUSTY comes into mind...
So i picked up this flashy movie i bought bout 2 years ago...The General's Daughter...starrin John Travolta, Madeline Stowe, James Wood, Timothy Hutton and James Cromwell....lol to think i can recite all their names like 30 minutes after the show...im quite the movie fan u see...James Wood with a sterlin perfomance as a Colonel with a secret to hide...Timothy Hutton with an even bigger secret...Babe's owner James doin a rehash of his L.A Confidential character....and who doesnt know John lol.....
But Madeline Stowe??? Bet none of u have seen or heard of her....i lost my first kiss to a Madeline Stowe movie lol...'Blink' it was called....sometime back in 1994...when i was in Secondary 3...this girl i brought to the movies....i picked the movie coz ive seen her in Bad Girls before and i gota tell ya....dark haired women with raspy/deep throated voice just turns me on...
perhaps that's why i find Buffy The Vampire Slayer bad girl Eliza Dushku incredibly hot too...mm i just realised i kinda dig lotsa non-mainstream women...i dont remember much bout the movie....lol apart from the fact i was busy kissin the girl...Madeline plays a blind woman who's been stalked or somethin...but watever...i never got to watch Bad Girls before Blink...so the next time i saw her it was on Channel 5 screenin of Bad Girls....4 heluva attractive chicks (count them!!! Drew Barrymore, Mary Stuart Masterson, Madeline Stowe and Andie MacDonald) doin a female Young Guns...i mean...look at it this way...chicks...in tight jeans/corsets...wielding a 6-incher (u know what i mean lol)...and kickin guys' ass....how SEXY is that....woohoo...Madeline just made my loins all hot and randy...
And did i mention she has a fine ass body...AND HER ASS OMG....watch her in The General's Daughter...fine ass she has....
The sun is risin...it's gona be a great day today...Deep Dish is comin to town!!! And guess who's coverin it hehe...and good grief it's in Zouk instead of Centro...the last 2 times i covered events in Centro i had ppl findin out i had sex with a girl who's seeing someone and a fantastic Italian DJ who played to an empty club....
And no...dont probe me on the 'sex with the girl' part...that's another story for another day... :)
And no...dont ask me what movie/song i lost my virginity too :)
Gah...i just reviewed my blogger and i realised i made a big boo-boo...the TOILET BOWL thread and the GRANDIES thread have been mixed up...some editin work i was attemptin to do invariably affected the blogger date and time settings lol...anyway if anyone cares...the TOILET BOWL thread was made on Monday Dec 15...there isnt a problem with the GRANDIES thread...so blognically (lol) GRANDIES thread should be on top and hence, read first.
I was scouring through my dusty VCD box for some good ol late night entertainment...ive ran out of DVDs to watch and Friday night entertainment on cable just isnt too..well...entertainin...and no before u get into some smart-ass diatribe bout how ppl have moved into the DVD era and VCDs are for pussies please be warned that i HAD mentioned DUSTY vcd box...hence the words OLD and MUSTY comes into mind...
So i picked up this flashy movie i bought bout 2 years ago...The General's Daughter...starrin John Travolta, Madeline Stowe, James Wood, Timothy Hutton and James Cromwell....lol to think i can recite all their names like 30 minutes after the show...im quite the movie fan u see...James Wood with a sterlin perfomance as a Colonel with a secret to hide...Timothy Hutton with an even bigger secret...Babe's owner James doin a rehash of his L.A Confidential character....and who doesnt know John lol.....
But Madeline Stowe??? Bet none of u have seen or heard of her....i lost my first kiss to a Madeline Stowe movie lol...'Blink' it was called....sometime back in 1994...when i was in Secondary 3...this girl i brought to the movies....i picked the movie coz ive seen her in Bad Girls before and i gota tell ya....dark haired women with raspy/deep throated voice just turns me on...
perhaps that's why i find Buffy The Vampire Slayer bad girl Eliza Dushku incredibly hot too...mm i just realised i kinda dig lotsa non-mainstream women...i dont remember much bout the movie....lol apart from the fact i was busy kissin the girl...Madeline plays a blind woman who's been stalked or somethin...but watever...i never got to watch Bad Girls before Blink...so the next time i saw her it was on Channel 5 screenin of Bad Girls....4 heluva attractive chicks (count them!!! Drew Barrymore, Mary Stuart Masterson, Madeline Stowe and Andie MacDonald) doin a female Young Guns...i mean...look at it this way...chicks...in tight jeans/corsets...wielding a 6-incher (u know what i mean lol)...and kickin guys' ass....how SEXY is that....woohoo...Madeline just made my loins all hot and randy...
And did i mention she has a fine ass body...AND HER ASS OMG....watch her in The General's Daughter...fine ass she has....
The sun is risin...it's gona be a great day today...Deep Dish is comin to town!!! And guess who's coverin it hehe...and good grief it's in Zouk instead of Centro...the last 2 times i covered events in Centro i had ppl findin out i had sex with a girl who's seeing someone and a fantastic Italian DJ who played to an empty club....
And no...dont probe me on the 'sex with the girl' part...that's another story for another day... :)
And no...dont ask me what movie/song i lost my virginity too :)
Friday, December 19
THE TOILET BOWL INCIDENT and LEEDS' REVIVAL
Another week has gone by....and oh boy what a week!! A week of many firsts...when i stepped out of home yesterday mornin for Sunday football it was the first time in 6 days that ive actually left the comforts of my humble abode....terrible weather not withstandin my illness kept me cooped in the home snugglin under 3 sweaters and a giant blanket...
Somethin good came out of those 6 days though...i was so sick i felt no compulsion to take a bloody cigarette at any one time...it was only after the comsumption of some very poor kaya-and-butter roti and an iced milo did i pop a fawkin stick into my mouth....then again...i cant tell u how comfortin it feels to have those first puffs again...it's like the old girl u've always had sex with....it's borin and dull...but u know it always satisfies u LOL....
Then there was the football...our old friend Jay's back from his studies in Brisbane....everyone seems to have the money to study overseas these days...sometimes i can only shake my head at my family's financial problems and leer at my friends in enviousness....
I felt really dead durin the football session...imagine gettin all worked up after 6 days of inactivity...
Then there's the absolutely hilarious shit episode in Rudy's place....headed to his place for a shower before returnin to Terence's place for afternoon gaming....i had the intention to take a dump since i left home in the mornin...i havnt taken a dump for 6 days....lol...i mean...ive been sick so many days i hardly ate anythin...Rudy warned me bout the faulty flushin system...i had suggested usin his washin area toilet...but it would be too incvonvenient...besides...i wanted a read his fawkin 8Days while i shat...
And shower...and shat i did...i cleaned my ass...stood up...reached out for the large silver button that activates the flushin system....and all hell broke loose....the water level started rising...my shit started rising...the toilet paper started swirling...it looked like the giant whirlpool of frosty chocolate...i raised my eye in horror...half wantin to run out coz it looked like it was gona spill over...then...silence...
The water just stagnated...before gradually decreasin in level...all this time BRINGING THE SHIT ALONG THE JOURNEY...NOT FLUSHIN IT DOWN AS IT SHOULD....
Panickin...i ran to the kitchen..grabbed a pail...did what every handy man would do...and filled it up with water...and decided to FORCE FLUSH it...and i made it worse....the water now takes even longer to drain...and the whirlpool of shit was beginning to smell...YOU DO NOT WANA SMELL SHIT THAT'S BEEN ON THE SURFACE FOR MORE THAN 15 MINUTES!!! health hazard....somebody should stick a health hazard sticker on all toilets after this...jesus...
So it was shit vs John for a good 20 minutes...until i gave up...i decided to scoop the shit...yes..MY SHIT...with plastic bags...Rudy our friendly neighborhood hero has gamely decided to stay in his room...preferrin NOT to come out while i tackle the...eh...crisis...thank god he's got many plastic bags that came in handy...so i rolled up my invisible sleeves....i was still clad in the towel u see...and got down to scooping shit out....WARNING: SCOOPING SHIT CAN LEAD TO HEALTH PROBLEMS AND POTENTIAL NIGHTMARES...i dont know if i can sleep tonight...
On a good note...i just watched my beloved Leeds play the game of their lives...a last minute header by Dominic Matteo gave us a 3-2 win...ive not watched a game of such magnitude for a really long time...i mean...the nervousness...the tension...the shouts of whoop...and moans of disappointment...and the ecstatic glee of winning the game...i will never forget Eddie Gray's smile when the final whistle was blown....Leeds are a good team...we're not goin down just becoz of some short-sighted business dealings by the previous management...WE WILL STAY UP....
I shall now turn in...gettin a bad headache now....sports in the mornin...games in the afternoon and late nights dont cut it for me now...gettin old....till we meet again...
Another week has gone by....and oh boy what a week!! A week of many firsts...when i stepped out of home yesterday mornin for Sunday football it was the first time in 6 days that ive actually left the comforts of my humble abode....terrible weather not withstandin my illness kept me cooped in the home snugglin under 3 sweaters and a giant blanket...
Somethin good came out of those 6 days though...i was so sick i felt no compulsion to take a bloody cigarette at any one time...it was only after the comsumption of some very poor kaya-and-butter roti and an iced milo did i pop a fawkin stick into my mouth....then again...i cant tell u how comfortin it feels to have those first puffs again...it's like the old girl u've always had sex with....it's borin and dull...but u know it always satisfies u LOL....
Then there was the football...our old friend Jay's back from his studies in Brisbane....everyone seems to have the money to study overseas these days...sometimes i can only shake my head at my family's financial problems and leer at my friends in enviousness....
I felt really dead durin the football session...imagine gettin all worked up after 6 days of inactivity...
Then there's the absolutely hilarious shit episode in Rudy's place....headed to his place for a shower before returnin to Terence's place for afternoon gaming....i had the intention to take a dump since i left home in the mornin...i havnt taken a dump for 6 days....lol...i mean...ive been sick so many days i hardly ate anythin...Rudy warned me bout the faulty flushin system...i had suggested usin his washin area toilet...but it would be too incvonvenient...besides...i wanted a read his fawkin 8Days while i shat...
And shower...and shat i did...i cleaned my ass...stood up...reached out for the large silver button that activates the flushin system....and all hell broke loose....the water level started rising...my shit started rising...the toilet paper started swirling...it looked like the giant whirlpool of frosty chocolate...i raised my eye in horror...half wantin to run out coz it looked like it was gona spill over...then...silence...
The water just stagnated...before gradually decreasin in level...all this time BRINGING THE SHIT ALONG THE JOURNEY...NOT FLUSHIN IT DOWN AS IT SHOULD....
Panickin...i ran to the kitchen..grabbed a pail...did what every handy man would do...and filled it up with water...and decided to FORCE FLUSH it...and i made it worse....the water now takes even longer to drain...and the whirlpool of shit was beginning to smell...YOU DO NOT WANA SMELL SHIT THAT'S BEEN ON THE SURFACE FOR MORE THAN 15 MINUTES!!! health hazard....somebody should stick a health hazard sticker on all toilets after this...jesus...
So it was shit vs John for a good 20 minutes...until i gave up...i decided to scoop the shit...yes..MY SHIT...with plastic bags...Rudy our friendly neighborhood hero has gamely decided to stay in his room...preferrin NOT to come out while i tackle the...eh...crisis...thank god he's got many plastic bags that came in handy...so i rolled up my invisible sleeves....i was still clad in the towel u see...and got down to scooping shit out....WARNING: SCOOPING SHIT CAN LEAD TO HEALTH PROBLEMS AND POTENTIAL NIGHTMARES...i dont know if i can sleep tonight...
On a good note...i just watched my beloved Leeds play the game of their lives...a last minute header by Dominic Matteo gave us a 3-2 win...ive not watched a game of such magnitude for a really long time...i mean...the nervousness...the tension...the shouts of whoop...and moans of disappointment...and the ecstatic glee of winning the game...i will never forget Eddie Gray's smile when the final whistle was blown....Leeds are a good team...we're not goin down just becoz of some short-sighted business dealings by the previous management...WE WILL STAY UP....
I shall now turn in...gettin a bad headache now....sports in the mornin...games in the afternoon and late nights dont cut it for me now...gettin old....till we meet again...
GRANDMAs. HOKKIEN and SURVIVOR 7
My dad told me some pretty grave news just after dinner today...turns out my Grandma....that's my dad's mom for ya...so that makes her my paternal Grandma for those not in the loop...has been admitted into hospital...
I raise my eyebrow whenever my Grandma gets treatment from the doctors...she's like 75(?)...but she looks half her age...very strong and healthy...as far as im concerned old, frail and fragile just arent words i would associate my Grandma with...
Strangely enough though...im barely concerned bout my Grandma...im almost 25...and she's in the twilight of her life...i think i can count with the fingers on my hands the number of times ive spoken to her....thing is....she doesnt speak a word of English....and her Mandarin's not too good...Hokkien's all she can speak...as for me...English's my modus operandi...my Mandarin's laugh-a-minute (u dont wana hear me speak it)...and ive never given 2 hoots bout learnin Hokkien as ive always associated Hokkien (and any Chinese dialects for the matter) with gangster language....blame my 4 years of traumatic high school time for it...i was the constant bane of the school bullies....they liked pickin on me coz i spoke good English...the way i walked...the silly things i did to the Girl Guides (??!!)...forgive me but can anyone fill me in on the Guides part?? I dont remember doin anytin to them....John's a LOSER back then hello????
Neways...back to the Grandma part...i dont think i'll be too distressed or shed a tear if Grandma dies...whenever she comes over for visits our conversations are reduced to "Hi how are you?", "Have u eaten?", "When are u goin back to Malaysia?" and crude pick me ups....
Im always green with envy whenever i look at my Caucasian counterparts who cry buckets whenever their Grandpops or Mops pass away....ive never seen ONE Caucasian elderly NOT SPEAK the common language from wherever their grandkids are from...ive watched countless movies and TV serials depictin cute blonde hair blue-eyed kids sittin on the Grandies laps...chattin away till it's time for bed....ive never had that....
I can understand why the Caucasians cry and grief over the death of someone close...the day my Grandma dies...my other 3 Grandies have passed away a long time ago...u can bet your last dollar how flustered i was when they died....i will go for her funeral...but im not gona be cryin one bit...i'll be there to comfort my Dad...he's told me many stories of how Grandma took pains to raise my Dad...who was a really naugthy kid....guess who picked up his traits LOL....
Still not convinced of the Caucasians' fondness of their Grandies? The most infamous and recent example would be Survivor 7...now i know many of u have given up on Survivor...before u speak let me tell u how much i loathe Survivor myself....after Survivor Africa i thought..."Fuck...everythin is the same and it's just a bad rehash of the same old...same old..."....geme The Amazing Race anyday...but oh boy it was one of those gloomy Friday nights when jobless poor me...plonkin himself in front of the TV found himself glued to the last 5(?) episodes of Survivor 7...and all i can is it's riveting!!! Kudos to the producers of Survivor who've come up with new ways of makin Survivor really interestin...i dont wana go into details...but this year's Survivor has so many twists and turns...
But i digress...anyone who's watched Survivor 7 would remember 3rd placed contestant Jon schemed, lied, plotted and bitched his way to infamy...in fact he's one of the reasons why millions around the world picked up Survivor 7...the incredible 'Grandma is dead' ploy is so god damn convincin...even host Jeff Probst was moved to tears when Jon's good friend arrived with the bad news....
However it turned out to be the greatest lie ever told on CBS (that's the network that screens Survivor mind u:>)...Jon got his time away from the survivors...and shot himself to infamy...
Now many of us who dont speak the same language as your Grandies would be moved by that incident?? I could understand where the Caucasians and Asians-who-speak-the-same-language-as-Grandies come from...but for the rest of us....it's just another day....
As for me...im resigned to another week without a job...
My dad told me some pretty grave news just after dinner today...turns out my Grandma....that's my dad's mom for ya...so that makes her my paternal Grandma for those not in the loop...has been admitted into hospital...
I raise my eyebrow whenever my Grandma gets treatment from the doctors...she's like 75(?)...but she looks half her age...very strong and healthy...as far as im concerned old, frail and fragile just arent words i would associate my Grandma with...
Strangely enough though...im barely concerned bout my Grandma...im almost 25...and she's in the twilight of her life...i think i can count with the fingers on my hands the number of times ive spoken to her....thing is....she doesnt speak a word of English....and her Mandarin's not too good...Hokkien's all she can speak...as for me...English's my modus operandi...my Mandarin's laugh-a-minute (u dont wana hear me speak it)...and ive never given 2 hoots bout learnin Hokkien as ive always associated Hokkien (and any Chinese dialects for the matter) with gangster language....blame my 4 years of traumatic high school time for it...i was the constant bane of the school bullies....they liked pickin on me coz i spoke good English...the way i walked...the silly things i did to the Girl Guides (??!!)...forgive me but can anyone fill me in on the Guides part?? I dont remember doin anytin to them....John's a LOSER back then hello????
Neways...back to the Grandma part...i dont think i'll be too distressed or shed a tear if Grandma dies...whenever she comes over for visits our conversations are reduced to "Hi how are you?", "Have u eaten?", "When are u goin back to Malaysia?" and crude pick me ups....
Im always green with envy whenever i look at my Caucasian counterparts who cry buckets whenever their Grandpops or Mops pass away....ive never seen ONE Caucasian elderly NOT SPEAK the common language from wherever their grandkids are from...ive watched countless movies and TV serials depictin cute blonde hair blue-eyed kids sittin on the Grandies laps...chattin away till it's time for bed....ive never had that....
I can understand why the Caucasians cry and grief over the death of someone close...the day my Grandma dies...my other 3 Grandies have passed away a long time ago...u can bet your last dollar how flustered i was when they died....i will go for her funeral...but im not gona be cryin one bit...i'll be there to comfort my Dad...he's told me many stories of how Grandma took pains to raise my Dad...who was a really naugthy kid....guess who picked up his traits LOL....
Still not convinced of the Caucasians' fondness of their Grandies? The most infamous and recent example would be Survivor 7...now i know many of u have given up on Survivor...before u speak let me tell u how much i loathe Survivor myself....after Survivor Africa i thought..."Fuck...everythin is the same and it's just a bad rehash of the same old...same old..."....geme The Amazing Race anyday...but oh boy it was one of those gloomy Friday nights when jobless poor me...plonkin himself in front of the TV found himself glued to the last 5(?) episodes of Survivor 7...and all i can is it's riveting!!! Kudos to the producers of Survivor who've come up with new ways of makin Survivor really interestin...i dont wana go into details...but this year's Survivor has so many twists and turns...
But i digress...anyone who's watched Survivor 7 would remember 3rd placed contestant Jon schemed, lied, plotted and bitched his way to infamy...in fact he's one of the reasons why millions around the world picked up Survivor 7...the incredible 'Grandma is dead' ploy is so god damn convincin...even host Jeff Probst was moved to tears when Jon's good friend arrived with the bad news....
However it turned out to be the greatest lie ever told on CBS (that's the network that screens Survivor mind u:>)...Jon got his time away from the survivors...and shot himself to infamy...
Now many of us who dont speak the same language as your Grandies would be moved by that incident?? I could understand where the Caucasians and Asians-who-speak-the-same-language-as-Grandies come from...but for the rest of us....it's just another day....
As for me...im resigned to another week without a job...
Tuesday, December 9
SOME RANT AND WHAT NOT
Mmmmm...
It's another day in jobless nation...my fever has shot up to 38.2C...and im gettin this incredible shivers while perspiring like a waterin hole...a fan at speed 3 faces me while im decked out in 2 sweaters...nothin can beat this gloomy look i present now....
But hey...just when u think things were tippin the scales...did i tell u how the editor of Juice..name's Wayne...ok he's not the editor...but he's the only full time writer...offered me an internship in Januray next year? Im rubbin my hand in glee...it's somethin i really look forward to...im just hopin the current intern packs up and leave and dies a quick death...Wayne also wanted me to do a feature for Juice magazine...on the new range of LOMO cameras that they're launchin...the deadline's this Wednesday...im so exctied...i finally get to write (and hopefully get paid for somethin i love doin)...
What am i doin right now? Still tacklin CM03/04...it's one helluva complicated game...i spent 30 minutes playin Medal of Honor: Allied Assault and got this incredible motion sickness due to my fever...head felt like it was the size of a water melon that's bout to be cut up and fed to some hungry kids...
Oh well...back to CM...
Mmmmm...
It's another day in jobless nation...my fever has shot up to 38.2C...and im gettin this incredible shivers while perspiring like a waterin hole...a fan at speed 3 faces me while im decked out in 2 sweaters...nothin can beat this gloomy look i present now....
But hey...just when u think things were tippin the scales...did i tell u how the editor of Juice..name's Wayne...ok he's not the editor...but he's the only full time writer...offered me an internship in Januray next year? Im rubbin my hand in glee...it's somethin i really look forward to...im just hopin the current intern packs up and leave and dies a quick death...Wayne also wanted me to do a feature for Juice magazine...on the new range of LOMO cameras that they're launchin...the deadline's this Wednesday...im so exctied...i finally get to write (and hopefully get paid for somethin i love doin)...
What am i doin right now? Still tacklin CM03/04...it's one helluva complicated game...i spent 30 minutes playin Medal of Honor: Allied Assault and got this incredible motion sickness due to my fever...head felt like it was the size of a water melon that's bout to be cut up and fed to some hungry kids...
Oh well...back to CM...
Monday, December 8
STEAMBOAT and ZOOLANDER
Egads....
It's another weekend gone by...and the start of another week...
I find myself tellin myself the same thing week after week...it's a weekly humdrum...monotonous as it is...i know it's not beyond all hope that i cant find a job...then again...i still have this week...and next week...
What a great weekend i had....there was a sumptious (minus the beef) steamboat over at Rude's...my magnificent boys drew 1-1 with the rich aristocrats from Chelsea...and i crashed over at his place only to find.....a rather sick John on Sunday afternoon...i dont know...perhaps im not gettin enough rest...heck we stayed up till 7am to watch a rather interestin game in Nou Camp featurin Barca and their old enemy Real...
There's a weddin party last night...my eldest cousin Indy's throwin a post-weddin bash over at Roomful of Blues...much as i would wana go...i mean...free booze and chicks!!!....im too sick to even attempt to leave home...
Speakin of post-events...i find myself chucklin at the hilarious Zoolander extras last night...i think the banning of the movie in Singapore did it a world of good....the movie's premise is steeped in the American industry...and unless u are familar with SNL (Will Farrel and Ben Stiller), VH1 Awards (Derrick Zoolander first made his appearance in the '96 edition) and movie stars, cameos (our favorite internet porn chick Paris Hilton, the fiance everybody hates in Titanic Billy Zane, OMFG she's too cute Winona Ryder, Ben's mom as the egg throwin fan to name a few...) and family relations lol (Ben's wife Christine stars as Matilda, his dad Jerry as Maury) ...i doubt many Singaporeans would fathom the in-jokes and all....it's really one of the smartest satire ive seen yet...the parody and spoofs....
Neways...the sun is comin up...im still tryin to 'acclimitise' to CM 03/04...ive waited 2 years for this game to be debugged and now that ive my hands on it im not bout to play an UNPATCHED VERSION....omg why the fuck cant i d/l the patch.......................................................................
Egads....
It's another weekend gone by...and the start of another week...
I find myself tellin myself the same thing week after week...it's a weekly humdrum...monotonous as it is...i know it's not beyond all hope that i cant find a job...then again...i still have this week...and next week...
What a great weekend i had....there was a sumptious (minus the beef) steamboat over at Rude's...my magnificent boys drew 1-1 with the rich aristocrats from Chelsea...and i crashed over at his place only to find.....a rather sick John on Sunday afternoon...i dont know...perhaps im not gettin enough rest...heck we stayed up till 7am to watch a rather interestin game in Nou Camp featurin Barca and their old enemy Real...
There's a weddin party last night...my eldest cousin Indy's throwin a post-weddin bash over at Roomful of Blues...much as i would wana go...i mean...free booze and chicks!!!....im too sick to even attempt to leave home...
Speakin of post-events...i find myself chucklin at the hilarious Zoolander extras last night...i think the banning of the movie in Singapore did it a world of good....the movie's premise is steeped in the American industry...and unless u are familar with SNL (Will Farrel and Ben Stiller), VH1 Awards (Derrick Zoolander first made his appearance in the '96 edition) and movie stars, cameos (our favorite internet porn chick Paris Hilton, the fiance everybody hates in Titanic Billy Zane, OMFG she's too cute Winona Ryder, Ben's mom as the egg throwin fan to name a few...) and family relations lol (Ben's wife Christine stars as Matilda, his dad Jerry as Maury) ...i doubt many Singaporeans would fathom the in-jokes and all....it's really one of the smartest satire ive seen yet...the parody and spoofs....
Neways...the sun is comin up...im still tryin to 'acclimitise' to CM 03/04...ive waited 2 years for this game to be debugged and now that ive my hands on it im not bout to play an UNPATCHED VERSION....omg why the fuck cant i d/l the patch.......................................................................
Saturday, December 6
HOLLAND 1 ITALY 0 (and no it's not football)
An email i sent to my close friends this mornin...silly rant...:
Hi guys...
i just got back from the most FUCKIN AMAZING NIGHT EVER (and some parts of the afternoons)...amazing highs and lows actually...on a side note i dont even know why im mailin so many ppl...maybe it's coz the night (did i mention some part of the afternoon? LOL) was SO FUCKIN INCREDIBLE that i thought i should share it with y'all...
As i speak im stayin awake purely on adrenalin...it's 8 fuckin am and im swathed with vodka, malibu pineapple, corona, red bull, some strong ass booze i swigged at 5am, tons of ice water and eh...1 char siew pau? LOL...im so fuckin smashed...and happy...
Oh i almost forgot to tell everyone my day...i think my quest to find a job is finally ending (PLEASE LORD FOR FUCK SAKES GEME A JOB)...a quaint mid afternoon meetup with the editor of JUICE turns out to be a 2 hour gabble fest...turns out that mofo wants ME!!! YES ME!!! to write a feature on the new LOMO camera that they're launchin...ehmm....if u guys dont know what a LOMO camera is...u have serious issues...which rock have u been under lol...anyway...since he has decided to put his job on the line by hiring my services (lol) i shall do him a great service and give him a good report...now i need some volunteers for the camera...usual camera takin poses...
God must be fuckin crazy to send DJ Armin van Buuren and Mauro Picotto to Zouk and Centro respectively on the SAME FUCKIN NIGHT...i mean...2 excellent DJs in one night??? WTF!!! Im partyin in a FULL HOUSE Zouk (was with my bedroomjocks team....met so many ppl like it's going out of style LOL) to an absolutly kick ass uplifting Armin for 4 hours before i left for Centro at 3am...only to find a comatose club...i could literally lie on the dance floor...roll around in circles...do jumping jacks on it...heck even my 2.4KM run....NO FUCKIN PPL IN CENTRO FOR MAURO PICOTTO??????????????? WTF.........to think im coverin Mauro tonight....no fuckin pictures to take....pathetic review im comin up with....heck Mauro even left the booth in frustration at 4.30AM....he's supposed to spin till 6AM!!! It's sooooo sad...i feel so bad and sorry for Mauro...top notch DJ spinnin to a crowd who has all decided to go Zouk...lol the irony...
I still have no idea why im tellin everyone this...just have to get it off my chest and into my blogger perhaps...i saw Mauro's look...have u ever seen a dog cry? No really....he looked worse than a dog....any dog would be happier than him...the look on his face haunts me till now...my 2 cent's story-sharing hehe :)
AHHHH...ok time to sleep...thanks for readin my crappy post...it's gona be a good day today...housewarmin in the afternoon....and watchin Leeds absolutely THRASH Chelsea tonight....
Now...who wana be my models? Call, sMS, msg on Friendster, snail mail, look me up...whatever...
P.s: Check out my works on the website!!
An email i sent to my close friends this mornin...silly rant...:
Hi guys...
i just got back from the most FUCKIN AMAZING NIGHT EVER (and some parts of the afternoons)...amazing highs and lows actually...on a side note i dont even know why im mailin so many ppl...maybe it's coz the night (did i mention some part of the afternoon? LOL) was SO FUCKIN INCREDIBLE that i thought i should share it with y'all...
As i speak im stayin awake purely on adrenalin...it's 8 fuckin am and im swathed with vodka, malibu pineapple, corona, red bull, some strong ass booze i swigged at 5am, tons of ice water and eh...1 char siew pau? LOL...im so fuckin smashed...and happy...
Oh i almost forgot to tell everyone my day...i think my quest to find a job is finally ending (PLEASE LORD FOR FUCK SAKES GEME A JOB)...a quaint mid afternoon meetup with the editor of JUICE turns out to be a 2 hour gabble fest...turns out that mofo wants ME!!! YES ME!!! to write a feature on the new LOMO camera that they're launchin...ehmm....if u guys dont know what a LOMO camera is...u have serious issues...which rock have u been under lol...anyway...since he has decided to put his job on the line by hiring my services (lol) i shall do him a great service and give him a good report...now i need some volunteers for the camera...usual camera takin poses...
God must be fuckin crazy to send DJ Armin van Buuren and Mauro Picotto to Zouk and Centro respectively on the SAME FUCKIN NIGHT...i mean...2 excellent DJs in one night??? WTF!!! Im partyin in a FULL HOUSE Zouk (was with my bedroomjocks team....met so many ppl like it's going out of style LOL) to an absolutly kick ass uplifting Armin for 4 hours before i left for Centro at 3am...only to find a comatose club...i could literally lie on the dance floor...roll around in circles...do jumping jacks on it...heck even my 2.4KM run....NO FUCKIN PPL IN CENTRO FOR MAURO PICOTTO??????????????? WTF.........to think im coverin Mauro tonight....no fuckin pictures to take....pathetic review im comin up with....heck Mauro even left the booth in frustration at 4.30AM....he's supposed to spin till 6AM!!! It's sooooo sad...i feel so bad and sorry for Mauro...top notch DJ spinnin to a crowd who has all decided to go Zouk...lol the irony...
I still have no idea why im tellin everyone this...just have to get it off my chest and into my blogger perhaps...i saw Mauro's look...have u ever seen a dog cry? No really....he looked worse than a dog....any dog would be happier than him...the look on his face haunts me till now...my 2 cent's story-sharing hehe :)
AHHHH...ok time to sleep...thanks for readin my crappy post...it's gona be a good day today...housewarmin in the afternoon....and watchin Leeds absolutely THRASH Chelsea tonight....
Now...who wana be my models? Call, sMS, msg on Friendster, snail mail, look me up...whatever...
P.s: Check out my works on the website!!
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