Outrageous. Beautiful. Misfit.

I LOVE MYSELF

Yes...what can i say...i'm a narcissistic ethnocentric debonair who loves spendin time in front of the mirror and posin gamely for the papparazzi who hounds me to death...i love the attention!!! The papparazzi loves me!! They cant get enough of me!! I want them to know who im datin now, how drunk i look in a club and what choice of soda i drink!!! I want to appear in the next issue of Vogue!!! I make Zoolander's flashy stunts look schoolyard...I declare that im in the list of 2004 Teen People Magazine 50 Sexiest People...if not i shall sleep my way to the top!!! Women love me!! They cant get enough of me!! I've slept my way around to get to where i am (which sadly, doesnt amount to much...i obviously have been sleepin with the wrong people)...so what's a few more??? The spotlight focuses on me when im introduced by David Letterman and it shall stay on me!! Letterman loves me so much that he even comes up with "10 Reasons why John Ng Xander must run for President"...People shall clap and cheer for me!!! Women will throw their underwear when i appear on the red carpet for the Oscars, Emmys and Grammys even though im not an actor or musician!!! It's mass hysteria when im introduced as the special guest of the Late Show with Conan O'Brien...producers want me to cut an album not becoz i can sing, but purely becoz i ooze sex appeal...i shall stay on numero uno on BillBoard Top 100 for 26 weeks, eclipsing any rubbish 50 Cents or 3 Dollar Bill (that's Limp Bizkit's first album btw)...i shall become SOOOO FAMOUS AND POPULAR that Japanese folks paste my pictures OVER DAVID BECKHAM'S UBIQUITOUS ENDORSEMENTS...people will eat John Ng Xander Instant Noodles and style the hair with John Ng Xander wax!! I shall show Arnold how to pronounce 'California' and usurp the throne of the state, amidst wild celebration...I SHALL ACEHIEVE ALL THESE...BUT WHY...GOD DAMN WHY...DO I STILL HAVE ONLY 5 pictures to post??? I WANA POST MORE PICTURES OF MYSELF!!!

HOT IN SINGAPORE, BEDROOMJOCKS and THE GAY IN MEN

I got home today feelin really hot and
bothered...i mean yes it's Singapore so the
tendency to get hot under the collar is every
fuckin day...but WTF...it's like to have beads of
pespiration written across ya forehead when ya
meetin a blind date who turns out to be some
Kristin Kreuk lookalike when all u wana fuckin do
is take another bleedin shower 30 minutes after u
took one!!!!!! And shall i even start on the
pespiration that trickles down ya back...they
slip their way into the the back of ya
jeans...stainin your clean Calvins...leavin a
faint odor...and to think that $29.90 bottle of
deodorant was SUPPOSED TO PREVENT ODOR!!!
omg...odor from your back....wtf....

I logged onto www.bedroomjocks.com to find...and long
last...my 3rd piece of work on the website...and
praise the Lord...praise Alah...Buddha...that my
bloody editor has finally decided to display all
25 pictures that i send to him regularly ...i was
just about to applaud him on his part when i
realised..."Fuck...this is a 24-hour
party...obviously it'ld require a 25 picture
selection"...then it hit me..."Fuck...why the
hell do i send him 25 pictures all the
time...when all he does it display 4 x 4 = 16
pictures???!?!?!?!? And most of them are the
lousy ones with no BABES!!!! WHERE ARE THE
PICTURES OF THE BABES THAT I TOOK??? Im beginnin
to suspect that my editor is gay...coz i see more
pics of pimpled and sweaty men in 'male-bonding'
mode than sweet smellin and virginal women
flashin their pearly whites...

Mmmmm...perhaps i should run for editor...i'll
order all contributors to take only
female/previous male/gona be male/neither male
nor female coz that's where the ratings
are...people wana see breasts jigglin...chicks
with dicks struttin their stuff...dikes snaggin
all the pretty women leavin men with the
leftovers...and people 'who cant decide which
direction to swing to' tryin to fit into the
normal world...NOONE WANTS TO SEE A PACK OF
HYENAS WHO HAVENT GOTTEN ANY SINCE THEY LAST
TOUCHED THEMSELVES TO OBLIVION WRAPPING THEIR
ARMS AROUND EACH OTHER LOOKING VERY GAY (in both
sense of the word)...ABSOLUTELY NOONE...

But come to think of it...does homosexuality
exist in every person? That...my friend...is a
story for another day...

SLEEPLESS IN SINGA-TLE (i wished it was Seattle)

I cant believe this....i intended to take a nap at 5pm...so that's what i did...but i woke up to the cooling night light of 3am..3AM!!! WTF!!! That's not a nap!! Anyway i had a very late dinner...which had turned cold and kinda lame...cold dinner tastes terrible...dont ever ever ever have cold dinner...especially if it has any potatoes in it....ewwwww.....neways my irritation at wastin the entire evenin was immediately replaced by ecstacy....as i find my contributions for bedroomjocks are finally posted on the net!!! Woot!! My very own work!! On the internet!! How fuckin cool is that!!! Im still bloody hopeless at findin a job...i intend to make this period of 'inactivity' and 'prolonged self-preservation' to my heart's content...im seriously thinkin of doin a review of Buffy the Vampire Slayer...now now it's 7 season...it's gona take lots of work...but a Buffy fan like i am...it's the passion that'll drive me to finish at least the first episode of season 1...

ELITE MODELS OMFG *SWOON* SPANK ME HARD!!

Yesterday...31st of October...it was a good day...spent the entire day out...was Halloween...and also my brother's birthday...strangely enough it seems that noone would be willin to dress up strange in the day...i spent the greater part of the day just waitin for dinner at the Ritz Carlton...goin home after shoppin and goin out for dinner again just doesnt really appeal to me...anyway...speakin of shoppin...was at The Heeren shoppin mall...when the entire fuckin entourage of Elite Models tropped into the building...omfg...did i mention they were tall? how bout REALLY PRETTY AND BEAUTIFUL? how bout UNDERAGED??? i think im a newly converted paedophile...good thing for my digicam...i managed to sneak a few good shots....and bad ones....hey Miss Slovakia posed for me and smiled! OMG she's so sweet....i even managed to take a pic with Miss Singapore...omg...wtf is she...she's a freak i swear...she's 14 and she's half a head taller than me...i swear...im 5'11"....she must be on speed or somethin....noone who's 14 is THAT tall...i mean wtf is that..the best part of NOT lookin 14 was the fact that she didnt even SOUND like a 14yo!!! wtf!!! she sounds like she's 25!!! OMGOMG....anyway....i think im gona be callin up Elite later in the mornin to check out their itinery for the day...THEY ARE SO BEAUTIFUL!! OMG..AND IVE ONLY ONE DICK...OMG NOT FAIR....here's a shoutout to Miss Poland...Slovakia....USA...France...Austria...Holland..Germany...Japan....