Wednesday, August 16

 
I'm Lousy With Women

The Misfit

I'm terrible when it comes to my ex-girlfriends. They all tend to leave the country upon our unamiable breakups.

Yes, that's how loathe they are to see me. They want to get out of the country. Apparently, breathing the same air kills you.

Last i checked, i'm a really nice bloke. I walk on the outside of the pedestrian, i open doors, i pull out their seats, i drop little notes in their purses, i give them hugs and kisses, and i definitely leave the toilet seat down. Can't fathom their urge to leave the country. I think someone's trying to tell me, nice guys always come last. Fuck.

What's worse, is they always do better after they leave me. They must like using me as a stepping-stone of some sort. Someone give them a brownie point already.

I used to date girls with Chinese extract. So i find it hard to believe that people call me an Asian racist. Pfft.

Tina* (she of the statuesque model of Japanese/Chinese descent) left for Japan and became a globe-trotting air stewardess.

Tatyana* (she of the waitress of English/Chinese descent) uprooted for Southamptonm, England to be with her family. Last i heard she's working in her dad in a pharmaceutical company.

Melissa* (she of the Literature teacher of Indian/Chinese descent) refused to see me for months and left with her mom for Taiwan. Friends tell me she's a public relations practitioner in Shanghai now.

You see, chicks generally flee from me. 'Coz i'm this big, bad flesh-eating necrophilic bastard son of a child molester. It's sad. I find myself singing "Nobody loves me, Everybody hates me, I'm gonna eat some worms" to myself all the time.

So imagine how i felt, when my stunning ex-girlfriend of Indian descent sent me a 'hi' message. Sasha* had broken up with me, packed for Spain and got married 6 years ago. She must really hate me as it seemed marrying was the only way to rinse me out of her system. Or so i thought.

Honestly i have no reason to respond to her. She has no reason to hate me either! Sasha was a real bitch to me, treated me like dirt and in the months leading to our eventual breakup, refused to communicate with me. Did my breath really smell that bad?

And wouldn't you know, i was the last person in our circle of friends to find out she's gone off to marry some bloke - who's pretty well-off if my sources are correct.

Oh well, you dump a poor Chinese in Singapore and marry a rich compadre in Spain. Not doing too bad yourself Sasha!

But i'm gona be civil. Hey this isn't schoolyard no more, and what's done is done. I think i may just drop her a friendly email. You know, we could become friends again. And i'll piss her off once more, and she'll pack off to the Moon and marry a funky purple Martian this time.


*Names have been changed

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