Friday, June 16

 
What Women Want

The Outrageous

Ask a woman what they want in a man these days, and cringe to yourself as they launch into a monologue about their desire to snag a rich and handsome (preferably white if the woman's Asian) man with a good sense of humour. An 8-inch cock and a bloodthirsty gladiator in bed gets extra brownie points.

I never knew women were capable of so much balderdash.

The Australian reporters Elizabeth Gosch and Patricia Karvelas have written a
most disparaging article on the plight of women's inability to find a partner these days.

I say women never have it better these days.

As much as women hate to admit, they do have a list of criteria that their prospective men have to meet. Having said that, i also believe that women's inability to lower their expectations impedes their potential to score a wonderful night out.

Men these days are the ones sitting down and out on their luck. You have men who're wonderfully eloquent and are talented artists in their own rights, yet are unbelievably poor. You have men who've double degrees in I-am-a-nerd, come from a rich and influential background but are unfortunate looking. You also have men who're just the perfect blend of brains and pockets but suffer from a psychiatric problem

So what exactly are women looking for these days?

Meet Jamie. She's extremely attractive, a finalist of a beauty pageant and models part-time. As a sexually-inexperienced 19yo girl, she spends her free time dreaming of her Prince Charming (which changes every other week), kissing random boys on a weekly basis in night spots, wondering why the boy she had unprotected and painful sex with last night hasn't yet called, and talking into the wee hours of the morning with a bloke whose only concern is to get into her pants.

When Jamie's 22, her expectations of men would have changed somewhat - or has it? As a recent graduate, she now has some disposable income to call the shots. Her experience with men now include several painless one-night stands, a bad brush with STD that's thankfully gone, many sleepless nights spent wondering why she can't find a perfect man and asking why the one shot she had with the perfect gentleman was foiled when she found him in bed with her best friend.

The pendulum still refuses to swing Jamie's way. Now 27, she's ready to marry but her resume of men reads a who's who of dodgy men. She's been in two serious relationships that ended acrimoniously. Her first boyfriend was a kleptomaniac and was arrested pilfering goldfish from the local pet shop. Second boyfriend was a nymphomaniac; Jamie couldn't handle him wearing her lingerie anymore and broke it off. He was last seen in an adult club as a transvestite.

When she hits the big 3-0, she realises she's not going to be marrying anytime soon. She's financially secure, but is lonely and single. Her girlfriends have all walked down the aisle; some are mothers and wives of wonderful children and husbands. Desperate, Jamie goes on the Internet and enters her profile on online dating services. 2 Weeks later she risks a blind date with a man she's been having pleasant conversations with, and ends up bound and gagged in a dumpster. Her possessions have all been taken, and she's been raped three times over.

A running theme here. Blame it on bad luck or her karma, Jamie can't find a proper man, and all because she's too proud to date below her expectations. While greatly exaggerated, Jamie's story is shared by millions of women around the world. All they want is someone to love - someone who's rich, educated and fun.

And they say all men are bastards. Oh bore me already.

The attractive lady in the aforementioned article clearly highlights this phenomenon. Elizabeth Jean's (left) is pretty, well-travelled, living comfortably and desperately wants to get married. And somehow she's delusional enough to think she'd be comfortable at home, nursing the baby while her husband brings home the bacon.

I'm all for feminism and her various mutations. I believe women are on equal footing with men and deserve just as many opportunities societies are depriving them of. Men should share the burden of womenhood and shouldn't think washing the dishes and cleaning the house is an unmanly thing to do. Hell, if it was possible, i'd like to be pregnant and experience what it's like to have a big bun in my oven.

Yet, i feel women should start putting themselves into the cold and uncomfortable shoes of men. Women really have it all these days and men are forever on the short end of the stick. Men really have a lot to live up to and societal pressures and media stereotypes means men cannot be resting on their laurels. If marrying a woman means giving up their career or their limited finances to keep their woman happy, what's the point of getting married then?

And this hyperbole of men having something interesting to do in their lives? I think senorita Jean should just shove it up her ass. Last i checked shopping, baking and spending 4 hours in the hair salon isn't exactly a dash in the park.

Now all i need to do is find myself a perfect woman who loves cooking, spreads like peanut butter, a supermodel mother of my two kids and takes me on holidays every month.

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