Thursday, April 6

The Bulge In A Man's Pants

The Misfit

Friends and strangers alike always give me a surprised look whenever i take my 'wallet' out.

Looking suitably impressed, the look is then followed by a pleasant smile and inevitably, a question.

You see, my 'wallet' is really a business card holder.

Explain to me guys, what really is the point of wielding a leather wallet, crammed full of receipts that you'll never look at again, cards that you'd never use and paper that you'd never dispose of?

I've seen men and their leather wallets. What they call a 'wallet' really is a dumping ground for 8-month old condom, couple of $5 notes, some loose change, a tram ticket perhaps, and a whole load of crap.

Chuck all of that into a leather wallet, and you get a Double Whopper with Cheese.

Apparently, blokes think it's really cool to have a Double Whopper with Cheese sticking out from one side of their ass. Perhaps they should get a meal along with it.

Blokes like their money. And their ass. So they like putting their money close to their ass. It's ok when it's just a couple of dollar bills. But when you shove a 2-inch behemoth into that back pocket of yours, not only do women not want to check your ass out, you look like you've got a case of inflammed ass.

Perhaps the metrosexuals and women need to remind them men that sitting on a thick wallet is very uncomfortable. Try it for yourselves! Take an old Yellow Pages and carefully position it on your seat. Now attempt to land one ass cheek onto a corner of the Yellow Pages. Remember, you aren't allowed to remove the Yellow Pages!

Perhaps blokes find it sexy to walk around with a Hungry Jacks meal on their ass. To them it's like wearing a tee shirt that says 'I have an 8-inch penis'. A giant arrow on my head. Flashing at me with neon lights ala brothels. Women naturally veer away from places like these; they'll avoid these blokes too.

I remember, back in my teens, i used to think it was really cool to have a collection of 3-month old receipts and mouldy cards sitting in some tiny nook of my wallet. I'd walk around with an inflammed ass, thinking nothing of it. Come to think of it, i know now why i only got laid at 19.

Perhaps it really is time for blokes around to world to consider their appearances as a buff body and nice smile can only get you so far. Most women notice beautiful men at first, but i doubt they'll want to have anything to do with a Double Whopper with Cheese. Take a hint guys, if you want to romance or impress a woman, only fine cuisine will do. No fast food.

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