Monday, July 11

 
Why Fantastic Four: The Movie sucks (and things we already knew but adrock2xander thinks it's worth mentionin)
adrock2xander is 5 months 12 days without a cigarette.
Profitting BIG TIME through eBay: 172 days left.


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If ya not a Marvel fan...you should stop readin...no really...stop readin there you fuckhead-cheese-scrapin-non-Marvel-fan...

Ok now that we've established that...the movie...

1) Jessica Alba is not white enough.
Perhaps the Hollywood producers are myopic...or perhaps they havnt been eatin enough carrots...but Jessica isnt white...she's a fuckin Hispanic...she's got the Latino blood in her...Sue Storm has always been magnificently white...bad castin...ive browsed the web and cant agree more with
Cinegeek's castin choices...Naomi Watts would have been perfect...she has enough depth of an actress to portray Sue's motherly figure of the group...and fuck she looks old enough to actually resemble a mother...and yes! She's white!


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2)Too Human Torch-ey.
5 minutes into the movie...and we've Johnny makin smart-ass wise cracks that makes all the ladies laughin together with him...25 minutes into the movie Johnny shows his easy-goin side and all the ladies start pennin 'C-H-R-I-S E-V-A-N-S' as their next wet dream...45 minutes into the movie Johnny walks around topless and buff with a pink jacket draped around his genitals...yeah i paid fuckin A$11 to watch a man squeeze the bejeezes out of a comic book adaptation...

Dont get me wrong...in the fantastic Fantastic Four comics (no pun intended)...and in various Marvel cross-overs...Johnny Storm is a hothead...wired to act and not think...more than often enough his brashness gets him into all kinds of trouble...his enemy list ranks almost as high as Spiderman's...he doesnt get along with most of his allies...and he just wants things his own way...come to think of it...the Human Torch is a spoilt brat...but hey he still saves the day doesnt he?

The next time i see Chris Evans make popcorn out of his hands im gona ask him for a fuckin A$11 refund...

3) Too Spiderman-ey.
Marvel finally found the formula to a successful Marvel movie in the Spiderman movies...a tinge of human drama...a splash of action...a dash of accurate comic book adaptation...and voila! straight to a great weekend at the box-office...the producers of Fantastic Four arent the same blokes who worked in Spidey...and their efforts to mirror the Web Crawler were too apparent...but this time there was too much human drama...too little action...a decent adaptation...and yes...the casting...maybe Fantastic Four should have their own formula...

4) Michael Chiklis has no face time.
One of TV's better series The Shield has a ready-made star in Michael...my opinion on the show hasnt changed since
my Emmy post last year...he has a good range of emotions that accurately portrays The Thing's anguish...but ask any casual non-Marvel fan who The Thing is a year from now...no one is gona remember Michael's face...what a complete shame...

5) Incredibles vs The Fantastic Four.
Hands up for those who thought the Incredibles did an incredible job of spoofin the famous four...yeah...i sure did...wtf...what the Incredibles only served to do was made it look like an animated prequel of the Fantastic Four...it was a case of deja vu...been there done that...same powers...different person...

Someone in Hollywood is definitely lackin in ideas...but hey...people have already thought of
possible battle scenarios between the two factions...

I wonder how the next Marvel movie will turn out...

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