Tuesday, May 10

 
Lord of the Breath - One Breath To Rule Them All
adrock2xander is 3 months 11 days without a cigarette.


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She was the prettiest brunette ive seen in a long while...from where i stood...the counter she stood behind was so far away...4 people with a truckload of groceries to be precise...

I was at Coles in Barkley Square Brunswick over the weekend...all i wanted to do was buy a packet of Wrigley's chewies for my cigarette cravings (yeah i still get them) and a bottle of Coke...good thing the pretty cashier-girl made waitin a joy...doodeedoodeedoo i whistled beneath i breath...content at just lookin...NOT! I dont have a habit of just lookin at cute girls...i like chattin them up...afterall...it IS harmless fun...

As i the queue shortened...i got closer to the chick...her name's Wendy...eeeshhh...an Aussie called Wendy? Whatever happened to good old Anglo-Saxon names like Elisabeth and Jessica?

The bloke in front of me checked out his trolley of war rations...he bought enough food to remain in hidin from a nuclear bomb...and i placed the Coke and Wrigley's on the counter...Wendy smiled and flashed her pearly whites...

"Hi how ya doin?" i quipped...

"Good thanks..." Wendy replied...

And then it hit me without warnin and mercy...

Her breath almost blew me away...it's the vile stench that makes a maggot-infested corpse look like a walk in the park...i thought i was hit by an 18-wheeler...and the only way to avoid it was to do an Neo-inspired Matrix avoidin-the-bullets act...

Oh Wendy why why why...why must you be blessed with such good looks only to spoil it all with the One Breath To Rule Them All?

I was of coz seized by the same impulse to grab someone with severe halitosis by their fuckin balls...or neck if it's a woman...squeeze it so tight it hurts them more than it hurts my flarin nostrils and shout: "Hey dingbat do you know where Saddam's Weapons Of Mass Destruction are? In ya fuckin mouth!"

But of coz...being the gentleman i was...i practiced withstrain...partly becoz Wendy's so bloody pretty...she didnt look a day past 18...all virginal and pure...i dont think she's aware of her condition...i rather she learn it the hard way...a chick like her WILL get admirers...some bloke's gona get repulsed by her breath...he's gona hurt her feelings...she's gona do somethin bout it...and her breath's gona complement her looks...yeah...

Is it so hard to do a breath check on oneself these days? With the staggerin array of breath mints out in the market...i daresay consumers are spoilt for choice...it's simple! Buy mint...Open mint...Pop mint in mouth...Fresh breath for an hour! Why dont people just get it...

We give up seats for the elderly and needy coz they need to rest their bums...we donate blood to hospitals coz they're runnin out of blood...we give a middle finger to rude drivers in the streets...we laugh at President Bush whenever he talks coz he's fuckin stupid...so why cant we muster enough courage to tell someone to pop a mint coz he's got a fuckin WAR in his mouth?

Surely pointin one's breath to a person isnt a taboo...ive not seen any religion or teachings forbiddin us not to tolerate a bad breath...so why the shufflin of feet? For once...quite possibly...im stymmied...

Wendy...you've got ya work cut out...ive got no solution for ya...either eat them mints or ya not gettin lucky anytime soon...hell...


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