Sunday, August 29
Regret
Im sure ive written bout this before...but here i am again...writin about it...again...it's regret that im talkin about...is there anythin in your life that you regret? It'd be great to say that i dont regret anythin in my life but at this point...this moment...minute...second...in time there are things i regret. Decisions that were made...friendships that have been broken or swayed...the way my life has turned out in the last 8 months...the way certain things fall apart or were put together...my new job postin and its effects on my future...there are these things that are pressin on my mind...on my chest...that i just cant fix...i cant...for the life of me get my mind around it.
Regret is weighin heavily on me...i think im in an extremely poor mood right now...which is strange coz just 30 minutes back i was feelin extremely flustered and angry due to a gemstone relevation...i feel like i regret a lot in my life...even down to the achievements i have over these years...hopefully in the end...i'll die with no regrets in my life whatsoever...although...i have no idea how to get there...
While im on the negative aspects of things...when i seriously think about it...im such a flawed human being...everythin about me is wrong...what does she see in me? why do i have friends who care for me?...there's not one redeemin quality that i have that i can say that's particularly good...even the sentence i just wrote is flawed...it just doesnt work. My personality is screwed up...ppl will always misunderstand my intentions...my mind's screwed up...my friendships are screwed up (or i screwed up my friendships)...my lifestyle is screwed up (i cant seem to be able to have a life even with regular income)...workin habits...eating habits...sleepin patterns (i sleep too little!)...my vices...they're are all screwed up.
Yeah...i know what ya gona say..."That's what makes you human." Yeah...i know... it's just that i suck at being a human much more than most people. At least they have at least one thing they're good for/at...im always second best...devoid of love and care...not worth a second look...im just a black hole of resources...fuckin screwed up i tell you.
Just my 2 cents' worth...
Im sure ive written bout this before...but here i am again...writin about it...again...it's regret that im talkin about...is there anythin in your life that you regret? It'd be great to say that i dont regret anythin in my life but at this point...this moment...minute...second...in time there are things i regret. Decisions that were made...friendships that have been broken or swayed...the way my life has turned out in the last 8 months...the way certain things fall apart or were put together...my new job postin and its effects on my future...there are these things that are pressin on my mind...on my chest...that i just cant fix...i cant...for the life of me get my mind around it.
Regret is weighin heavily on me...i think im in an extremely poor mood right now...which is strange coz just 30 minutes back i was feelin extremely flustered and angry due to a gemstone relevation...i feel like i regret a lot in my life...even down to the achievements i have over these years...hopefully in the end...i'll die with no regrets in my life whatsoever...although...i have no idea how to get there...
While im on the negative aspects of things...when i seriously think about it...im such a flawed human being...everythin about me is wrong...what does she see in me? why do i have friends who care for me?...there's not one redeemin quality that i have that i can say that's particularly good...even the sentence i just wrote is flawed...it just doesnt work. My personality is screwed up...ppl will always misunderstand my intentions...my mind's screwed up...my friendships are screwed up (or i screwed up my friendships)...my lifestyle is screwed up (i cant seem to be able to have a life even with regular income)...workin habits...eating habits...sleepin patterns (i sleep too little!)...my vices...they're are all screwed up.
Yeah...i know what ya gona say..."That's what makes you human." Yeah...i know... it's just that i suck at being a human much more than most people. At least they have at least one thing they're good for/at...im always second best...devoid of love and care...not worth a second look...im just a black hole of resources...fuckin screwed up i tell you.
Just my 2 cents' worth...
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