Friday, July 23
John's totally biased guide to pickin up women and look cool with them
I've decided to give my 2 cents worth to all my friends out there regardin an interest that's close to my heart...these friends are:
1) my friends in Singapore...
2) those who've just returned from studies overseas...
3) acquaintances who've known me for less than 2 hours...
4) friends of acquaintances...
Droppin a very dead-pan line that goes somethin like this:
"So how are you able to be so comfortable/flirt/make a strikin impression (i shall call it the C.F.I factor) with any women? How do you do it?"
And so it goes...
First of all...head to a place with women John wants to get some C.F.I...it has to be in a place where i enjoy hangin out...Borders bookshop at the junction of Orchard and Scotts Road...Books Kinokuniya in Takashimaya Shoppin Arcade...a toys or comics shop...HMV...good and stylish boutiques...vintage shops and even a large supermarket are a good bet...it's a sure fire way to start off a conversation if you can chat up a woman with similar interests...John always looks for a woman who holds her own against a backdrop of similarly luminous-lookin women...a woman who thinks avant-garde > the latest Spring collection of Calvin Klein...that way John can be assured of lookin good at all times...brand names dont matter...besides...John isnt lookin to hook up with rich chicks...he just wants to get a good fuck...
Also... avoid women with an averse fear of eatin certain kinds of food or poultries...Vegetarians and Vegans are all alike...they all worship the devil...God made Man to be overlookin other animals in the food pyramid...to go against that callin is to lie to yaself...and John hates liars...
Next...tell yaself that no matter how dumb the woman is...never ever concoct...fabricate or twist some stories or fact bout yaself to ya advantage...John hates liars...but he also hates hypocrites...women love men who're confident bout their abilities...but never over the top bout it...it makes them realise that the man they're datin is borin and fat. If John want to date a hot chick who plays a music instrument...dont lie and say you were once in a band...but tell her that you hold a Grade 5 certificate in piano (which is the truth hehe...) and can do a Michael Buble or Jamie Cullum (which is also true hehe...) This is a sure fire way to drive any woman wild as all women want to be romanced and treated like a queen...this ploy works very well with smart and intelligent women...they'll find ya candor and sensitivity very exciting...
If the woman has a strong ideological stand point or religious belief...walk away from her...dont talk to her anymore...she's just goin to end up being bad in bed (for women who dont believe in pre-maritial sex)...irritated by her incessant diatribes bout somethin you absolutely cannot give a fuck about (for women who watch Chinese dramas)...most women's problem is that they worry bout not lookin good or are just plain fat...dont worry about this...tell em how fat people can get accepted by normal (read: thin) people...give them examples of women who fall into the category...quote Roseanne Barr...Oprah Winfrey...to name a few...and ya sure to impress them with your world-weary knowledge...coz honestly John cant think of 10 Singaporean women who knows anythin outside the Hong Kong and Chinese entertainment industry...sure.. you'll get rejected for being an arrogant prick...but it's no big deal if you remain totally oblivious to anythin Chinese (again...the truth) coz somewhere along you'll definitely find a woman who doesnt care bout what you think or believe...
When John's alone in the hotel room with his prey...the woman may be hit by an anxiety attack..."What if John thinks im fat...ive cellulite...will he like my B.Js?" Never fear...John removes the awkwardness with a simple chlorofoam-soaked cloth that's forced onto her face...chokin and knocked her out...leavin her in the room with no memory of the events leading up to this unfortunate instance. Now...you have the entire night to pleasure yaself...at ya own discretion...and never havin to worry if she swallows...
Also...never EVER feel insecure coz women wouldnt wana fuck you if ya unsure of ya orientation or self-esteem...do not be afraid to make the first move...unless you like the person and want to get to know them...the main thing is to convince the women that ya worth their time...if ya still hopeless and lookin glump and distinctively clueless in a club...all is not lost...choose from this list:
1) Buy a dog...walk it...and baby it...women love men who walk their dogs...sure fire way to tell them that this man loves animals...and women LOVE animals...
2) Borrow your baby niece or nephew for a weekend...dress it up in funky gear...and bring it out while shoppin...women would think ya a succesful single father who juggles his job and his baby as proficient as British PM tells a lie...women find it extremely attractive...the baby breaks down the barriers...and when the charm of the baby dies...the woman would turn their attention to you...
3) Tell the woman you wana sing a song. Not any song...but in particular...just one song...prop her down infront of you...whip out the guitar...and start wailin like a love-sick raccoon to the words of Extreme's "More Than Words"...that song will get you any woman...guaranteed...
4) Tell the woman that ya gettin an inheritance in excess of millions of dollars in several months' time...if she doesnt believe you just direct them to a dodgy lookin Eastern European website written in excellent English with your family's picture on it...the women wont be able to speak or read John's English anyway...so they're gona believe you...
So there...a gist of how i get my women...now go on out and get laid already...
I've decided to give my 2 cents worth to all my friends out there regardin an interest that's close to my heart...these friends are:
1) my friends in Singapore...
2) those who've just returned from studies overseas...
3) acquaintances who've known me for less than 2 hours...
4) friends of acquaintances...
Droppin a very dead-pan line that goes somethin like this:
"So how are you able to be so comfortable/flirt/make a strikin impression (i shall call it the C.F.I factor) with any women? How do you do it?"
And so it goes...
First of all...head to a place with women John wants to get some C.F.I...it has to be in a place where i enjoy hangin out...Borders bookshop at the junction of Orchard and Scotts Road...Books Kinokuniya in Takashimaya Shoppin Arcade...a toys or comics shop...HMV...good and stylish boutiques...vintage shops and even a large supermarket are a good bet...it's a sure fire way to start off a conversation if you can chat up a woman with similar interests...John always looks for a woman who holds her own against a backdrop of similarly luminous-lookin women...a woman who thinks avant-garde > the latest Spring collection of Calvin Klein...that way John can be assured of lookin good at all times...brand names dont matter...besides...John isnt lookin to hook up with rich chicks...he just wants to get a good fuck...
Also... avoid women with an averse fear of eatin certain kinds of food or poultries...Vegetarians and Vegans are all alike...they all worship the devil...God made Man to be overlookin other animals in the food pyramid...to go against that callin is to lie to yaself...and John hates liars...
Next...tell yaself that no matter how dumb the woman is...never ever concoct...fabricate or twist some stories or fact bout yaself to ya advantage...John hates liars...but he also hates hypocrites...women love men who're confident bout their abilities...but never over the top bout it...it makes them realise that the man they're datin is borin and fat. If John want to date a hot chick who plays a music instrument...dont lie and say you were once in a band...but tell her that you hold a Grade 5 certificate in piano (which is the truth hehe...) and can do a Michael Buble or Jamie Cullum (which is also true hehe...) This is a sure fire way to drive any woman wild as all women want to be romanced and treated like a queen...this ploy works very well with smart and intelligent women...they'll find ya candor and sensitivity very exciting...
If the woman has a strong ideological stand point or religious belief...walk away from her...dont talk to her anymore...she's just goin to end up being bad in bed (for women who dont believe in pre-maritial sex)...irritated by her incessant diatribes bout somethin you absolutely cannot give a fuck about (for women who watch Chinese dramas)...most women's problem is that they worry bout not lookin good or are just plain fat...dont worry about this...tell em how fat people can get accepted by normal (read: thin) people...give them examples of women who fall into the category...quote Roseanne Barr...Oprah Winfrey...to name a few...and ya sure to impress them with your world-weary knowledge...coz honestly John cant think of 10 Singaporean women who knows anythin outside the Hong Kong and Chinese entertainment industry...sure.. you'll get rejected for being an arrogant prick...but it's no big deal if you remain totally oblivious to anythin Chinese (again...the truth) coz somewhere along you'll definitely find a woman who doesnt care bout what you think or believe...
When John's alone in the hotel room with his prey...the woman may be hit by an anxiety attack..."What if John thinks im fat...ive cellulite...will he like my B.Js?" Never fear...John removes the awkwardness with a simple chlorofoam-soaked cloth that's forced onto her face...chokin and knocked her out...leavin her in the room with no memory of the events leading up to this unfortunate instance. Now...you have the entire night to pleasure yaself...at ya own discretion...and never havin to worry if she swallows...
Also...never EVER feel insecure coz women wouldnt wana fuck you if ya unsure of ya orientation or self-esteem...do not be afraid to make the first move...unless you like the person and want to get to know them...the main thing is to convince the women that ya worth their time...if ya still hopeless and lookin glump and distinctively clueless in a club...all is not lost...choose from this list:
1) Buy a dog...walk it...and baby it...women love men who walk their dogs...sure fire way to tell them that this man loves animals...and women LOVE animals...
2) Borrow your baby niece or nephew for a weekend...dress it up in funky gear...and bring it out while shoppin...women would think ya a succesful single father who juggles his job and his baby as proficient as British PM tells a lie...women find it extremely attractive...the baby breaks down the barriers...and when the charm of the baby dies...the woman would turn their attention to you...
3) Tell the woman you wana sing a song. Not any song...but in particular...just one song...prop her down infront of you...whip out the guitar...and start wailin like a love-sick raccoon to the words of Extreme's "More Than Words"...that song will get you any woman...guaranteed...
4) Tell the woman that ya gettin an inheritance in excess of millions of dollars in several months' time...if she doesnt believe you just direct them to a dodgy lookin Eastern European website written in excellent English with your family's picture on it...the women wont be able to speak or read John's English anyway...so they're gona believe you...
So there...a gist of how i get my women...now go on out and get laid already...
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