Monday, June 7

 
Sex with David Beckham

Ok that's it...i've held this to my chest for too long...for fear of arbitration...rejection...ostricization...seclusion...being thrown into the gas chamber together with Jews...hurded into a leper camp...i hope the world knows where im comin from...for every man worth his salt...in times like these...would succumb to delights like these...

I've slept with David Beckham...

David 1Like Rebecca Loos and Victoria Beckham...im tall, dark and slim. Together with my girlfriends I met David in a place called the Buddha Bar. I'd a bad run-in with my neightbor's cat 2 hours before...and i was feelin crappy...so i got my girlfriends together and decided to hit the clubs for a night of wild abandonment...

Who's to know David was present at this opportune time? There he stood...all manly...golden...bronzed...finely textured like well-crafted Chinese noodles...sippin his Martini...he was with a couple of other 'distinguished' gentlemen...they must have been fellow footballers of Real Madrid FC...coz they're sitted in the most expensive area...with bulldogs of bodyguards all decked up in shades and mini-microphones millin around them...

Thank god my friend Maria knew one of David's friend...so after a brief banter...my group of girlfriends were ushered into the V.I.P area...but not after some very raunchy friskyin of my body...no parts of my body was left 'unfrisked'...security was pretty tight it seems...not that i was complainin...

David turned out just the way i thought...rude...cocky...loud...unashamedly proud of the bastardised football club Manchester United FC...i gota tell ya...if he werent so David 2good lookin and rich...i would have been lookin elsewhere...besides...ive been hearin rumors of David being a legend in bed...i was anxious to debunk that myth...

Seducin David wasnt difficult...cuddlin up close to David was a no-brainer...holdin my breath every 15 seconds from the venomous breath of his was the real challenge...i had to constantly look away from him...at his less endowed friends no less...for some respite...

So after some muckin around...the entire entourage headed to the hotel where David was puttin up...and David was asked to pick some of us to spend the night with...i stood there poutin my swollen lips and flaunted my assets...and before long i was under the sheets with David...thank god i had some breath mints in my bag...David sucked them with such aplomb...yet to my horror that was limited to mints...for all his strokin and suckin...he just couldnt get me interested and aroused..."What a night im in for..." I remember tellin myself...

David 3But not before i woke up in the mornin to find a fat cheque of US$10,000 on the bedside...with a note that said: "Tanks fo de sax. U wer veri good." GOD...not only can he not make love...he cant spell...now i know why he's earnin big bucks for just kickin a ball around...

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On a more serious note, this is my 2 cent's worth on those women who claim to have slept with David. For starters...Rebecca Loos is a cross-eyed fuckhead who cant swallow a load as well as she cant drum up replies to Knock-Knock-Who's-There? jokes...women like her must be destroyed immediately...at all costs....this vicious...calculatin...little tart is just another in a long line of media-savvy prostitutes attemptin to beseige the rich and famous (ok but since David's in Manchester United...ignore the famous...for Manchester United is nothin but a glorified conglomerate that cares nothin for football...only $$$$$$ matters...) for their own personal gain...

Of course...little Miss "Loos Lips" has no respect for the sanctity of marriage or any kind of appreciation for the consequences her ridiculous behaviour may have on her victims...point to note...has she ever taken a look at herself? In the mirrors to start off at the least? God she's DOG UGLY...so is Sarah Marbeck and every other sorry-ass buffoon i wouldnt shed a tear for...i couldnt give two hoots bout David Beckham or any other celebrity for that matter...but I cannot stand to see parasites use the media as a tool to whip up a campaign of scandal and lies just for a few minutes of fame...

Ive no doubt they're both calculatin...vindictive...back-stabbin 'lil bitches who would grossly exaggerate any dealings they had with Beckham in order to substantiate their claims...women like these must be stopped immediately...I strongly encourage anyone in a similar situation to use all legal avenues available to stop shameless attention-seeking (sounds like me lol...trouble-makin motards who persist in making malicious accusations from interfering with their lives...this shows how far society has gone downhill...I mean...can anyone take these women seriously?...even if their proposterous allegations contain any element of truth...one or both of them still had an affair with a married man...just a tad immoral...is it not?...assumin the worst...is "Big Bad" Becks entirely responsible anyway...surely these women are adults and are therefore entirely responsible for their own actions...if any of it is true...perhaps they wouldve been more inclined to keep their mouths shut.


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