Monday, May 3

 
Farting and Loving

You know how it is. A beautiful date by your side...sunset in motion...coolin non-tropical weather chillin you to a comfortable sweatshirt attire...the stage is set...the 2 of you lean on each other...attracted to each other...spell bound...the flesh is callin out for the lip's touch...your hands are all over...then it happens...

You let out a loud fart.

I'm curious about a milestone we reach in relationships or the dates you go out with...there's an invisible code that guides us when we have sex...noone tells us when to do it...it just happens...with or without the embarassment...and both parties are for the better...but when is it cool to fart?

As far as im concerned...there are only 2 reactions from a woman...

1) A generally good-natured laughter. She appreciates your humor and is...though slightly taken aback...not bothered by the lack of civility or manners...imho...she's a keeper...

2) A generally good-natured look of scorn. Disgust and lack of apathy (c'mon!! I only had 2 bowls of baked beans!) coupled with an utter lack of tact makes for a quick getaway...or if ya lucky enough...a blowjob before scooting off...

There's no in-between...no fine line that divides the Red Sea...a woman either laughs it off and continues datin you...or drops you off at the baggage counter...

I've always wondered why women never EVER fart. It's always a cool picture of composure that exudes from those pristine creatures we all wana get our dicks into...perhaps it's a woman thing...trained in the mystic arts of 'If-i-can-tolerate-period-cramps-tryin-to-look-cool-while-farting-is-chicken-feed' that's steeped in tradition...Until now i've only ever heard one of my gfs fart..and mind you...that was a post-coital fart...

When it comes to controllin a fart...ive never been able to pull a straight face..i mean...cmon...all you wana do is let it all out...but your butt muscles are contracted and tightened...the knowledge and embarassment of a hundred pairs of eyes on you is just too much for any civilised person to take...

Yes..im guilty of that too...both controllin a fart or lettin one of those 'silent-but-deadly' killers...at times...if i cant control it no more...i excuse myself to the washroom...blue-faced and all...and let all the mother of all emissions...

It's weird how men can derive humor from the gas that i reckon could give sarin gas a run for its money...they talk about their bowel movements as though it's one of life's simple pleasures...the fart jokes...to the 'Whose fart is louder' contests...it's a testament to why women always fail to understand us men...clueless and oblivious to the obvious bullshit men has to put up with in life...

So what's a harmless fart?


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