Monday, May 3

Brad's Story

Brad often fantasised about being in a situation where he would have to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to a beautiful woman.

He wasn't a lifeguard, or even involved in any kind of medical profession. He was a carpenter. But he'd coaxed along his secret and unshakeable dream by taking a first aid course and refreshing the learned techniques daily in his mind ever since, even practising them on thin air occasionally.

He knew it was kind of stupid. He knew it was awful that he resented his wife's plain-ness. But he was one of those people who are sexually preoccupied. Too moral for infidelity and too cautious and sensible for prostitutes, his desire for spectacular-looking women was sublimated by such dreams as the one about giving mouth-to-mouth.

Brad was luckier than 99% of people who harbour unlikely fantasies are, in that his came true one day. A particularly dazzling young businesswoman was knocked out by an electric shock on a building site where he was working, and with an inexpressible relish that brought him to silent orgasm, he saved her life as he tasted the rich interior of her mouth. Unfortunately, the woman was a carrier of especially virulent hepatitis, which Brad collected from her in the process. It ravaged his liver and he died about forty years earlier than he would have.

ADVICE OF THE DAY: 'Always use a plastic mouthguard when giving mouth-to-mouth resuscitation!'

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