Wednesday, May 19
Alone
There are many times in my life i wished i was born a woman.
But i digess...i have no wish to talk bout that now...
You see...I am almost always lonely late at night...that is of course...why im a hopeless insomniac...i know work starts at 9.30am the next day...yet i find myself gulpin pots of coffee and tit-bits to check my loneliness...strangely enough i fall asleep real quick...but not before wonderin what and who i would have become if i was born a woman.
Being a woman presents me with endless opportunities...you see...im not a bad lookin man...for Heaven's sakes...if i were a woman i'd be the hottest thing this side of town...
I suppose i shouldnt be whinin bout my loneliness...for most parts...i kinda chose this life style...cursed by an never-endin merry-go-round of datin beautiful women and givin them your heart while they have their eyes on someone else...my last serious girlfriend left me 2 years ago....i speak to my family on a 'need to' basis...i think my job is cool...but it really isnt...my friends still dont know the real me...and even my 'closest' friends find me a real mystery...i have this weird penchance for non-chinese women...thus relegatin me to scraps in a pile of chinese-dominated country...and now I blame myself for the current predicament im in...
I have so few people in my life that I can be completely honest with...and when the oppotunity presents itself i become a shrinkin violet and back away from the ppl who really care bout me...im thinkin to myself..."
Noone really cares bout me..dont pretend that you give a rat's ass bout me"...strangely enough i find myself able to pour my thoughts and worries when im bloggin...i always feel like im burdening others with my problems...frankly i dont think anyone even want to listen anymore...here in blogger i can talk through them...get support and feedback.
There is always so much happening...i am overwhelmed by the constant struggles in my life...i wish for peace...solidity...normalcy...and love.
There are many times in my life i wished i was born a woman.
But i digess...i have no wish to talk bout that now...
You see...I am almost always lonely late at night...that is of course...why im a hopeless insomniac...i know work starts at 9.30am the next day...yet i find myself gulpin pots of coffee and tit-bits to check my loneliness...strangely enough i fall asleep real quick...but not before wonderin what and who i would have become if i was born a woman.
Being a woman presents me with endless opportunities...you see...im not a bad lookin man...for Heaven's sakes...if i were a woman i'd be the hottest thing this side of town...
I suppose i shouldnt be whinin bout my loneliness...for most parts...i kinda chose this life style...cursed by an never-endin merry-go-round of datin beautiful women and givin them your heart while they have their eyes on someone else...my last serious girlfriend left me 2 years ago....i speak to my family on a 'need to' basis...i think my job is cool...but it really isnt...my friends still dont know the real me...and even my 'closest' friends find me a real mystery...i have this weird penchance for non-chinese women...thus relegatin me to scraps in a pile of chinese-dominated country...and now I blame myself for the current predicament im in...
I have so few people in my life that I can be completely honest with...and when the oppotunity presents itself i become a shrinkin violet and back away from the ppl who really care bout me...im thinkin to myself..."
Noone really cares bout me..dont pretend that you give a rat's ass bout me"...strangely enough i find myself able to pour my thoughts and worries when im bloggin...i always feel like im burdening others with my problems...frankly i dont think anyone even want to listen anymore...here in blogger i can talk through them...get support and feedback.
There is always so much happening...i am overwhelmed by the constant struggles in my life...i wish for peace...solidity...normalcy...and love.
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