Wednesday, May 19

 
Alone

There are many times in my life i wished i was born a woman.

But i digess...i have no wish to talk bout that now...

You see...I am almost always lonely late at night...that is of course...why im a hopeless insomniac...i know work starts at 9.30am the next day...yet i find myself gulpin pots of coffee and tit-bits to check my loneliness...strangely enough i fall asleep real quick...but not before wonderin what and who i would have become if i was born a woman.

Being a woman presents me with endless opportunities...you see...im not a bad lookin man...for Heaven's sakes...if i were a woman i'd be the hottest thing this side of town...

I suppose i shouldnt be whinin bout my loneliness...for most parts...i kinda chose this life style...cursed by an never-endin merry-go-round of datin beautiful women and givin them your heart while they have their eyes on someone else...my last serious girlfriend left me 2 years ago....i speak to my family on a 'need to' basis...i think my job is cool...but it really isnt...my friends still dont know the real me...and even my 'closest' friends find me a real mystery...i have this weird penchance for non-chinese women...thus relegatin me to scraps in a pile of chinese-dominated country...and now I blame myself for the current predicament im in...

I have so few people in my life that I can be completely honest with...and when the oppotunity presents itself i become a shrinkin violet and back away from the ppl who really care bout me...im thinkin to myself..."
Noone really cares bout me..dont pretend that you give a rat's ass bout me"...strangely enough i find myself able to pour my thoughts and worries when im bloggin...i always feel like im burdening others with my problems...frankly i dont think anyone even want to listen anymore...here in blogger i can talk through them...get support and feedback.

There is always so much happening...i am overwhelmed by the constant struggles in my life...i wish for peace...solidity...normalcy...and love.



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