Monday, January 12

 
Molest? A crime? WTF?!?!?

Im never a fan of thrashy tabloids or rumor-monger magazines...it amazes me how the editors, photographers and writers regularly churn up so much crap with glarin colors and bold headlines just to captivate a country's imagination...yet sometimes the articles are just too good to pass up...The Sunday Edition of The New Paper had a very interestin article that caught my Sunday mornin attention...it had me puttin my bowl of mee-pok away for a good 3 minutes while i read the article with a raised eyebrow...

It concerns the much publicised and frankly, over-hyped story of the jailing of a former TV personality Shankar Aiyar. This bloke was sentenced to 16 months jail and 4 strokes of the cane
for 'molesting' a female companion while she was in a drunken stupor. If u ask me...i think Shankar is a very smart, intelligent and attractive man in his own rights...he came across to women as neither cocky or timid...was suave with his moves and very sociable...gentleman is the word...

Then it struck me...hey am i not just like Shankar? I mean...laughs aside...am i not smart, intelligent, attractive, suave and sociable? I'm not suggestin that i should have the word gentleman tagged on me...but hey...a man's gota be given his dues yeah? But i digress...i thought to myself if Shankar was given such a harsh punishment for allegedly undressin the drunk woman in bed and allegedly takin advantage of her...wouldnt many men in Singapore...much less around the world be guilty of the same crimes too?

The article also included a very cheeky artwork of a woman with thumbprints over various parts of her body to suggest where it's 'criminal' for men to come into contact with...it says here:

1) Kiss on the cheek, no force used: A fine of about $2000
2) Kissing and forcing the tongue into the victim's mouth: An offender got 8 months' jail
3) Touching the breasts or private parts: Standard of 9 months' jail and caning for first offenders
4) Caressing the waist, touching the shoulder, or a nudge: A fine of minimum $500 for each act
5) Slap and pinchin of buttocks: Fine of $2000 to $5000
6) Strokin thigh: Fine of minimum $500

Well knock my socks off and call me Chuckles! Im guilty of 4 of the crimes here then...i should be kept in a maximum security prison where a dangerous felon like me should be kept out of reach of the society...the 6 points are indeed laughable...i mean...How and When does it constitute a crime when:

1) Kiss on the cheek, no force used: Hell...ive greeted so many of my women friends with pecks on BOTH their cheeks...remember...that female Shankar got into trouble with was a friend...they had drinks together...and shared jokes and stuff...so...AM I GUILTY?

2) Kissing and forcing the tongue into the victim's mouth: Well havnt been guilty of THAT yet...but how many young men..in their pre-pubescent lust...have tried french kissin with their just-as-naive-girlfriends? Most girls who've had their first kiss didnt really enjoy the experience...ive heard many horror stories...but let's just say 'he was literally tastin my mouth' from an old friend of mine was one of the better quips...so...ARE THOSE TEENS GUILTY?

3) Touching the breasts or private parts: Fuck me...but how many men have not ACCIDENTALLY brushed their arms or shoulders against a women's breasts while manouvering in a tight space such as a crowd or club? If this Victorian rule suggests right...ALL men should be incarcerated....ive brushed against so many womens' breasts that the mere contact of breasts against my skin dulls my senses....then again i have felt some very ample bosoms in my lifetime hehe...

4) Caressing the waist, touching the shoulder, or a nudge: Read above...

5) Slap and pinchin of buttocks: OMG...hands up for any men guilty of exchangin a playful buttock slap with their women friends??? *puts hands up* Should i be charged then?

6) Strokin thigh: Ok i cant think of any arguments with this...i honestly dont see any sane man strokin a women's thigh...not unless she's his girlfriend...

Which reminds me of an incident that happened in Zouk 2 days ago...Gavin...thinkin the lady in front of him was his girlfriend...had mistakenly placed his hand against the small of the lady's back...i've never seen a woman glare with such intensity...heck she could have killed me with that glare...but apart from a 'CCB' - which brings me to conclude that she's a fuckin chinese-educated woman (read: useless to me since she's borin, wont laugh at my jokes and has a bad fashion sense) she didnt make a scene...im glad the lady's boyfriend didnt pursue the matter either...

It wasnt till i read the silly article this mornin that got me thinkin...what would have happened if Gavin was charged? What would he be guilty of? Molest? FUCK YOU...if i were his lawyer fightin a case amidst a backdrop of an anachronistic government and Victorian rules...i'll plead for temporary insanity...which serves to remind me that ive been watchin too much 'The Practice'....

Sittin here punchin these words out...im resigned to how laws in Singapore...and around the world...do not give enough protection to men...but this is another story for another day...

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