Friday, January 23
All alone for Chinese New Year....im not a kid anymore Dad!!
Every Chinese New Year my family pack our bags and head up north for the 'annual pilgrimage' to my parent's homes in Malaysia. Ive been doin that for 24 years straight. This year...im choosin to stay in Singapore.
Apart from the one year when i was forbidden to leave Singapore due to my police case a few years back...the trip to Muar (where my Dad hails from) and Segamat (where Mom comes from) is somethin of an unwritten rule...every year we'ld pack our bags for a 3D/2N stay at our grandparents'....
As years pass and i get older...i feel less akin to go back 'home'...i have no friends in Malaysia...and though most of my relatives still reside in the various states there's nothin much i can talk to them about....most of them dont speak any English...and the smatterin Mandarin that i know is incomprehensible to them...dont get me started on my Hokkien either....
Apart from the "Hi 3rd Uncle Gong Xi Fa Cai how are you? Im fine" tirade the only thing that gets me goin is the red packets...ahhhh yes the red packets...who can forget them....red packets dont come any better when your Malaysian counterparts give you a RM$4 blessing....WOW!!! RM$4!!! That's like S$1.50!! Just enough for a cheeseburger in McDonald's!! Thanks but no thanks!!
And every year...though i do hear less of it...the usual 'Wah is this your son? Wow he's so tall!! How old is he!!!' just gets to me...i mean...all this hypocritical chinese customs....u never know what these bitches are sayin behind your backs....my Mom isnt well liked on both the paternal and maternal sides...and every year i have to put up with silly relatives who've to conjur up sweet words to make my mom happy...but snigger and bite her when Mom turns her back to them....
My Grandma would no doubt be disappointed by my non-appearance...im kinda sad that though i made the decision of REFUSING to go back...i will miss her mian xian (chinese noodles)....i remember eatin them when i was a kid...and it's always a tradition to eat it....i grew up on it...loved it...and i wont be eatin it this year....
'Why did i not go back?' u may ask....well...these 2 years ive been doin alot of thinkin...ive always been much of a loner...and yearn for independance...sadly circumstances around me arent in my favor...with PAP in the office the yardstick for success would always be based on merit...and i would always have to do it the long way coz my family's not rich...and it fuckin hurts and pisses me off when your parents still nag at u when u are 25 in a few days time....IT FUCKING HURTS...dad even told me this mornin that he's worried that i cant handle myself while home alone in Singapore...Dad FUCK YOU...im fuckin 25...get a fuckin grip...im NOT gona commit anymore crimes...im no longer the BAD CHILD back then...ive grown up...i can think for myself...the future is in my hands...STOP MANAGING MY LIFE....just learn to fuckin let me go just like how u've let my YOUNGER brother go....give me a fuckin chance to prove myself...
I want to assert my independance and show them how stubborn i am....im not gona listen to them anymore....
So here i am...first day of Chinese New Year...im all alone at home...huddled in front of a computer...ive a gatherin with the boys tomorrow....and headin to Zouk tomorrow....it's a good reason to stay in Singapore no?
I miss my Grandma's mian xian....
Every Chinese New Year my family pack our bags and head up north for the 'annual pilgrimage' to my parent's homes in Malaysia. Ive been doin that for 24 years straight. This year...im choosin to stay in Singapore.
Apart from the one year when i was forbidden to leave Singapore due to my police case a few years back...the trip to Muar (where my Dad hails from) and Segamat (where Mom comes from) is somethin of an unwritten rule...every year we'ld pack our bags for a 3D/2N stay at our grandparents'....
As years pass and i get older...i feel less akin to go back 'home'...i have no friends in Malaysia...and though most of my relatives still reside in the various states there's nothin much i can talk to them about....most of them dont speak any English...and the smatterin Mandarin that i know is incomprehensible to them...dont get me started on my Hokkien either....
Apart from the "Hi 3rd Uncle Gong Xi Fa Cai how are you? Im fine" tirade the only thing that gets me goin is the red packets...ahhhh yes the red packets...who can forget them....red packets dont come any better when your Malaysian counterparts give you a RM$4 blessing....WOW!!! RM$4!!! That's like S$1.50!! Just enough for a cheeseburger in McDonald's!! Thanks but no thanks!!
And every year...though i do hear less of it...the usual 'Wah is this your son? Wow he's so tall!! How old is he!!!' just gets to me...i mean...all this hypocritical chinese customs....u never know what these bitches are sayin behind your backs....my Mom isnt well liked on both the paternal and maternal sides...and every year i have to put up with silly relatives who've to conjur up sweet words to make my mom happy...but snigger and bite her when Mom turns her back to them....
My Grandma would no doubt be disappointed by my non-appearance...im kinda sad that though i made the decision of REFUSING to go back...i will miss her mian xian (chinese noodles)....i remember eatin them when i was a kid...and it's always a tradition to eat it....i grew up on it...loved it...and i wont be eatin it this year....
'Why did i not go back?' u may ask....well...these 2 years ive been doin alot of thinkin...ive always been much of a loner...and yearn for independance...sadly circumstances around me arent in my favor...with PAP in the office the yardstick for success would always be based on merit...and i would always have to do it the long way coz my family's not rich...and it fuckin hurts and pisses me off when your parents still nag at u when u are 25 in a few days time....IT FUCKING HURTS...dad even told me this mornin that he's worried that i cant handle myself while home alone in Singapore...Dad FUCK YOU...im fuckin 25...get a fuckin grip...im NOT gona commit anymore crimes...im no longer the BAD CHILD back then...ive grown up...i can think for myself...the future is in my hands...STOP MANAGING MY LIFE....just learn to fuckin let me go just like how u've let my YOUNGER brother go....give me a fuckin chance to prove myself...
I want to assert my independance and show them how stubborn i am....im not gona listen to them anymore....
So here i am...first day of Chinese New Year...im all alone at home...huddled in front of a computer...ive a gatherin with the boys tomorrow....and headin to Zouk tomorrow....it's a good reason to stay in Singapore no?
I miss my Grandma's mian xian....
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