Sunday, May 8

 
Kingdom of Typecast and A-List Anonymity

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Caught the movie last night...

So Ridley Scott has a brand new film on the Crusades...woopeedoo..Christians vs Muslims...instead of sendin thousands of people to their deaths...i know of one certain way for either side to win the war without a single casualty...my suggestions?

How Christians can beat the Muslims
Christians line a moat of pigs and dogs around Jerusalam...Muslims dont eat pork and abhor dogs...easy peasy...Muslims cant attack the city...Balian and the king's hottie of a sister live happily ever after...

How Muslims can beat the Christians
Since the Christians dont practice pre-marital sex...condemn homosexuality and forbid incest...the Muslims just hold fort outside Jerusalem for decades...the citizens in Jerusalem have only so many people to marry...so many people to have sex with...and so many people to have children with...sooner or later a desperate Balian will send his demoralised troops to a crushin defeat...Saladin and his incomprehensible Muslim accent live happily ever after...

Speakin of the King...does anyone know that the leper King is played by Edward Norton? OMG...one of this generation's most gifted actors is relegated to a faceless role...hell i didnt even know he was in the movie until i got home and did some readin on the movie...

And Orlando Bloom! WTF is he doin...he's gettin fuckin typecast...every movie he's appeared in...save Black Hawk Down and
Haven...involves a period settin...first with The Lord of the Rings trilogy...then Troy...Pirates of the Caribbean...and now this piece of religious crap excuse of a movie that's a runnin joke for atheists...


Hey Orlando here's a sword...and here's $5 million for ya inconvenience...now dont talk much...fire an arrow and swing the sword...make millions of women swoon over you and here's another $5 million for another war movie...now dont talk much...fire an arrow and *voice trails off*...

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